Monsters VS Aliens - 2009 * * *

Alien Problem? Monster Solution.

I was eager to see this to compare it with other Dreamworks films including Bolt and Monsters Inc, but have to say it wasn't as great as I had imagined it would be.There are always funny moments in Pixar but normally what makes me love the movies so much is that the characters are likable and the type that you want to go on a journey with. For starters I didn't like the main character Susan who was whiny and wingey throughout, and her obnoxious boyfriend Derek? Well don't get me started on his rudeness! I liked the 3 monsters that Susan spends most of the movie with especially Hugh Laurie's mad scientist cockroach (in fact I think he pretty much made the movie for me) but unfortunately I wasn't gripped enough or excited enough by the story to pay too much attention. A mighty shame considering Monsters Inc was a masterpiece.

Jaws: The Revenge - 1987 * * *

This time it's personal.

There are many reveiwers who think this is better than the original Jaws, and I have to say that I wasn't expecting it to be quite as good considering it was the 4th sequel to be churned out of the 'killer shark' franchise. I was happy that 2 of the original characters were in this one as neither had been in the 3rd movie, and Michael Caine provided some welcome relief as Ellen Brody's new love interest. This shark was certainly a whole lot meaner and some of the scenes are pretty scary, making you wince but still want to watch through your clasped hands. Ellen's son Sean is killed quite close to the beginning by the great white and that sends her almost over the edge with terror that such a hideous beast could still be prowling the nearby waters. I don't really understand why this movie wasn't brought out as Jaws 3 and Jaws 3 as Jaws: The Revenge, because it would have made more sense to follow the characters through to the end instead of totally disregarding them in the 3rd movie and then suddenly bringing them back for the 4th. Still there was enough gore and horror in this to keep me occupied so all in all I'd say not a bad attempt.

Jaws 3 - 1983 * *

A deadly new attraction.

I hate to go along with the stereotypical opinion that sequels get worse and worse the more that are made but it can't be truer than here! The first Jaws was pretty darn good, the second was not bad at all and this one, the third helping of angry shark on a rampage was pretty dire!

Added to which it's a different shark! The basis around this movie is that a mother goes on a killing spree after her baby is taken to the Sea World attraction to be put on display soon after being found out at sea. I suppose the idea sound pretty good and there are some eerie moments including one where all the visitors to the park are trapped in the 'Undersea Kingdom' with an maniac of a shark chasing them!

Hearing what I have just written it does actually sound like a good movie, just poorly executed but I still don't rate it nearly as much as the 2nd or the 1st.

Exte: Hair Extensions - 2007 * * *

What lovely hair you have...

This was a bizarre film. It wasn't so much scary as totally disturbing and seriously puts you off having any extensions of any kind put into your hair. The idea for the movie is that someone who is murdered has her hair cursed and then (unknowingly) it is used to make hair extensions for a busy and popular hair salon. Every girl who uses the hair extensions then becomes cursed herself etc etc, a typical Japanese sounding story really. Certain scenes do make your stomach churn though (such as a dead body growing her hair at a freakishly fast rate out of cuts on her arm and even out of her eye sockets) but most of the film is pretty similar to other Japanese horrors except for the idiotic beginning where the characters dictate and narrate to us as they are going about their daily duties, it is infuriating.

The Invisible Man - 1933 * * * *

Catch him if you can.

For a film that's over 70 years old this movie really does have some amazing special effects. The bizarre aspect of the film is that we don't actualy get to see the real invisible man until the very last scene and that's pretty frustrating when you've become so wrapped up in his life. Claude Rains is excellent as the man who, after experimenting on himself becomes totally invisible, but also deranged and dangerous. He finds himself in an inn where he attempts to find the cure to what has happened, the only trouble is the owners just won't leave him alone...

Amazing to watch (including the scenes where Rains unbandages himself, and where he causes havoc in the small village by knocking out anyone who gets in his way) and also very funny, the Invisible Man is a great movie because although we know it is only make believe, there is a horrible feeling in the bottom of our stomachs that it could happen, and what on earth would we do if it did?

Grab this movie, plus some popcorn and a rainy afternoon and you have yourself a real treat which proves that you don't have to watch a modern day film to have an amazing experience (but then I knew that already;) )

The Warrior - 2001 - * * *

Honour is worth more than pride.

This film certainly packed a punch and there are plenty of gruesome mutilated heads and bodies being flung around. All these warriors protecting one princess who didn't even seem to be able to defend herself was a bit of a joke. The story appeared to be about the warriors and one very important warrior who can kill loads of the oppostition just by a flick of his wrist. Not a bad story but a bit jumbled in my opinion.

The Stranger - 1946 * * * 1/2

The most deceitful man a woman ever loved!

This film has sat on my shelf for years but it was only yesterday that I decided to watch it. Compelling and gripping throughout, Orson Welles plays the husband-to-be of Loretta Young, who's very presence is a problem for Edward G. Robinson who arives at the town of Harper to investigate the disappearance of a notorious war criminal. Orson Welles is charming on the outside to all who know him, but Robinson isn't fooled and begins to follow his trail which ends with a terrifying climax.

The Phantom of the Opera - 1943 * * *

He creates the music of the night!

I've only seen Claude Rains in a few other movies but I think this was one of his best performances. His portrayal as the dedicated violinist who is disfigured horribly after wrongly believing he has been robbed off a concerto he was working on for over 2 years. The scene where he tries to find his manuscript after leaving it to be looked over at a publishing house is heart-breaking and brought tears to my eyes. He may not be the most charismatic portrayal of the 'Phantom' but he was one of the sweetest. Susanna Foster was very annoying as Christine though but her two suitors were hilarious.

Also noted that it won 2 Oscars.

Possessed - 1947 * * * *

If she couldn't have him then no one could!

