Two of a Kind - 1983 ****

Why are people slating this film? I thought it was great! And seeing Olivia and John on the screen together again was excellent! The story isn't rocket science but it's pretty amusing and I was sorry to see it end. Travolta is broke, and if he doesn't pay off some thugs by the end of the day he's going to have his ears cut off. So he hatches a plan of robbing a bank, unaware however that Newton-John is a cashier there who, impressed by his 'dangerous side' tries to chat him up while he points his gun at her. After being arrested he finds out that she actually took the bag of cash for herself and left him with lots of torn up paper and so he sets out to find her etc... I must add that there are also four angels watching everything in heaven, trying to persuade god that if the two characters can reform and stop being selfish then it will prove that all mankind is capable of a good deed.

This movie flopped when it was realised and some have said it was even worse than Xanadu, but I can hardly believe that. I found it funny and light-hearted.

The Devil's Advocate - 1997 **

This was an atrocious movie with some very questionable acting form Mr Keanu Reeves. I'll be honest, I didn't really understand most of the film, but I felt the same about his earlier movie 'Constantine.' I just feel as though Reeves is constantly playing the same wooden and dull character and it's getting quite monotonous. Something about the devil, Al Pacino and lots of lawsuits make this a jumble of a film. I can't really say that I paid much attention to the plot anyway and therefore saying that I don't like it is void, but then again if it had been interesting enough maybe I would have paid more attention? Whoever said Al Pacino could act must have been high as a kite.

Pandora's Box - 1929 ****

Louise Brooks has to be one of the most modern silent stars I have ever seen. From the very first scene of this now famous film I was hooked on her. Her attitude, her looks and her personality which is ever so slightly mocking and yet eternally innocent at the same time. How amazing to watch a film with her as the star from 1929. I can understand now why so many millions of fans were fascinated by her. She plays Lulu ( now such a popular character title that it is almost a household name, added to which her style of haircut is known as a Lulu bob), who is the mistress of a well known and respected publisher. Lulu's powerful and captivating presence stops him from marrying the true object of his affections and he ends up resigned to marry her instead. Things happen and Lulu flees the country, ending up in London with her husband's son (ironically her best friend) where she *SPOILERS* unwittingly bumps into Jack the Ripper who happens to be stalking the streets. Her fate is sealed. Excellent idea for such an old film, although it's so refeshingly 'modern' in it's context that it's still a relevent type of movie today. Could be why it's constantly added to top 100 film lists. It's timeless really, and being able to see Louise Brooks in her upmost prime is a treat and privilege. The coolest flapper I've ever seen in early films yet. She has this magnetic image that means you can't take your eyes off her which you just do not see these days. Will be going in search of more of her work ( hopefully some is still available).

The Reaping - 2007 ***

This is a very bizarre movie. I wasn't expecting the ending at all, but not really in a good way. Hilary Swank is a missionary who goes off to a town that appears to be suffering from the 10 Plagues. A lot of wandering around takes place and Hilary Swank doesn't seem to be getting much closer to the truth, especially when she finds out that the red river in the town is filled with human blood. Lovely. She also has a lot of visions including ones of her daughter who died a number of years ago ( but we never really find out how or why). There are too many plot-holes in this film, although I originally purchased it because I find the 10 plagues fascinating and hoped we would be shown them in a modern setting ( the most famous film of them is of course The 10 Commandments) but we aren't really. However Swank gives a memorable speech to her collegue Ben about how all the plagues relate to each other and how there is nothing mythical or magical about them. It's actually a fascinating speech and I rewound it a few times to hear it again. *SPOILER* As you can probably imagine with a modern film like this, the one person that everyone believes to be evil is actually good, and the whole village of 'good' people are part of a cult. Sort of predictable but I had hoped for something more.

'The Ten Commandments' is a FAR superior film to this.

Shanghai Express - 1932 ***

For all the amazing and praising reviews that this film has received over the years I was really looking forward to seeing it and seeing how wonderful Marlene really was as Shanghai Lily. Average in my opinion, and the film didn't really pick up until the second part by which time everything was happening at once and then it was the end. If the film had been padded out a bit more throughout then it may have held my interest more but I did feel like the characters didn't really have time to progress before it was all over. I'm not going to deny that the photography was superb and that the director could not have shot Dietrich in a more luminous and perfect way but I do think that as regards to her acting it didn't stand out particularly as a tremendous actress. I'll get critised hugely for this but I found her performance to be quite wooden. I also thought Anna May Wong ( who I first caught in the early silent film 'Piccadilly') was totally overlooked and her part was miniscule. For the times I did see her she was excellent though. Maybe if the two actresses had changed roles I might have enjoyed it more. I feel dreadful for slagging off Dietrich as I fear it puts me across as very fickle but I could not fall in love with her acting.

Kalifornia - 1993 **1/2

This was a bit of a weird film. Brad Pitt was entirely underrated as usual but I found Juliette Lewis to be playing the same type of character that she has done in other road trip films. She had this strange sort of hillbilly persona which I really didn't like ( it was a bit like her role in Natural Born Killers although of course she kills in that) and I can never honestly warm up to her as an actress. The other two were just annoying ( David D, go back to The X Files) and didn't take anything very seriously. This film just annoyed me. I'm glad I've seen it though.

