Labor Pains - 2009 ***

Mildly amusing comedy about a young woman named Thea who fakes a pregnancy to stop herself from getting fired from her horrible boss.
Lindsay Lohan isn't a bad actress (it is after all what she became famous for years ago) and walking around pretending you are pregnant for the whole film isn't the easiest thing to do.
As time goes by, Thea gets caught up in the lie of being pregnant, and even starts to have feelings for a co-worker who takes pity on her when she splits up with her 'fiance'.
It's not going to win any awards, but it's still quite funny, and worth a watch.

(HORROR) Neighbor - 2009 *

 What is this film? What is the point of it? A woman moves into a house in a nice neighborhood and proceeds to go about murdering people who get in her way. People seem to be rating this highly, but why I have no idea. 

Please don't waste your time.

Rage - 2009 **

The only highlight from 'Rage' is Jude Law sporting a dress, a wig and a bizarre Russian accent.
'Rage' is simply scene after scene of characters involved in the fashion industry talking to an unknown interviewer who is filming them on his phone.
It starts off well, and it's a unique idea for a film, but after half an hour or so it just becomes a drag. Most of the actors are well known and it's a shame that they don't have much of a platform to really act on. I had gone to watch this primarily for Lily Cole but found she could barely do anything with what she had.

Fired Up - 2009 ***

I found this pretty funny to be honest. I've come to realise that american comedy usually goes out its way to objectify women and we have to contend with shot after shot of breasts, arses and fake tan. Instead of moaning about it I may as well just try and grasp what humour there is in the selected film.
This movie is very like that, except most of the shots are cheerleader related as two stupid but loveable jocks find themselves in the centre of a cheerleading squad. It was good.

(HORROR) Open Graves - 2009 *

A sort of poor version of 'Final Destination' where each main character is doomed and cannot cheat death that comes in the form of a dragonfly.
In Spain a group of friends stumble upon an eerie board game of Mambo, which curses all who play it. None of them believe it however, and of course horrific things start happening. Pretty poor offering really, even with the beautiful Eliza Dushku.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - 2009 ***

However funny the film itself is, Kevin James is just a based presence in a comedy. Blart is useless at everything except being a security guard, and even that doesn't go very well. When the mall comes under attack from a siege, it's up to Blart to save the day, and the new woman in his life.
Could have been funnier if we weren't stuck with Kevin James and his 'woe is me' personality which he plays identically in every film.

(HORROR) The Messengers 2: The Scarecrow 2009 *

 

 

I was genuinely loved the first film. It was SCARY. It had a good plot, and made me not want to go to sleep with the lights off. This sequel (disturbingly having gone 'straight to video') was diabolical. It's one of those films you will confuse with another manic scarecrow-ish monster in a similar film (Jeepers Creepers 2) and still find it awful.
There is no story, except that the main character is in danger of losing his home which conveniently happens to back onto a massive crop field. It then transpires somehow, that there is a hideous scarecrow intent on evil deeds who wants to kill him and his wife and children.
That appears to be most of the story.

The Other Woman aka Love and Other Impossible Pursuits - 2009 **

Bleak and hard going. Natalie Portman plays a woman trying to get over the death of her baby as well as juggling her marriage with her husband who left his last wife for her. Portman tries unsuccessfully to get on with her husband's son from his first marriage, all the time feeling inadequate for not having the child she so desperately wants.
Nothing happy or positive here so don't watch unless you have some sort of sedation for afterwards.

The Men Who Stare at Goats - 2009 **1/2

Oh er, what an odd film. Based on a true story? Really? Ewan McGregor plays a reporter who meets oddball George Clooney in a bar and finds out that he is claiming to be a former member of some sort of Illuminati New Earth Army who use paranormal powers to complete their missions whilst hoping to stop war full stop as well. He drops everything and goes along for the ride without having a clue what he is getting himself in to. So weird. I don't get it, and I didn't really like it either.

Youth in Revolt - 2009 ***

A strange film. I must say I do like Michael Cera, although it has become obvious that he portrays the exact same character in every single film. Here he is a quirky yet sensitive teen who goes to stay with his father and meets a girl he becomes infatuated with. He will do anything to stay with her, even of it means setting fire to a caravan or getting her expelled from a posh school. At the same time he has constant visits from his alter ego, a slimy chain smoker with a moustache who keeps pressuring him into doing al the things he really shouldn't.
Quite a good film I suppose.

Wuthering Heights - 2009 ***

I am a huge fan of the Laurence Olivier version of this story. Therefore any tv drama of this was going to be closely compared to it. I thought this was a sumptuous drama and incredibly well done. Tom Hardy is a very versatile actor and puts his all into the role of Heathcliff who falls desperately in love with wild and carefree Cathy (played by his wife to be Charlotte Reilly). Certain parts of this were changed and I was disappointed (yet again comparing it to the 1939s version) because one of the most potent parts of the story was switched around, leaving me feeling a bit hollow. *SPOILERS* When Cathy dies in the book, Heathcliff is by her side, but in this version he is loitering outside in the garden without knowing what is going on. And also, when Heathcliff dies in the earlier film, he does so because of ill health and a broken heart, here he goes crazy and shoots himself. I can't deny that the acting was very good but for continuity and screenplay I have to side with the 1930s film.