Joan Crawford sizzled in this late 40s noir about a woman obsessed with a stubborn and egotistical man who didn't return her affections. From what I'm aware I don't think this was a particularly well-known movie but it really should have been. This and Joan Crawford's masterpiece 'Mildred Pierce' are I think two fo her finest works. Bette Davis was reportedly offered this role but turned it down to go on maternity leave and I'm glad she did, because Crawford was perfect. Raymond Massey was also very sympathetic as Crawford's boss who later becomes her husband. A very atmospheric attempt at classic noir.

Crime Spree - 2003 * * * *

Simple Job, Simple Minds.

I had no idea this was going to be such an amusing film when I sat down to watch it. To be honest I wasn't really expecting anything much despite it having Harvey Keitel and Gerard Depardieu as it's cast leads. The story follows a group of clumsy French crooks who accidently burgle a gang boss (Harvey Keitel) and then go on the run with a series of hilarious scenarios. Renaud and Johnny Hallyday are famous rock stars in France and some of their scenes they do together (including having an argument over the radio that is conveniently playing both their tracks on different stations) are extremely funny to watch. The whole entourage work well together and I am really pleased I watched it. A pleasant hour and a half.

A Kiss Before Dying - 1955 * * * *

He had looks, charm and killer instinct.

Boy of boy was I happy at the end of this movie. I'd bought this film and saved it for months and months before choosing today, a horrible dark and rainy day to watch it.
I've never seen Robert Wagner before in a film and really found that he shone in his role as the psychotic and sociopathic Bud who will do anything for money, even if it means killing.
His girlfriend Dorothy accidently becomes pregnant much to Bud's horror, and so, while she is imagining getting married to Bud, he is plotting something quite horrific.
I had originally thought this movie was going to be filmed in black&white but was equally happy when it turned out to be colour for it really gave you a glimpse into 1950's American life, especially at the university that Bud and Dorothy attend.
I personally loved the film and found the acting to be really good considering it's a movie that I've never heard of before. I love these surprise gems!

Dr Strangelove or How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb - 1964 * *

Shoot First, Ask Questions later.

I really don't see what the big deal is about this movie. It's barely funny, it doesn't really pass for satirical and the characters (with the exception to Peter Sellars playing 3 people) are nothing special. Stanley Kubrick seems to favour weird and surreal characters and storylines (see his later movie of 'Clockwork Orange') and sometimes I understand them and other times I don't. This was one of the times I didn't get it. I found it boring, utterly trying and painfully long to sit through - that is not what I call a 'masterpiece of satirical back comedy.'

Alone With Her - 2006 * * *

Anytime, Anywhere, He's watching.

I kept seeing this movie in my local DVD shop but never decided to buy it until recently. The synopsis of the story seemed pretty good so I gave it a shot. Some people may be put off by the fact that most of what we are seeing is from the crackly and sometimes distorted camcorder that is picking up every movement of the unsuspecting girl in her house.

This is a scary film, not for gore or bloodshed, but for the lengths someone will go to for their obsession with someone else.

Colin Hanks plays 'Doug', a shy loner who becomes obsessed with a young girl he sees walking her dog in the park. His interest however is not just friendly, for after secretly installing cameras in her house in every room he soon turns nasty towards the girl and her friend in such a terrifying way that it will seriously scare the viewer.

Both leads are played convincingly and overall the film comes together very well.

Troy - 2004 * * * *

Fight for Honour, Fight for Love.

Although this film was desperately long (weighing in at over 3 hours) it really is worth the time once you get into it, however stopping half way through the movie to change DVD's for part 2 is a tad off-putting.

Brad Pitt leads a stellar and brilliant cast as Achilles - powerful, arrogant and dedicated to killing. While Brad Pitt is a pretty good actor in some things I didn't really feel like he was suited for this role. He's far too chiselled and 'American Pretty-boy-esque' to make it as a rugged and ruthless warrior. Half the time he looks like he's trying to model for a spray tan company. Added to that, he seems to have no conscience whatsover and there is no way that viewer's can really relate to him. He doesn't care about anyone enough to consider not killing them and blasts his way through battle stabbing and decapitating left right and centre. His accent was also ridiculous, nothing like a character from this film would actually sound and it put me off his character even more.

Orlando Bloom is also miscast for his role as Paris. At times he looks like a women and is so weak and gentle that he can't possibly have a chance making it as a warrior. He doesn't seem like a very independent character and this isn't much for us to work with.

Eric Bana is the strongest of the 3 main characters playing Paris's brother Hector and the only one who you could actually imagine realistically in that part. He suits the look that the director was trying to go for. He is also the most courageous, the most loyal and the most like a gentleman, for all these reasons he was my favourite character.

Other highlights included Peter O'Toole as Hector and Paris's father who gave such a heart-rendering performance that it was a shame he wasn't one of the lead characters, he acted his socks off.

Maybe the logistics of the story weren't totally accurate but you have to put that aside knowing it was exactly what the director had envisioned. I thought the graphics, the majority of the performances and the general feel of the film was sumptuous and it is well worth a watch.

Frankie and Johnny - 1991 * * * * *

You never choose love, love chooses you.

Frankie and Johnny surprised me in more ways than I expected. I had imagined this film as one that didn't really showcase either of the main stars, and that had a barely interesting story that I doubted would hold my attention. In fact I found out that Al Pacino can actually do comedy, and pretty well in my opinion, and that Michelle Pfeiffer plays nearly every role I've seen her in with an amazing and capturing quality. You really can't seem to take your eyes off her on the screen. The story itself isn't amazing - a waitress and an ex con turned cook meet while working at a Greek coffee house and, though he is very interested in her, she keeps her distance from him at all costs but he doesn't know why.

I really enjoyed the film, even more so as it isn't one that is really talked about much as regards to good films, and so I feel in a way like I've found a hidden gem, which always makes for the best type of movie.