Long Time Dead - 2002 * *

Oh dear god. Next time I decide to 'save' a horror dvd' I'll think again and just watch it instantly. This was an awful film. Acting was dreadful especially from that bloke who used to be in Eastenders and all the other members of the cast where behaving as though they were slightly stoned for the entire film. Something about a Ouija board and getting drunk and dying. That was about it. And it kept going for far longer than I could stand. I think there should be a rule that anyone who acts in a film can well... actually act.

The Snake Pit - 1948 ***

After watching the brilliant 'The Heiress' with Olivia de Havilland I was hoping that I would enjoy this bizarre and emotional trip into a woman's mind inflicted with a mental health problem who is put in an asylum. de Havilland acted her socks off and was amazingly realistic in her role (she reportedly spent three months observing real mental patients in their surroundings to completely immerse herself in her character) but I wasn't as interested in this film as I was in 'The Heiress.' It just seemed to drag on a bit in my opinion, but maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind to watch it. It's one of the top films to watch though but I would recommend the first film instead of this.

The Heiress - 1949 ****

This is one of the must see films in my 1001 movies to see before you die book and so I was saving it up for a time when I would be totally bowled over. And I was. Olivia De Havilland plays the lead character, a rather plain and uninteresting woman who is set to inherit all her father's money when he dies. Despite her father's cold and unfatherly misdemeanor towards her, she is delighted when she meets a seemingly genuine suitor ( in the form of lovely Monty Clift) who seems to have fallen head over heels in love with her. Her father, however is not convinced, believing him to be after her rather large fortune and will not give his blessing to them getting married causing heartache all round.

A superb film, one that had be on the edge of my seat as Miss De Havilland acted her socks off, and one that I was thinking about for ages afterwards because of the motto of the movie. Added to which, the movie is based on a true event that happened to a friend of Henry James's and so he felt compelled to write a novel about it (Washington Square) which gives it much more of an edge and a peep into how people really think about each other when it comes to money.

Melinda and Melinda - 2004 ** 1/2

I think I should realise that if Woody Allen isn't in a movie he directs then it's not really going to be a very good film ( not counting Match Point of course!) because he wasn't in this and I didn't find it remotely funny at all. Basically he has tried to do something which normally may be very funny, use roughly the same story told in 2 different ways, one funny and one tragic and we, the audience have to decide which we prefer because they both have different outcomes. Well to be honest, call me stupid but I couldn't keep up with all the things going on with the same characters as we kept switching backwards and forwards without much warning. I didn't really enjoy it and cannot warm up to Will Ferrell, especially Will Ferrell trying to be Woody Allen = wrong.

Incendiary - 2008 **

What a ghastly film! We are introduced to a woman who has no respect for herself or her husband and cannot be faithful to him because of the fact he is working long hours as a bomb disposal expert. One Saturday her husband and sone go to a football match and she takes the opportunity to have sex with a random bloke she recently met in a pub in her family flat. However things all go wrong when she sees on the news that the statium has been at the centre of a terrorist explosion and both her husband and son are dead.

Michelle Williams is a weird actress, she's quite wooden and looks like a beanpole and so it's quite difficult to keep her seriously. Ewan McGreggor is also not at his best here, comparing him to his astounding performance in 'The Ghost' he falls totally flat. I wasn't even gripped by this movie sadly because I know it was a big deal when it came out.

I love you Alice B.Toklas - 1968 ***

The amount of people that rave about this movie I was expecting something really amazing about it, but actually it wasn't that funny at all and I think Peter Sellars really improved later on in his career. The story mixes some sort of weird, hippy brownie induced dance with a totally boring story about a boring man who isn't satisfied in his relationship (his fiance is threatening to drag him down the aisle) and so takes up with a slightly aloof hippy who bakes hash brownies and paints flowers on people's thighs. However after a while he realises that living with a hippie really isn't as great as he thought it would be. This story is awful really, as Peter Sellar's character is never satisfied with any woman in his life and always thinks he can do better, and he didn't exactly have me rolling around with laughter. Not one I'd recommend.

Sweeney Todd:The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - 1936 ***

I'd never seen Todd Slaughter in anything before this and so didn't really know what to expect but I have to say he was very pleasing and rather camp as well as the terrifying Sweeney Todd. I must say that the layout and general feel of this movie was very authentic and eerie, and the fact it was just over an hour! Stella Rho is on top form as Mrs Lovett, the creepy woman next door who makes mincemeat of Todd's victims, literally! Obviously Tim Burton's version of Sweeney Todd is much more flamboyant and over the top but Tod Slaughter's Todd really stays in your mind after the film has ended. Worth a watch.

Klimt - 2006 1/2

Mr Malkovich what has happened to you?? Going from being one of my favourite actors who can portray an array of interesting parts he's commited film suicide by appearing in this as Gustave Klimt, the Austrian artist who can think of nothing nicer than painting women naked. All the time. Nothing much happens in this film, and everything is weirdly disjointed and doesn't make any sense. Nothing arty about it really, it's just a mess, and John Malkovich is dreadful. I'm still interested in Mr Klimt but not so much in the actor who portrayed him anymore.