The Firm - 2009 ** 1/2

I've seen a few football hooligan films, and it never ceases to amaze me how anyone can justify this type of behaviour. I don't really understand the point of it or the film, except that it's been made to highlight the fact that there are men out there who's lives revolve around when they can next batter someone in with a baseball bat. The Firms are different teams (typically) and they all come together regularly to fight each other. You can tell one firm from the other by their clothes (the lead character of the film has a ridiculous haircut and an even worse dress sense) and the main firm favour FILA, whilst other firms favour adidas or Kappa.
It's just violence for the sake of violence, and I thought it was pointless.

Brothers - 2009 ***

I'm not sure what I thought of this film. It wasn't a particularly original plot ('Pearl Harbor' has to some extent been there and done that) but it was performed quite well with a knockout performance from Tobey Maguire.
Maguire plays a marine named Sam, who is presumed dead when his helicopter crashes over water. Sam's wife Grace (Portman) and his brother Tommy (Gyllenhaal) come together to support Grace and Sam's 2 young girls after hearing the awful news. You need to watch to see whether they actually become lovers or not, but when Sam is found, alive (albeit with hideous emotional scars) he immediately presumes the worst and becomes obsessed with the idea of his wife and brother.
I'm not sure how much of a good representation it is to someone who has been through the horror of war, although Maguire (in particular the kitchen scene) does astoundingly well in my opinion. You can literally see the pain etched into his face.
The other 2 are okay, and Portman makes a fair contribution as Sam's military wife/widow, but I think the 2 young daughters really stand out in their parts a little more than she or Gyllenhaal do.

FAQ About Time Travel - 2009 ***

Three friends sit in a pub dreaming about building a time machine and how they would use it. One of them visits the toilet and when he returns everything has changed drastically. From then on, the trio are kept apart, brought together, and introduced to new and bizarre characters.
It was quite funny, and quite a good idea for a film, but I can't say I was shrieking with laughter at every second. You'll most probably recognize all three main actors from other things as well.

Did you Hear About the Morgans? - 2009 ***

I was surprised by this film. Mainly because both the leads are annoying beyond belief normally and their acting leaves far too much to be desired. This wasn't a clever or intelligent film, but it was light, quite amusing and had a nice ending. The Morgans are separated, with both  trying to move on with their lives because of Hugh Grant's infidelity. The one time they decide to meet up for dinner to talk, they witness a murder, and are bundled into the Witness Protection Programme, meaning that they can have no contact with any family, friends or work colleagues. They are taken to a little town hundreds of miles away to stay with the sheriff and his wife in an attempt to ingratiate them into society there. It starts off quite a difficult task for 2 New York obsessives who are normally on the go constantly, but they do end up liking their new surroundings. The only thing is, can they get past their difficult feelings for each other?
I'll give Hugh Grant his dues, as he's pretty funny here,and maybe I will one day be able to say how excellent S-J P is as well...

(HORROR) Haunting at the Beacon - 2009 **

 Quite a thrilling film. A bit like 'The Others' and 'The Sixth Sense' mixed together but with a bit of '1408' added in for extra measure. Teri Polo and her husband are struggling to come to terms with the loss of their son Daniel who disappeared 3 years ago. They go to live at Beacon Apartments, where Polo starts to experience strange and startling ghostly apparitions of a little boy who appears to be crying out for help. I wasn't expecting the ending so I suppose that's one good thing about the film. Other than that, it's sort of typical of many others.

(HORROR) Coffin Rock - 2009 **

'Coffin Rock' looked to be one of those movies I would love. It had an adulterous sub-plot as well as the supposedly gripping outer shell. But it as a a big let down.
Lisa Chappell is desperate to get pregnant, but her husband is reluctant. So what is the quick solution to this? Well it's bumping into a young lad who already appears smitten with you in a local bar and going back to his for a quickie. Oh, and not wearing contraception. Apparently this is how society works these days. Then of course there is the awful situation where the husband believes it's his yadda yadda, and the guy you thought was just a one night stand turns obsessive and demands to be a part of your life. It's like a teenage, male version of 'Fatal Attraction', but not as gripping.

(HORROR) Exam - 2009 ****

This was a brilliantly constructed film. Completely original and the ending was so obvious yet totally unexpected at the same time. 8 Candidates applying for job are all taken to a room in a mysterious building and given papers. They are also given a certain amount of instructions that they must adhere to or else they will be disqualified from the exam. They have 80 minutes to answer a question. The only trouble is, none of them know what the question is, because it isn't written on the paper..
It's really very well done and has a compelling ending. A hidden gem.

(HORROR) Hurt - 2009 *

Dire badly made film about a family dealing with a bereavement who move in with the mother's brother in law. He turns all weird on them and the whole film is just a very boring and slow mess. I really haven't got anything to say about it. Dull.

(HORROR) Stitches - 2009 **

Oh Dear. This is such a low budget and badly done film that it doesn't even come up if you search for it on Google. That isn't a good sign. It's medical surgery gone crazy as a group of friends are cut apart one at a time by a psychotic doctor who thinks he is doing good by practising techniques and procedures on the unsuspecting bunch. Some of them are so annoying they deserve what happens to them but still there are some rather unsavoury moments, especially one involving silicon breast implants. Not a good film.