The Squid and the Whale - 2005 * * * * *

Joint custody blows.

I'm not surprised this film has won awards, including the Sundance, for I have not seen such a realistic and gritty portrayal of a family going through divorce for a long time. What I really liked about the movie was that it wasn't forced. It didin't feel like the children were trying to act in a particular way or approach the subject in a way that they had been told to. It all seemed very natural and pretty uncomfortable in parts as well just like it would in real life. In some places it felt like we were watching a real family from a hidden camera. Understandably the two children are devestated about their parents seperating and both react in different ways, the younger becoming sexually disturbed and the older deciding to take out all the agression he has kept inside onto his young and naive girlfriend. Laura Linney is brilliant in her part of exhausted and let down wife and Jeff Daniels really shows how far his acting skills reach as the pompous, arrogant and mean-spirited husband. Before long the children are being tossed backwards and forwards as they alternate days with father and mother and it starts to become too much for everyone involved to cope with.
Amazing performances and a wonderfully realistic portrayal.

Blood: The Last Vampire - 2009 * * *

Where evil grows, she preys.

The one thing that kept me stuck on the edge of my seat with this film was not the exciting action, instead it was my amusement at thinking I may possibly be watching Archie out of 'Eastenders' playing an American in a vampire film. I still wasn't 100% sure whether I was seeing things until the end credits rolled and it was only then that I realised I wasn't going mad and that it actually was him. Onto the actual film now - I am aware that this movie was based on a short anime but you don't necessarily need to have watched that in order to see this. It was pretty violent, pretty sharp and pretty action packed, but it wasn't brilliant by any lengths and although I found the main character Saya to be perfect in the part, I thought that her friend and 'sidekick' (if you can even call her that) was gastly and a dreadful addition showing us a stereotypical teenager attitude to everything which sometimes defied the object of having Saya there and on her side. The actress who plays Saya really seemed to get her just right, as she is portrayed as young and naive with her school uniform and knee-length socks when in reality she is a cold-hearted killer. Not a bad film but once is probably too much for me.

The Stepford Wives - 1975 * * * *

Something strange is happening in the town of Stepford.

I remember watching the most recent version of this movie a while back and totally hating it. The acting was stodgy and unrealistic and the characters were gastly to the point of nausea.

This original version however based on the novel by Ira Levin was pretty darn good and really quite eerie. It centres around the character of Joanna who moves with her husband to Stepford hoping to become more involved with the community. What happens instead is that Joanna's husband suddenly starts behaving strangly and becomes a member of the hush hush men's club that all the husbands seem to be a part of. The wives all seem like robots to Joanna, only concerned with looking perfect and having the house all spotlessly clean for when their husbands come home from work and it is only when she meets another unsuspecting wife called Bobbie that the pair realise they need to find out what is happening in the town. A freakishly acted and haunting film that has stayed in my minds for days after viewing, added to which Katherine Ross is great in her role as Joanna and Paula Prentiss adds a touch of humour to her role as Bobbie.

Worth a watch but avoid the most recent version like the plague.

Young Frankenstein - 1974 * * * * *

The scariest comedy of all!

This really was a funny film. Right from the start Gene Wilder is hot to trot making the viewers guffaw with laughter as he performs his trademark bemused looks and exasperated groans. Especially his constant correction to anyone who pronounces his name as 'Frankenstein' to which he growls 'it's Fronkanshteen.' Mel Brooks as usual is on top form directing here and knows exactly which buttons to press to make his audience fall about laughing. Marty Feldman also offers even more comic relief as Wilder's smarmy but slightly simple assistant who always has a smart-alec remark to make at the worst possible time. I really love Gene Wilder and in almost everything I have seen him in he has amused me. He has a knack of knowing exactly when to look or speak and always makes everyone laugh. One of the funniest sequences of the film is 'Putting on the Ritz' - I won't say anymore except that Mel Brooks originally didn't want the scene in the film for fear it would be too random, but relented when he saw it acted, and in a film directed by Mel Brooks surely nothing is too random for us to see!

Worth one watch, 2 or maybe even three...

Cat People - 1982 * *

They are more than lovers and are about to become less that human.

Ok I'm sorry but this film was more than dull! the scenes were dragged out to about an inch of their lives and the story was ridiculous, not because of that actual plot but because of the way it was filmed. I know it's a remake of the 1942 movie of the same name and I desperately wanted to see that first but had to content myself with this one because the other is almost impossible to find. I now wish I hadn't bothered seeing this and had waited for the suspense filled original. What a waste of time.

The Haunting in Connecticut - 2009 * * *

Some things cannot be explained.

I was seriously disappointed by this film. I was expecting to be scared out of my wits but instead I was mildly amused and about as unscared as I could be. To add to this, the film is supposedly based on a true story which just seemed far from realistic. The story is based on a family who decide to look for a house in Connecticut because their son is suffering from a form of cancer that is making him to weak to commute on long journeys, and they find an amazing house for a cheap price. However it is not long before the son starts experiencing weird and terrifying things such as figures occupying his room attired in old fashioned clothes. The family soon find out that the house used to be a funeral home. Que more terrifying phenomena. I won't say that the acting wasn't very good because it was but there was just something deeply unpalatable about the story and I wasn't impressed.

Love Story - 1970 * * *

Love means never having to say your sorry.

First off, the above quote is one of the cheesiest and stupidest quotes for a love film that I've ever heard. Basically you can just do whatever you like and you don't need to apologise if your actions hurt others. Lovely motto.

This film isn't bad but it certainly wasn't as good as I imagined it was going to be. The two characters wound me up so much at the beginning with their constant insults and put-downs to each other that I struggled to find any rapport with either of them. I really wanted to love the pair of them and find a deeper, romantic meaning in the film that I have heard from countless other people but it just wasn't there for me. I did feel a tinge of sadness towards the end but nothing like the buckets of tears I've cried over films such as 'Bridges of Madison County.'