Stage Fright - 1950 ***

Let's get one thing straight. I love Hitchcock. The master of suspense couldn't possibly be a better name for this genius who has left me terrified, disturbed and amused for years and years from his superb film-making. 'Stage Fright' just didn't do it for me. I felt that Marlene Dietrich was really miscast in this film and that the highlight was from Alastair Sim, who gave his usual dry and witty commentary throughout the small part he had. Jane Wyman will never be one of my favourite actresses, I found her rather infuriating in 'The Lost Weekend' and she wasn't much better in this, constantly giving off the same facial expressions of bewilderment and panic as she did in the latter. This time, instead of playing the needy girlfriend of an alcoholic she plays a wannabe actress who struggles to help her friend out of a jam when she discovers that he has been accused of murder.

The film is good, and worth seeing because it's by Hitchcock but the ending was just a shambles and no way near as amazing as some of his earlier or later work. (Michael Wilding was rather good though).

The Spiral Staircase - 1945 ***

A film that I've kept hearing about but only recently seen 'The Spiral Staircase' is full of suspense and intrigue as the lead lady played by Dorothy McGuire is terrified over a series of murders that are commited by a serial killer on women with afflictions. Helen is a mute and therefore understandably worried about being bumped off in the middle of the night in the huge mansion she lives in, working for an old woman who is practically bedbound. The story is very exciting but I found the lead character rather irritating because of the fact that *SPOILERS* she has chosen to be a mute after a traumatic experience years ago left her not wanting to talk. I found her character strangely lacking, knowing that she could speak but just didn't want to.

The film is a good one to watch on a rainy afternoon but probably not one I would be desperate to see again.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - 2008 ***

One of the things that drew me to this film was the title, and the idea that I thought there would be some brilliant music throughout. This film wasn't bad, it was a decent way to kill a couple of hours, but I find myself comparing it to the vastly superior '5 Days of Summer' which I really enjoyed and found this to be less fun. I also had this impression that Michael Cera was one of the most annoying and irritating young actors of the present day, but he wasn't too bad in this. You actually strike up quite a bit of empathy for him after he is dumped by his horrible ( but typically popular) girlfriend Tris. He plays in a band with his best friends who are all gay ( and really very funny) and at a gig one night meets Norah an aquaintaince of Tris's who is at the gig purely to keep an eye on her thoroughly hopeless and drunk friend. So they strike up a bizarre friendship which gradually progresses, at the same time as being driven around the city by Nick's friends who are searching for their favourite band's secret concert that is being held somewhere..well.. secret. An okay film, although the fact that it's always the 'not very attractive' unpopular girl who wins the bloke's heart annoys me somewhat. There are girls out there that are nice-looking as well as kooky and interesting. As well it gives the impression that all girls who are attractive are as thick as too short planks.

The Ghost Train - 1941 *****

How have I never seen this movie before? Oh my goodness this is the type of movie that conjures up images of staying at my dad's at the weekend and sitting inside on Saturday morning with the rain pouring down outside watching a quaint and slightly disturbing old movie.

This is really a very good movie, and it's almost unheard of in modern day movies to see that a film about a ghost is given a 'U' rating which is even better. Although being a huge fan of George Formby I have never seen Arthur Askey in anything and it was a refreshing and delightful change. He seems to have the same 'variety hall show-business' act that Formby did although sometimes he goes a bit over the top. However! the basis of the story is simple, a group of passengers are stranded at an eerie train station one rainy and horrible night and are soon scared out their minds by the haunting tale of a ghost train that passes through the station at a certain point of the night. The teller of this story who works at the station refuses to stay with the group over night because he is so scared, and therefore the group decide to make the most of it in the waiting room, despite the continual annoyances of Askey's manic behaviour. A very funny and gentle film, it will scare you a bit but, only in a lovely and unassuming way. More Arthur Askey please!

In the Loop - 2009 * * * *

Peter Capaldi stole this movie for me. Those of you who have seen 'The Thick of It' will know exactly the types of jokes and situations that Malcolm Tucker gets himself into, and this film presents him yet again in his manic and angry light, swearing at everything anybody does every second of the day. Many people will find this annoying, but I think he's hilarious. For me, Tucker is like Woody Allen, his mannerisms will either captivate people or make them reach for the earplugs. Taking a rather simple idea about both the US and the UK wanting a war we are plunged headfirst into the chaos surrounding number 10 and then the White House and how the members of the Civil Service deal with them. Very funny, and very realistic.

Too Beautiful for You - 1990 * * *

Gerald Depardieu is a brilliant actor but he doesn't half play some horrible and unappealing characters. In this movie he plays Bernanrd, who is married to a beautiful woman but finds himself drawn to his plain and not very attractive secretary. The two begin an affair and very soon Bernard is in love with her, but cannot leave his wife. The movie starts as though you have missed out a chunk of the script which is very confusing, almost immediately they are in love, and then Bernard tells his wife about the affair but does nothing to rectify it. He doesn't seem to have a conscience or to worry about his wife's feelings, and also spends a good deal of the movie going from one woman to the next like a lovesick schoolboy because he can't make up his mind which one he prefers. The famous phrase of 'having your cake and eating it too' was never more fitting than for this character. However the women aren't much better and seem to have zero respect for themselves anyway ( the secretary stays with him even after she finds out he is married and his wife tries to brush the affair under the carpet hoping he will choose her all over again). The ending is excellent though and really made me feel that there is some justice in the world when it comes to men like that.