I didn't think much of the acting to be honest although I'm sure I'll get caned for saying so, as I felt like the characters were too rigid and unemotional towards each other. Not a bad film but not one I'll keep getting out for a rainy day.

Behind the Mask - The Rise of Leslie Vernon - 2007 *

We all need someone to look up to.

This quite frankly was a shambles of a movie. I immediately noticed comparisons to 'Man Bites Dog' which is a foreign film based around a camera crew following a serial killer around on his day to day murders. That was a pretty awful film and this was like a bad and totally unfunny Americanised version of it. Leslie Vernon is a pathetic and idiotic excuse for a serial killer and not in the least bit scary which kinda means your in trouble when trying to create a terrifying serial killer persona. The storyline was virtually non-existant and there were times I wondered why the film had ever been made. Added to which the acting was diabolical and I was so relieved to see the end of the film it's going straight in the bin.

The Rock - 1996 * * * 1/2

Only one man has ever broken out. Now 500 lives depend on 2 men breaking in.

I've heard great things about this movie but never actually seen it. Once I had I realised what all the fuss was about. Setting a film in Alcatraz is always a good move and so was putting Sean Connery in as the mysterious yet comical ex-convict who was the only man ever to successfully break out of the notorious prison. Together he and Nicholas Cage have to work around the clock to rescue a group of people who are on a tour of Alcatraz and who have become hostages to manic and sadistic ex war hero Ed Harris. Expect explosions, violence, shoot outs and a particularly memorable scene with a gorgeous yellow ferrari. Worth a watch with the lights out for special effect.

Public Enemies - 2009 * * * * *

America's most wanted.

I've waited eagerly to see this for nearly a year now and was lucky enough to watch it last night. Being a massive fan of all things 1930s I couldn't wait to see how Michael Mann had encapsulated the time period and the characters. From the start the film gripped me, Depp was amazing as John Dillinger who robbed banks with his gang, earning himself the title of Public Enemy no 1. Christian Bale plays Melvin Purvis, the official whose task it is to capture him. Bale is also superb. Everything about this film is glamourous, the trilbies, the tommy guns and the clothing, but we are still treated to some pretty gastly and bloody scenes of full-on shoot outs between Dillinger's gang and the police. However much I'd like to deny it, the 1930s at this time is one of the places I longed to live in, including the terror and the mayhem, I probably would have done very well as a ganster's moll. We see Dillinger in a not unsympathetic way when he falls in love but also his other side which is hardened criminal of the justice system. I liked the balance of his character, and also the contrast to Bale's character.

Although over 2 hours this movie flew by for me and I totally loved it. I loved the story, the characters and the period. One of the best films of the year (or rather last year).

The Singing Detective - 2004 * * *

Murder, seduction and betrayal. He wrote the book, now he's living it.

This was one hell of a strange movie. Robert Downey Jnr stars as a crime writer diagnosed with a rare skin disorder. As he is confined to his hospital bed he begins to imagine all sorts of scenarios involving his wife and characters from his book. This is interspersed with songs that he imagines himself singing from the 50s and 60s. By the time you get to the middle of the film you are unsure what is in his head and what is actually real. I guess that is what makes it so peculiar and also so clever. If it wasn't for Robert Downey the film may not be as well received and it does sort of muddle with your head, but in a good way, and his wit and sarcasm are still present throughout.

Southland Tales - 2006 *

Have a nice Apocalypse.

There have been people who have criticised viewers who didn't enjoy this movie as not wanting to use their brains or not 'understanding film making at it's best.' I did not enjoy this movie and to be honest it's nothing to do with using your brain or not; I wouldn't even want to use my brain over this mess of a film. If this film had been half the length then I still wouldn't have understood it anymore. Random plot put aside, the characters were even weirder - an actor turned amnesiac, a porn star/ tv presenter and a police man, and his twin brother.... Confused? Yes, you will be for the whole film. From what I could make out the film was supposed to be a rather disjointed attempt at showing us what the end of the world would be like, and how totally random it would be. The actors were all wrong for the parts and I'm not going to credit the director for coming up with an 'original' idea - even original ideas don't have to be so confusing and mixed up. By the time I was over half way of watching this it felt like a chore to have to sit through until the end and that's not how I perceive film-watching to be; it should be an enjoyable experience. Granted though I have not seen such a bizarre and surreal movie in a long time but even knowing it was this odd didn't make me like it anymore. I felt the same way I did when I'd finished 'Blue Velvet' - like I'd literally wasted 2 hours of my life on something I was trying to force myself to understand and like. I am not one normaly to give up on movies but if film continue to be churned out in this disturbing and idiotic manner then I may as well just stop after the first 10 minutes.

36 - 2004 * * * *

With friends like these...

I think I must have watched a bit of the film 'Heat' years and years ago and I remember not being very impressed. So I wasn't going out of my way to see this knowing that it was simply a french version of the same film. I think I was keen to see it more than anything because of seeing Auteuil in 'Hidden' and loving that. However I found that the acting in this movie was amazing and Daniel Auteuil is fantastic in his role. Watching this film you realise how corrupt the police can actually be especially when people who you work with and who are supposed to be there for you can end up being your worst enemies. This is the situation that Auteuil and Depardieu come to in this film. This film is also based on a true story and named 36 because the person this is dedicated to died on the 36th hour of his job. That makes it all the more poignant, and while there are some pretty gruesome scenes (including one involving a naked man which I won't go in to) I feel that unlike American films, the violence is needed here, and is not over glamourised just for the sake of an explosion. Police work is dangerous and violent and that is no lie, and so what better way to show it than in reality. I think really that although this film is based upon police going after certain people who are in gangs etc that really the premise is how two-faced the force can actually be. I was more interested in the relationship between Auteuil and Depardieu than in the men they happened to be looking for throughout the film. I recommend this film highly to anyone who wants an inside look at life and relationships in the police force, added to which you get to see some beautiful scenes of France which makes it just that bit better.

Rise: Blood Hunter - 2007 * *

Seduce. Trap. Tease.

Although this film was supposed to be scary and serious throughout I couldn't stop laughing at some of the things that happened. Lucy Liu is a pretty good actress and I was surprised to see her in something like this. I didn't know from the on-set that the film would be soft-pornesque with women sucking on other women's necks and ripping their clothes off to reveal stockings and suspenders. For this reason alone I'm sure this film will be very popular with male viewers but I didn't really understand or get the story and it was a bit of a bore to me. Lucy Liu did a great job of making me laugh though, especially when she's screaming and being hung upsidedown on a meat-hook about to be 'drunk.' I only realised near the end that she actually keeps coming back to life as a vampire, despite the fact that the 'v' word is never mentioned throughout the film. Hardly a great basis for a vampire film.

500 (Days of Summer) - 2009 * * * * 1/2

This is not a love story. This is a story about love.

I went into this film barely knowing what to expect and came out really happy that I had seen something that wasn't a 'typical' hollywood rom-com. I don't think I would even call this movie a comedy. It's very dark in places and depicts a real life relationship very well. The story is told as a serious of flashbacks and scenes where we start at the end of the 500 days and work backwards, sometimes stopping to go forwards. We meet Tom, an intelligent yet shy man who falls head over heels in love with a new member of staff named Summer at his work and proceeds to go out of his way to try to win her over. The only problem is that Summer is not interested in a serious relationship and is not prepared to change her views now, she even makes the point that she doesn't believe in love much to Tom's bewilderment, but this doesn't change his feelings for her. Through the course of the film we see the ups, the downs and the cracks that begin to appear as Summer and Tom start to realise what they both want from the relationship. And it's not the same thing.

Brilliantly acted and so refreshing to see a 'real' relationship on screen. Recommended.

Away Days - 2009 *

Run With the pack.

Yes I did see similarities to 'This is England' like it mentions on the front cover, but except for that this film was dead in the water. Seriously it was so badly done it made me laugh. Trying to rip off 'Green Street' and 'Rise of the Footsoldier' wasn't the cleverest idea, and the characters were so unlikeable and so arrogant that I started to think, 'why should anyone care if your getting beaten up or losing pints of blood in the process, this is all your choice!' Added to which the accents were so bad I couldn't understand half of what they were saying.

Pointless and boring, with violence that was just stuck in there for a laugh, I have nothing credible to say about this film.

When Harry Met Sally - 1989 * * *

Can two friends who sleep together still love each other in the morning?

People always rave about the Meg Ryan 'trilogy' of romantic comedy movies - You've got mail, Sleepless in Seattle and this one, When Harry Met Sally. I'm now 2/3s through as I only have Sleepless left to see. This film actually surprised me a bit. It wasn't brilliantly acted but it was pretty funny nevertheless and Ryan and Crystal seem to bounce off each other with regards to quick witted comedy. The now infamous 'orgasm scene' was actually really funny even though I was waiting with clenched teeth for it to appear.

I guess this is the type of film that both men and women can enjoy although the whole 'can men and women be friends' debate actaully gets a bit tiring after a while.

Worth a watch but maybe no more than one.

Dead Mary - 2007 *

They were dying to meet her.

Ok, first off, why haven't I learned my lesson now? I watch awful horror film after awful horror film and still think I'll find a good, well acted scary one. I should except that this will never be. Horror is not the same anymore, and with the exception to Asian/Japanese Tartan Asia Extreme films, the same type of movie is being churned out in America and Canada constantly. I've seen so many horror films that I did end up guessing parts of this film, that was when I wasn't half asleep pinning my eyes open with matchsticks. The acting was dire, (who the hell is this Dominique Swain and why is everyone going on and on about her in their reviews, it certainly can't be for her acting ability) and the story was a pointless rip-off of films like 'Candyman' whilst the Bloody Mary story is overrated now. I heard rumours that the director wanted to call the film 'Bloody Mary' but was beaten in the race by another movie just being released, and so he thought of the name Dead Mary 'because most of the time you don't see the force, just the reactions of people who sense it' or some gibberish like that. Having a film with almost exactly the same story coming out at exactly the same time as this one must have said something to the director surely? That maybe we don't need two films about the same thing? But oh no, this was obviously going to be fantastic because he'd changed the name and if the story lagged a bit in the middle then we could enjoy close-ups of women's breasts and legs and thighs (when will director's learn that they aren't only trying to appeal to the male audience; if they want women to watch as well then stop with the soft-core women running around in bikinis or skimpy clothes while the cameraman has the best day of his life filming them from the chest down.)

All in all, bad story, stupid people and too much clevage for my liking (none would have been my preference and if any males think I'm trying to spoil their movie viewing pleasure, we'll see how they like it if a director stuck a load of half or fully naked men in the film, running around like idiots when there is no basis for this anywhere in the story.

Dans Ma Peau - 2002 * * * *

It will get under your skin.