Mr Deeds Goes to Town - 1936 * * * *

Frank Capra struck gold with this movie. Constantly seeing it pop up in 100 greatest film lists I finally got around to watching it the other day and really enjoyed it. Starring the wise-cracking Jean Arthur who was one of the driest comic actresses I've seen in the Golden Age ( alongside Lombard and Harlow) and the lovely Gary Cooper we follow young Mr Deeds, a gentle and unassuming soul who comes into a lot of inherited money and goes to the big city to make his mark, bumping into Jean Arthur on the way who is in fact an undercover journalist, hoping to get a big story on him. However you know what is going to happen, of course she is going to fall for him, and then comes the problem of how she tells him that she is out for all she can get. On top of this, Mr Deeds is now dealing with an insanity charge after he kindly decides to give his money away to the less fortunate ( the city cannot believe anyone in their right mind would give any of their money to anyone else!) which climaxes in a really excellent and heart-felt speech in court towards the end of the film. Capra is a master for comedy and timing and although I wouldn't call this movie a screwball comedy it still serves it's fair share of laughs. Cooper and Arthur are well -suited to each other. Next on my list will be the next Capra movie - 'Mr Smith Goes to Washington.'

Das Experiment - 2001 * * 1/2

I'm not really sure what to make of this film. It's the terrifying and captivating story based on a real experiment that took place in 1971 of a group of men who volunteer for a prison experiment where their characteristics and actions will be studied by CCTV camera. The only catch is that one half of the group are chosen to act as guards and the other to act as prisoners. What starts off as a bit of a joke for the men who are hoping to make a bit of extra cash turns into a hellish nightmare as the 'prisoners' are degraded and humiliated by the now drunk on power 'guards.' It's absolutely terrifying to see men who go into this experiment as friends turn on each other because of their positions of power and submit each other to psychological and ( in the end) physical abuse despite one of the rules being that no violence is to be used. Even scarier perhaps is that many of these men have hidden sadistic tendencies which are freely explored throughout the film simply by being placed in a different environment. If I'm honest I didn't think much about this film immediately after I had seen it but nearly 4 days later and I'm still thinking about it and it chills me to the bone.

The End of the Affair - 1955 * * * * *

Why has the film not had more exposure? It was absolutely amazing! Set at the end of WW2 this Graham Greene novel centres around a bored wife (Deborah Kerr) of a civil servant (Christopher Lee in a very sympathetic role) who meets a writer one night at a party at their home and begins to fall for him. The affair itself is brief but the most interesting part of the film is what causes the affair to end and whether the reasons initially conjured up by the male protagonist are in fact correct. The more I see of Deborah Kerr on the big screen the more I cannot deny that she really is a brilliant actress, and so versatile. I have never seen Van Johnson in anything before and found his character to be the most interesting. The great thing about this film is that the two leads were totally complex and had a huge backlog of history about each of them as opposed to showing us nothing of substance. I really adored this movie and found the end heart-breaking. I am just amazed that this classic romance is never mentioned in top 100 romantic movie lists when something like 'Love Story' features heavily. Amazing.

Harold and Maude - 1971 * *

This is a cult classic. Millions of people supposedly love it. I didn't. I found it a very disturbing film. The movie centres around a young boy who is emotionally unprovided for by his mother and seeks to impress her in any way possible including bizarre suicide attempts to which his mother has become immune. When he meets Maude at a funeral his whole conception of life and love is turned around and he finds himself pursuing a relationship with her despite the vast age gap.

I understand what this film is trying to do, trying to show that no matter how old, what background they have, some people just 'fit' together and have similar attitudes to life bla bla. I just didn't enjoy it and found the relationship between the very young boy and the very old woman uncalled for. The film could have been shown as the girl and boy being roughly the same age and still had the same impact. Or maybe not, was the original idea to shock the audience? It did me, so much so that it's only getting 2 stars.

Shadows and Fog - 1991 * * *

Next on the list is Woody Allen's 'mess around' with arty black & white shots echoing the days gone by and taking a little piece of ever expressionist film that was ever made in the 1920s. Based roughly on Kafka's 'The Trial' this movie had a weird and surreal-like edge to it which made it curiously haunting and desperately watchable. Added to which the amazing back-log of stars who appeared in this was extraordinary ( John Malkovich, Madonna, Jodie Foster, Mia Farrow etc) and made it all the more interesting. The plot takes on a bizarre Fritz Langish twist, about a bookkeeper ( Allen) who is woken at night by his neighbours and asked to go with them to help track down a serial killer who is murdering people all through the misty and scary town. It doesn't make a huge amount of sense but Allen is really experimenting with noir photography in this and that is really the main thing to be focusing on.

September - 1987 * * 1/2

Oh dear oh dear, Woody Allen's films seem to be getting worse the more of them I see ( although I am watching them in a totally random order, picking at one or two here and there) and this latest offering from 1987 was just all downhill. I feel awful saying this because I am usually one of those people who needs a film to be full of intelligent and cleverly structured plots about relationships but I just found the pace of this movie was so awfully slow that even when things were happening between the characters I couldn't bring myself to enjoy or pay much attention to what was going on. I think that with a Woody Allen movie it needs to be fast and witty ( I mentioned this in my last review of the latest film of his that I had seen) instead of slowly acted. Other directors feast on slow suspense etc but Allen is not one of them ( only in my opinion of course!). I don't even think I really recommend this film to anyone...