I sort of compared this movie to AntiChrist (2009) because of the descent into madness by one woman whilst the male in her life tries to help her overcome it. Unlike AntiChrist however, the acting was far from good, although having Directed, Produced and acted in the same film could probably take it's toll on anyone. The story matter is pretty gruesome, about a young woman who, after falling on some machinery at a party ends up starting to cut herself more and more until she is actually removing pieces of her flesh in the process. You watch as she slowly goes mad, even going as far as to start stabbing her arm with her fork held under the table whilst at a work dinner. From the way she acts you can never tell whether she actually seems to be enjoying hurting herself or whether she is doing it because of a compelling need that she cannot shake. I can see why this movie has slipped into the horror genre and I must say it is the one film (except AntiChrist) that I have seen that actually left me feeling physically sick. The premise is so real, and the scenes are incredibly graphic, and that scares me more than a ghost or slasher movie, for many people actually act like this when they are going mad, and self harm is unfortunately not an uncommon thing. Fair enough it is questionable that someone would actually start eating their arm in the process, but it really makes you wonder how far someone would be prepared to go if they really are having some kind of breakdown. Although gruesome, I can see the initial message that Marina De Van is trying to put across, that we should be more aware of mental illness, and so on that score I think this film works. It certainly shocks you so much that anyone watching it would go to any lengths other than act the way she does. Although it really disturbed me whilst watching it (and after 2 viewings there is no way I can stomach a third) I think it achieved what it set out to do, and therefore it does deserve some kind of aclaim.

Little Fish - 2005 * *

The Past is right here.

Cate Blanchett can act, there is no doubt about that, but when she is stuck with an awful script like this depicting ex drug addicts hooking up with their ex partners who are still on the drugs you realise she won't be getting very far. This is a film shot with an independent feel, and sadly, although we have a cast of a few good actors we still can't get anything out of the story. It's not the gritty realism that I dislike, it's the utter hopelessness of it all that I can't stand. Maybe I am being unfair, and should be rating this movie higher because it's more realistic than many I have seen. However I feel that the direction and script feels so rigid that there is no way the story could ever work, howeverbleak and raw it appears to be on the surface.

The Gold Rush - 1925 * * *

The Little Tramp does good.

I've never seen Chaplin in a feature length movie and didn't think I'd be able to stand watching him for a full hour and a half. I mean he's funny but not that funny. The story is very funny which helped to keep my attention but I still found myself drifting off and thinking of other things. Chaplin can be hilarious, he really can, and several scenes found myself in hysterics, but after a while his 'feel sorry for myself' routine wears a bit thin. Keaton is funny throughout his movies but Chaplin isn't. I'm not saying the film wasn't good, only that if we were treated to half the length of it I may have rated it more, because by the time it got to the end I was bored and didn't actually care what happened to him! I will check out 'Modern Times' though to see if I feel the same way at the end of that.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - 2005 * * * * *

Sex, murder, mystery - Welcome to the party.

There is little I can say about this film except 'wow.' I think I have found my new favourite actor in Robert Downey Jnr, and this will now probably be one of my new favourite films. The minute I'd finished it I sat back and watched the whole thing again, laughing with the same guffaw as I had the last time. I doubt very much that this film will grow old or unwatchable as I find something different to enjoy and appreciate each time I see it (I've seen it 5 times since ). One of the reasons I am so pleased with this film is that actually it bases itself comically to the exact situations that you tend to find yourself seeing in regular murder mystery 'Hollywoodised' films. It knows it's prodding it's finger comically and wants you to do the same. It knows exactly what parts of Hollywood films you dislike and it encludes them, but only to make sure you laugh at the irony of the whole thing. Downey narrates for entirety of the movie and even at the end he speaks to the camera to engage with the audience. His quick wit, improvisation and remarkably clever screwball comedic mind (which could match the likes of Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn)is showcased to the best of its ability. His timing is genius, and watching him and Val Kilmer together (who I think was also full of laughs as 'Gay Perry') is a mighty enjoyable experience.
The other reason that I am so pleased I like this movie, (no actually, I love this movie) is that I thought it would be a guaranteed flop. I bought it, realising with dread that I'd never want to see it and hid it away immediatly, almost giving it away for free so that I would never have to see it. It makes me almost hysterical with joy to find out that a film I have prepared myself to despise is actually one of the funniest films I have ever seen (and I've seen a l0t of films) and has introduced me to a new actor and all his work which I look forward to collecting. Any film that has the balls to criticise the whole Hollywood 'franchise' of broken dreams and empty wallets whilst producing a film based on those exact things is going to score highly in my book.
Absolutely hilarious.

Ong Bak - 2003 * * * * *

'There are times for fight but by the same measure, there are times for flight.'

I'll be honest, I'd never been particularly bothered about watching this film. I'd bought it, and stuck it at the back of my DVD shelf, promptly forgetting about it. I took it out last night and decided to watch it.
I have never seen such fantastic and powerful martial arts in my life. Tony Jaa does all his own stunts, none of that pathetic 'give me a stunt double to film a scene crossing the road' stuff that American actors seem to do these days. There were no special effects either. Nothing except this man and his incredible body. This man can bend himself and move himself in ways that are almost unbelievable to watch. One memorable scene that sticks out in my mind features Jaa being chased through the streets by a gang of thugs. With effortless ease he runs over cars, under lorries and throws himself through a mound of barbed wire, the gap inside only measuring about the same size as a car tire. Watching him actually makes you believe he is on drugs, or at least some heavy steroids that enable him to use his body with such vigour and fearlessness. Fair enough, I'm sure any martial arts film fan would tell you that this story isn't up to much, but it really doesn't matter when you see this man perform his craft. It makes Hollywood actors look pathetic.

Gothika - 2004 * * *

Because someone is dead doesn't mean that they are gone.

Gothika is a puzzling film. And I understand that it did badly at the box office. For good reason in my opinion. Although this had the makings of a good ghostly horror film, there were far too many gaps and plot-holes that were never answered. I don't mind films where nothing is what it seems and then at the end you realise what actually happened, but I have to draw the line and films where you haven't really got a clue what is going on, and then it is suddenly the end and you feel like you've missed a big chunk of the film because nothing was really ever explained to you. Halle Berry is very good in her part, and I found her mental state to be a very realistic portrayal of how you would imagine a person like that to behave. Unfortunately so much of this film just didn't add up that I cannot rate it highly. The ending was ridiculous and I know from other reviewers that they were all left feeling slightly cheated as well. Robert Downey Jr's character was terribly unlikeable which was a shame, seeing as how I'd loved his character in 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.'