Dressed to Kill - 1980 * * *

The idea of this film seemed rather silly to me at first, plus I knew the true culprit from the start which made it slightly less suspenseful, but this 80's offering from Brian de Palma was still up there with a truly nerve-wracking film experience. Michael Caine has never scared me so much as he did in this, ( I haven't seen 'Get Carter' so that maybe worse?) and one scene in particular near the end really got to me and I thought about it for hours afterwards. De Palma is a master of suspense that I'm sure would make Hitchcock shake him by the hand, and this film has slowly become one of those 'cult classics' that you need to see, despite how disturbing it may be.

Another Woman - 1988 ***

I can't really say much that's good about this film, the pace was dreadful, barely anything happened and the characters were intensely dislikeable. Gena Rowlands stars as a married woman having a mid-life crisis who, after renting an apartment downtown to do her writing in, begins to hear conversations coming from next door where a psychiatrist is talking to his patient (Mia Farrow). As she listens she begins to analyse her own life and understand what impact she has on the people closest to her, be it good or bad.

I really couldn't get on with this film and I wish I had been able to. There is something about Gena Rowlands that I don't like as an actor and I was hoping seeing her in something different ( after nearly falling asleep watching her in 'A Woman under the Influence') would make me like hr, but it didn't. Compared to many of Woody Allen's movies that are fast paced and zappy, (a bit like 30s screwball comedy) this was like a lead balloon.

The Lost Weekend - 1945 * * *

Billy Wilder was really pushing boundaries with a movie about an alcoholic in the 1940s. Especially an alcoholic who in my mind was totally dislikeable and pathetic in his actions. Ray Milland's performance is excellent however as he made me end up despising his character for the horrible way he treats the people in his life, much like a real alcoholic. His lack of willpower is also rather disgusting (he resorts to stealing and begging for money for a drink) all the time looking as though the problem lies with everyone else but him, the facts are if an alcoholic wants help enough, they will get it, but most of the time they couldn't really care less about getting better or how they make the people in their life feel. Alcoholics are selfish, expecting to be molly-coddled and looked after like babies because they can't function properly on their own.So is Milland's character, and the treatment of his lovely girlfriend ( Jane Wyman) is appalling.
A landmark film of it's time that I'm sure any other film about alcoholism remembers on it's way, but not one that I feel I would be happy to watch again, more than anything the experience of watching the film is completely draining.

Dark Tales of Japan - 2005 * * *

This movie took three goes for me to get into it, and even then, the beginning made me feel like maybe I was wasting my time, but in fact this DVD really ended up freaking me out. The disc is set into 5 short films by five different directors and they all had different effects on me. The First, a tale about a mysterious urban legend known as the 'Spider Woman' was very disturbing, the graphics were excellent and the end caused me to start checking the lounge for any 8-legged beings. The second ' Crevices' barely held my attention throughout because of the slow pace of the filming, not really scary but a couple of parts made me jump. 'The Sacrifice' made NO sense whatsover, a jumble of a film that, thank goodness wasn't the length of a full feature. 'Blonde Kwaiden' was just ridiculously silly, about a man who goes to his Hollywood hotel room and falls asleep on his bed, only to be awoken with the feeling that someone is lying next to him. The last short 'Presentiment' was in my opinion the most disturbing, it wasn't scary like the first short but it was so bizarre and weird that it really frightened me. A man commits embezzlement at work and rushes, relieved, to the elevator to begin his new life with his mistress. However, inside are three strange passengers who begin to unravel his sanity, bit by bit.

A worthwhile DVD to watch ( mine only cost £2!) and you do get to see a variety of work from some well known Japanese directors, but I wouldn't expect anything in the 'Asian Tartan Horror Extreme' range.

Chloe - 2009 * * *

Having seen the earlier and much better original French version of this movie I was really only watching this with a view to seeing if any parts had been done any differently or better. I needn't have worried as this American version barely did the original (Nathalie) any justice.

After suspecting her husband of having an affair, Julianne Moore's character hires Chloe, a prostitute to tempt her husband and see how he reacts. The story becomes more and more intense as Chloe becomes more and more unhinged with the film ending in a shocking climax. That is how I would have described the movie if I didn't already know what was going to happen. Certainly this movie will appeal to men who like seeing lesbian scenes as there manage to be a couple squeezed in here but as regards to the plot the earlier is far superior and eerie to this version. Hollywood seem to totally mess up remakes of brilliant French movies splattering them with too much going on in every scene as opposed to the slow-building suspense that comes from the original. To be fair though the ending will shock you, I wonder how many people will realise beforehand...?

Hit and Run - 2009 * *

For some reason this film really got on my nerves. The lead female was incredibly annoying and progressed through the film in a totally manic and awfully acted way. Having hit someone by accident whilst driving home drunk should be enough of a shock to make her stop and try and help the person but oh no, much better to drive off and pretend it was all a bad dream. I won't even deem to 'spoil' anymore of this shambles of a movie except to say that the camera crew focus far too much on the lead star's chest unstead of short occasions when her acting isn't too bad. Just a big jumble of a film. It's going straight to the charity shop.