Three stars are given for the acting ability, not the story.

Half Light - 2006 * *

Fear waits in the Half Light.

I really couldn't find anything credible in this film. Demi Moore is really an appalling actor, with perhaps the exception of one of my favourite movies 'Indecent Proposal'. The reality of a mother loosing her son in an accident and then rushing off to an island where she starts up a relationship with a random man doesn't seem highly likely to me. She leaves her home and her life with her husband to go and try writing on this island, telling him only that 'they can think about divorce when she comes back.' How irritating would that be if someone said that to you.

If a couple loses a child it is not just the mother who suffers. I found Moore's character immensly unlikeable and really felt the bare minimun of sympathy towards her as the film progressed.

The element of horror or thriller or whatever there was supposed to be was lukewarm at best, the ending came at you like a smack in the face- and a confusing and unneeded one at that. This film would have been better if it had been marketed as a drama about a mother's grief over a lost son instead of trying to stick in scary moments and ghostly images/goings on whenever there was a lull in concentration.

The Jackhammer Massacre - 2004 * * *

Self destruction is only the beginning.

With a name like 'Jackhammer Massacre' you can really only expect bad things from this movie. Shoddy camera work and over-the-top acting by people who are probably getting about 50 pence a day for their efforts. But I'm fairly open with movies and was happy to give it a go, even thinking it might be so bad that it would make me laugh.

The first thing I thought of after seeing the film was how little massacring actually occured. The story actually seemed to centre around a drug addict whose need for heroin causes him to go on a 'rampage' (he kills several people who do nothing but stand there and watch him as he sticks the machine in their gut). Fair enough it's not your usual massacre movie. The bloke does actually have a reason to go crazy, even though it's not exactly a good excuse. Some of the most disgusting scenes don't involve murder, but actually involve him injecting his already infected arm with more drugs and pouring bleach on his scars. Those scenes made me feel physically ill so I assume the desired efffect to put people off drug-taking worked. There were funny parts to the movie that I had already expected-people never seem to run fast enough in these films, added to which you can always tell when the movie has been shot by a man as we get long and extended views of women's breasts/bums. For a cheapy done film however this wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected and I had no problem watching it right through to the end; for once a murder film is made with an actual message.

11:14 - 2003 * * * * 1/2

Fate can change in seconds.

The most peculiar thing happened to me the other day. I saw an advert for this unknown movie before another film I watched and I became desperate to see it. The day afterwards, browsing my local DVD shop I found the exact same film. Most bizarre.

Anyway, all I can do is echo Amazon reviews who ask how this film went undetected upon it's release and was not even released at the cinema! It is most odd how many gastly films come out at the pictures to worldwide release, when many of them are dire, and all the time films like this pass us by. I have probably missed many brilliant films because of this.

The start of the film didn't really blow me away, in fact I was thinking to myself that it had been a waste of time to put it on. Then it got interesting, and I mean really interesting, and I realised I had to watch it right through to the end. The film jumps backwards and forwards in time whilst re-telling the story of one night when a drunk driver hits a girl and leaves her for dead. We then go backwards to the events that happened beforehand, and find out that all the characters we assume we are seeing for the first time, have all been connected in some way to lead them up to this event and how if it wasn't for small individual mistakes that they each make,which at the time don't seem very important, then the whole situation would never have happened. I know my garbled explanation doesn't sound like much but I have not seen such a clever or better made film in a long time. There are elements of humour as well that I think are the director's way of poking fun at certain aspects of the film, such as having sex in a graveyard, and Hilary's Swank's hilariously goofy portrayal of a gas station assistant, who tries to make her friend shoot her in the arm so that she can stage a robbery. Rachel-Leigh Cook is suitably slutty in her role and successfully manages to juggle three men all at once hoping to make money out of them.

I always know when I have seen a great film by two things - sitting there afterwards going 'wow', over and over again, and constantly thinking about the movie for days to come. I did both with this one. Not to be missed.

Taxi - 1998 * * *

Formula 1 has hit the city.

My fiance recommended this movie to me and I must say it was a pretty enjoyable experience. It was very short and that certainly helped you not feel like it was dragging like some movies do. I didn't honestly really understand the story, but I thought the race scenes were fantastic. In short, the movie was basically a french Fast and Furious. I notice it was directed by Luc Besson who did La Femme Nikita which is on my list of 'to see' films, but I'm not quite sure if it really pushed me towards watching it or put me off.

A Royal Scandal - 1945 * *

Saucy and naughty

I am a wide collector and obsessor of old movies, and will be quick to jump in and defend them when anyone puts them down. This film however was dated. It hasn't aged well, and the jokes seem pointless and very unfunny now. I rarely feel this way about an old movie, and like the fact that the film is old, but there is a difference in watching a film that has been able to carry itself and it's story well through the years, and one that feels almost stuck in a time warp. That is what I felt with this one. Tallulah Bankhead was unforgettable however and I think that if she hadn't been in it this movie would have fallen flat on it's face. She has an amazing screen presence and I don't think anyone has ever been able to match her.

I wouldn't recommend this, it's neither funny enough, nor strong enough to contend as a good film.

Karla - 2006 * * * 1/2

Evil has a beautiful face.