The Invisible Ghost - 1941 * * *

It's hard to think about this film without laughing which really isn't the greatest compliment to a film that's supposed to be really quite scary. Bela Lugosi is a tremendous actor, but he appears slightly typecast in whatever movie he is cast in, regardless if it has anything to do with vampires. In this he is a loving father who goes into 'terrifying' trances every night and walks (much like Frankenstein's monster) into unsuspecting victim's rooms. The next morning the victim is dead and the father has no idea what happened. On the box of the DVD it says roughly that the ending is something that you will never see coming and that will shock you. *SPOILERS* There is no shock ending!! Nothing happens that we didn't know about ten seconds into the film. Where is the shock?

As anyone who regularly looks at my blog will know, I am an avid and obsessive watcher of classic films ( 30s,40s,50s,) and so it's not as though my saying that the film is without credit is because I only like new films! This film just isn't very good and moves at an embarassingly slow pace ( it was only just over an hour and I felt like it had been playing for days) with some actors who don't seem to have a clue what they are doing, half of the time idiotically over-acting as though they are still in silent film and the other half showing barely any passion at all when someone has just been strangled on the kitchen floor.

The three stars is because it's a b&w movie and I will be forever loyal to them, but nothing more.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad world - 1963 * * *

Ok lets get one thing straight, the reason I gave this movie three stars is because of Terry Thomas, I adore him as an actor and find everything he is in hilarious. I found it a little odd that he happened to be in a film that was a sort of mixture of lots of other really funny 60s movies ( Those Magnificent Men.., The Great Race, Monte Carlo or Bust)that he had been in, they were all about a million times funnier than this, although for his part he really stole the show for me. Added to which this film dragged on and on and on. And on. I always test my enjoyment of a movie by seeing how many times I check the clock and I spent most of this film with one eye on the minute hand. The jokes just weren't that funny and seemed forced, the who idea of the movie (a dying man tells his rescuers that he has lots of money buried somewhere under a big 'W' and they all decide to drop what they are doing and find the money first) has been done loads of times before. Even Spencer Tracey wasn't right for the part, he wasn't funny and he wasn't serious, a sort of weird and slightly creepy combination. And also, the title of the film is ridiculous, I don't understand the need for the repeated 'Mad' or am I just getting cynical in my young age?

As a film that was talked about by people I respect as being amazingly funny I felt really let down, all in all its a 'Bad Bad Bad Bad film...

Le Secret - 2000 * * 1/2

Desperately disappointed by this I wondered whether I had missed out something major that would have made me love it. But no, it really was just a not very good film. In short the film centres around a husband and wife who are supposedly happy until one day the woman ( who sells encyclopedias for a living) goes to a customers house and falls in lust with the man staying there temporarily. ( The man who ordered the encyclopedias is out of the country for a while so this other man is keeping house for him etc etc). An affair follows with all the excitement of a wet dishcloth and all the passion of a brick wall. Neither character seems to feel very comfortable shooting their sex scenes which in turn makes everyone watching feel like they are spying on someone's parents in bed. The selfishness of the woman who believes she isn't doing anything wrong because her lovely husband is simply not exciting enough really got on my nerves. There are loads more affair related movies out there that make you care deeply about the characters, but this was not one of them.

Radio Days - 1987 * * *

Everytime I look on blogs or forums regarding Woody Allen it always seems to be the same - all the films I think are amazing by him are in fact slated harshly by others and visa versa. Whilst it was moderately amusing and kept my attention I didn't really enjoy my latest offering as much as some of his others. Radio Days concentrates on looking back to the time when radio ruled and the relationships between the people who listened to it. It's certainly nostalgic and interesting to watch as I loved jazz music from 40s and 50s which was featured heavily but there was still something lacking for me. Also Woody Allen, although narrating wasn't actually in the movie at all which is always a downer for me.

One to watch because it's work of the genius but not one to own, I doubt I'd see it again.

Cherry Tree Lane - 2010 * * * *

I was surprised at this film, it was actually very good and full of suspense. And there was one vital element that made me like it so much and made it almost unique in it's marketing of a horror movie (*SPOILERS* - no one actually dies!). The acting was startlingly real, I can imagine people like this acting this way, and the element of hearing but not seeing what is going on was excellent, this is what a suspense film is all about!! Even better it was very short, coming in at under 1 hour and 1/2 which made you want even more!

A married couple sit down to dinner in their home when a knock at the door changes everything. Doesn't sound very exciting, but it really is. My advice, just watch, but not alone.

Piranha - 2010 * * *

I didn't see this movie in 3D and to be honest I don't think it really mattered. What I think is a shame about films like this nowadays is that the directors cannot draw in an audience without the promise of naked women and lesbian shots. What about the females who want to watch a freaky film about a piranha?? Are we not as important.

Story - err, except for the lesbianism, breasts, arses? not much, but there was a fair amount of gore which made me feel a bit better, all people working in this film deserved to be partially eaten by small killing fish. As I'm not a typical male I don't think spending a good deal of the film having to watch Kelly Brook jiggle her tits up and down and touch up a blonde sl** underwater while loads of hormone-frenzied men have a good gawp is something that draws me to a film. I knew she would be in it but not to this extent. The directors obviously couldn't think of anything else to fill the time. Don't even get me started on the 'underwater ballet sequence' - totally pointless! I can hear all the men out there reading this going 'you're just jealous bla bla bla', er no, I'm just not a typical bloke who thinks with his ****, and when I watch a movie I expect a good story. I don't need nudity to do that but obviously men do. Come to think of it maybe the directors are actual geniuses, they know exactly what today's male audience's want, shame it's not changed in all these years but then again men are simple beings.