I have a very morbid streak in that I'm interested in all types of murders. I have always been amazed at the pure evil and depravity of the 'Ken and Barbie Killers' - Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. There was speculation as there always is in killing partnerships that one killer influenced the other into commiting the crimes. By now we know that Karla was a willing participent in the murder of her sister, believing that if she did so she would gain Paul's eternal love. In fact she was willing to do anything to win his approval, even if it meant watching him rape girls in front of her and then murder them. Karla may not have commited as many murders as Paul, but she still had the ability to, and she was no less of a monster than he was. Letting someone kill somebody else is almost as bad as commiting the crime.
I really thought this movie was brilliantly acted, but there were parts that weren't truthful. Karla is portrayed in this film as a weak and pathetic excuse for a woman who clung on desperately to Paul regardless of how many times he insulted her or battered her. In reality Karla was a manipulative and vile woman who stood by and joined in while her husband performed vile acts on women - evn after being released she never once apologised to the parents of the victims. This movie did not stick to the real story but was still very captivating.

The Changeling - 1980 * * * *

An experience beyond fear.

I'd put off watching this movie for a long time. I've seen pretty much all the films that are known as 'really haunting' expect for The Innocents and didn't want the experience of seeing this to be over too quickly. However after watching it I was thinking about it or days afterwards and can honestly say that it frightened the daylights out of me. George C. Scott was brilliant in his role as the sad and lonely composer who moves into a large, old house after a fatal accident involving his wife and child. Soon he realises that he is not alone in the house and that something will not let him rest until it has made itself known.

I specifically waited until Christmas time to watch this to give myself an extra thrill and was shivering with nerves by the end.

Contrary to popular beliefs there are some similarities with the recent 'Changeling' (2008) although that is based on a true story.

I'm relieved I've watched this now and do think it is one of the scarier movies that I have seen in recent times. I'd recommend this to anyone who wants to be scared and appreciates a film with no violence (except malevolent spirits) and sex.

The Dreamers - 2003 * * * *

All dreamers must eventually wake.

I put off reviewing this movie for quite some time because I honestly don't know what to say about it and I still find I am slightly lost for words. The acting is superb but the story is just like nothing I have ever seen before in my life. The film revolves around an American student who comes to study in Paris at the end of the 60s and strikes up a friendship between a brother and sister who live in a gorgeously overwelming yet empty house which is left free for them all to use after the parents of the siblings leave for a long 'trip.' They spend their days quoting movies, dressing up as their favourite characters and drinking wine (sounds divine). However dreaming is shortlived and along with awakening there comes reality. The American finds himself in a surreal menage-a-trois which hints at incest, which try as he might, he cannot tear himself away from.

There is some strong and graphic nudity here, some moments are too embarassing to watch but there is something totally compelling and addictive about this film. Whether it be the decade, the location or the soundtrack I don't know, but for one thing you will find it hard to tear your eyes away from the screen. Do not be put off by the mention of the word incest, for it is handled tastefully and surprisingly beautifully if that is at all possible).

For added fun try to guess the titles of the movies they quote before they answer, I got nearly every one.

Arachnophobia - 1990 * *

Eight legs, two fangs and an attitude.

My god this was a cheesy movie. I can't work out whether it was intentionally so or whether the actors just didn't know what they were meant to be doing. I watched it initially to try and face my fear of spiders head on, but actually this really did nothing for me one way or another. There were some parts where I had to check under various cushions nearby in case there was a lone eight legged freak but actually for most of the story I was smiling. If the film was meant to be taken seriously by anybody then it didn't do what it was required to do and to be honest I found the story pretty boring. There was nothing to gage my attention for long enough. A sure miss.

2012: Supernova - * *

The only thing that should have exploded was every actor on the set.

I found it very hard to review this movie. For one thing my partner and I sat down to watch it and after over an hour were starting to wonder why Woody Harrelson and team hadn't made an appearance. With horror we realised as the credits started to loom that we had been watching this movie instead of simply 2012. The Asylum company has produced nearly 200 rip-off movies of bad quality and awful acting and this was one of them. Nothing seems to happen in this movie. That bloke who was in Buffy runs around trying to save people and planets while his wife and daughter run around in the middle of the road trying not to get hit by flying cars and pieces of metal. There are a few people who you think are on his side and turn out evil but apparently that's just typical save-the world style movie-making. None of the actors look like they are particularly interested in what is going on and the lead character has a tendancy to run out from his hiding place without checking if the coast is clear when he hears familiar voices. Of course in the real world he would have been shot before he could open his mouth but yet again if you're in a movie about saving the world anything goes. Also the ending....What happened there? I'm not going to 'spoil' it (if thats even the right word) but you think to yourself ' how on earth could this possibly happen when we were so sure the other thing would happen, and in fact there is no way that the thing that happened could actually have happened in the realms of normality.' Obviously the director of the film totally lost the will to care about whether the scenes made any sense and I don't blame him, for while I was surprised at the ending I really didn't care two hoots about any of the characters and wished they'd all died at the beginning. This fake rip-off of 2012 hasn't put me off watching my original choice however which I am sure will be a lot better and have some proper acting to boot.

Coraline - 2009 * * * *

Some doors should never be opened.

Coraline is a movie that has been talked about a lot this year. It has been compared to Pixar films and also has been questioned as whether it is appropriate for children although it was released as a children's film. After watching it I think that maybe it is only appropriate for children over a certain age, i.e. 13. It is a bit like Harry Potter, for that was supposedly appropriate for children when in fact some scenes were far too frightening for it to be less than a 15. Coraline can be seen on two levels, one level that it is an amazing animated movie with some scary parts about a girl that discovers another world and the 2nd level that it relates to a young girl who finds it hard to cope with her annoying parents who don't seem to appreciate her and seeks solace in another world where her parents pay her more attention. Whatever way you want to view this movie it's very enjoyable and very well done. Dakota Fanning lends her voice to Coraline and a special highlight comes from Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French who play the 2 eccentric actresses that live below. The film has some dark elements to it and some parts actually freaked me out a bit, but all in all I just enjoyed it and went along with the ride. Maybe one that I would watch again but it would not be a regular that I would constantly take off my shelf like the Pixar's.