(Oh by the way the 3 1/2 score is for the carnage and killings, *SPOILERS*- and when Kelly Brook gets eaten becasue she's such a dumb bi*** she can't hold on to a rope properly, the rest of the film should be put away somewhere and never taken out again)

The Reef - 2010 * * * 1/2

There isn't a huge amount to say on 'The Reef', but only because everyone knows the basic story anyway, it's been done so many times that I find it amazing directors still think they are coming up with an 'original' idea.

Using their friend's sail-boat a group of friends decide to go out to the Great Barrier Reef to dive. ( sound familiar?) Everything is wonderful until the boat crashes into some underwater rocks ( what a surprise, having rocks at the barrier reef...) and capsizes. The End. Not really.

Aware that the upturned boat is sinking fast the friends realise that they can either stay on the boat and hope someone finds them ( how..??) or make a swim for an island that one of the blokes claims is 'about 12 miles away' ( although he has no idea what direction so for all they know they could be swimming in circles) . All but one of the friends decide to make the trip leaving one man left on the sinking vessel. *SPOILERS* - The rest of the film involves a lot of screaming, groaning, moaning and looks of amazement as the group experience sharks, sharks and, well the same shark over an over again. In my opinion the poor shark is minding his own business and only becomes attracted to the group because they are yelling and thrashing about like they are on something. Added to which the smart-arse who is leading the group can't resist swimming underwater to get a good glimpse of the shark everytime someone spots a fin about 100 miles away and if I was a shark this would drive me barmy. All I can say is they all had it coming. If they were quiet and stopped shrieking and dragging their blood-stained feet through the water the shark wouldn't have noticed them, what's a shark to do?

A film you don't need to watch because if you've seen any shark-related movies ( Jaws, Open Water, Adrift) then you've already seen this. You just don't know it yet. Look at that, I did say a huge amount.

Anyway!

Husbands and Wives - 1992 * * *

If no one has already noticed I adore Woody Allen and how talented he is. My mission is to see every single one of his movies he ever directed, produced and starred in. Husbands and Wives was high on the list because he was starring in it with Mia Farrow (who I'm pretty sure had just ended their relationship regarding his infidelity when filming began) and I love how the pair interact with each other.

This film actually isn't based on the Allen-Farrow relationship although viewers might at first believe so and therefore it was slightly easier to watch knowing that it was all make-believe. Judy and Gabe are horrified one evening to hear that their two best married friends are splitting up as an experiment and this causes them to focus on the already obvious problems in their own relationship.

Expect classic Allen, ad-libbing all over the place and making nearly every scene his own. This isn't one of his best in my opinion but still one you have to watch.

Juste Avant Le Nuit - 1971 * * * *

One of Chabrol's best known films 'Just before Night Fall' stars (yet again!) Stephane Audran whose husband Charles, played by Michel Bouquet (who was also her husband in 'La Femme Infidele') is having an affair with his best friend's wife. When a sex game goes terribly wrong, Charles realises that he has accidently killed the wife. Plagued by guilt he can't decide whether to confess all or try and cover it up. You'll never guess what happens next. This film has all the makings of a Chabrol, elegent, classy and thoroughly unpredictable, just like a 70s thriller should be.

Le Biches - 1968 * * * 1/2

One of the things that I'm really liking about Chabrol is how he uses most of the same people in his films. I feel like I have become quite a good judge of spotting people from his other movies and it's quite fun as well. Stephane Audran this time plays a beautiful but bored woman who picks up a lonely girl that she is attracted to in Paris and whisks her off to her holiday home for some romance and fun. Once there however, the girl ( nicknamed 'Why' by the people living on the house) has an affair with a man that Audran is interested in, then all hell breaks loose. Not a brilliant film but strangely eerie in that Chabrol way with some excellent acting of course from Audran who is fast becoming one of my favourite French stars. The mandatory twist in the ending is also typically bizarre.

The Last Kiss - 2006 *

The Last Kiss is a prime example of what is wrong with modern films. There is no elegence, a pathetic story and a load of shallow and stupid characters who just care about their sexual needs and NOTHING else. Ok, for anyone who actually cares - Zach Braff ( does he enjoy playing stupid moronic characters or is it his actual character?) is nearly 30 (oooo that's ancient) and his lovely girlfriend has announced she is pregnant. Instead of being over the moon he rushes off to his gormless friends who all seem to know nothing about relationships anyway to moan about how his life is now effectively over and that there will be no more surprises ( ie he won't be able to sleep with anyone else and we all know that's the only thing men care about really). Fastforward a few scenes and oh what a surprise he meets a slutty and dumb college student and starts to get excited at the idea that one female still finds him attractive, it must be worth ruining your perfect relationship for surely! I'm sure you can guess what happens without me telling you so I won't bother, let's just say he treats his girlfriend appallingly, simply because he can't be a responsible adult ( maybe he should of thought of that before having a baby???) and thinks that the choices he makes are justified because 'he is confused about where he is in life' ( oh that makes it totally fine then). A pathetic and head-against-brickall movie that will make you want to stay away from every man out there that has a pulse, it also paints a picture that all men are commitment-phobic and see a serious relationship as some sort of punishment, chaining them to one person until they enjoy the sweet release of death when they could be out there sleeping with 100 women a day. Don't watch this with a boyfriend as you will hate them by the end, in fact just don't watch it at all. I wish I hadn't.

Le Boucher - 1970 * * * 1/2

Still hot on my Claude Chabrol film-fest I decided it was time to see 'Le Boucher'; the only movie of Chabrol's that is present in my 1001 movies to see before you die book. This time we are dealing yet again with Stephane Audran ( who was apparently Chabrol's wife - that might explain the constant use of her) as a lovely but lonely school-teacher who strikes up a friendship/relationship with a butcher at a friend's party. At the same time, a serial killer is loose near the village, killing young girls as he goes along. If you think Chabrol is dated and for people who don't like to be scared then you haven't seen one of the last scenes in this movie which has all the terror and haunting element that a modern thriller would have today (in fact, it's even better, no special effects, just excellent acting). It scared me so much I was thinking about it for hours afterwards. This is a tense thriller with a few genuinely scary moments (another concerns the schoolchildren picniking on the rocks outside the village, very eerie) that should definitely be watched.

La Femme Infidele - 1969 * * * *

La Femme Infidele, otherwise known as 'The Unfaithful Wife' is the first Claude Chabrol film I have ever seen. I was aware that Chabrol was known as 'the French Hitchcock' which made me want to watch one of his movies even more. There has also been a more recent adaptation of this film copied almost identically which I am sure most viewers will prefer to this one. However not me. I found the modern one sterile and unfeeling whilst this one was exciting, very well acted and far more classy. The story sort of does what it says on the tin, centring round a beautiful but bored housewife who starts becoming very friendly with another man when her husband is slaving away at the office. Before long however the husband starts to think that all is not well and gets a private investigator to follow his wife's movements during the day. When his fears are confirmed he doesn't fly into a rage with his wife, in fact he doesn't even tell her that he knows,having his own course of revenge planned out, and what happens next is brilliant to the extreme. The film is amazingly alike to Hitchcock, same mood, same style, but just a bit more passionate and chic which could only be possible from the films being filmed in France. Stephane Audran is obviously Chabrol's leading lady just as Grace Kelly or Tippi Hedren are Hitchcock's and I will be interested to see more of her work.

Orphan - 2009 * * * 1/2

The posters for this movie claim that you will never guess her secret. That is for sure. I didn't, and I've seen a lot of horror films. However there are many parts of this film that leave you speechless because they are SO unlikely. A couple who lose their baby decide to adopt a 9 year old called named Esther. Esther is perfectly nice but also very mysterious, wearing out-dated clothes and knows far more about sex than a girl of her age should. Naturally the mother becomes suspicious, but the father is not having any of it seemingly totally enthralled by the girl. One thing is for sure, bad things happen around Esther, people get hurt, and there are even rumours that children in the orphanage she used to live in became involved in accidents when she was present.

Go on, watch this film and try and guess her secret, you never will.

PS This is the second horror film where the husband is a total b****ard ( first was Farmhouse)

Farmhouse - 2009 * * * *

I was NOT expecting the ending to Farmhouse. And to be perfectly honest it spoilt the whole film, or did it save it?I still can't decide. It certainly irritated me. Sometimes you just want to watch a gorey, disgusting movie for no reason other than to be freaked out and thank god your at home all cosy. That was what I was hoping would happen with this one when I watched it last week. The film focuses on a couple who, after losing their baby decided to start a new life in another part of America ( I think it's Seattle but that's not really important.) The husband refuses to stop and rest on their trip and ends up crashing the car in the middle of nowhere ( the husband's pretty much an idiot and a wimp in this film anyway so you realise how much you dislike him from the very beginning of the film). The couple come across a farmhouse inhabited by a really friendly couple who offer them accommodation for the night, it's kind of obvious what happens next... The middle part of the film is gruesome, I'm not going to deny that, but I actually found it really exciting ( one scene in particular involving a cheese-grater will disturb you for days afterwards) and throughout the film you realise that the friendly couple are really not who they seem to be at all. The film is all about wrong judgements and how your impressions of the characters are not necessarily the way they actually are. However as mentioned before, the ending sort of spoils the movie, trying to make it something it's not. One I may watch again ( and that's very rare for a horror movie).

The Killing of Sister George - 1968 * * *

Forgive me for being naive but I had no idea that this was the first breakthrough lesbian film to ever make it out on general release! The plot seemed a bit muddled to me but I still decided it was worth while seeing. Beryl Reid is brilliant as June, the man hating and alcoholic sadistic who portrays the loveable Sister George on screen and who lives in a London flat with her lover 'Childie' ( what a disturbing name for a partner) played excellently by Susannha York. June's real character is disgusting, unable to let Childie have a life or have any male aquaintances without flinging drunken accusations at her. Her overbearing paranoia and disgusting behaviour soon drive Childie away, into the arms of another woman, who just happens to be George's TV producer. Except for one graphic scene towards the end (which I'm sure is the reason that this film is papered over nowadays as seemingly unappropriate for 60s film) there isn't a huge amount happening here that could construe a truly shocking film. The relationship between Childie and June is hardly outwardly lesbian and therefore if you were coming in as a stranger to see this without knowing the background you wouldn't understand all the hype.

Worth a watch to say you've seen it, but not sure if my copy will not be better in a charity shop.