(HORROR) The Bell Witch Haunting - 2013 *

Can you take a film seriously if it's got a poster that looks like this? Why would anything based on true events look like a cartoon doll from
Probably not, and even less so if the story is so bad. Which it is. Disregarding certain discrepancies (it being February and people wandering about in their bikinis) the film does one of those styles of starting at the end, then jumping backwards and forwards like a tiddlywink.
It seems that the Bell Witch, America's most famous entity, is back slaughtering young and stupid teenagers. And the whole thing is being filmed as though we are sitting on a boat that's about to capsize. It's very badly made and very badly acted.

(HORROR) Mr Jones - 2013 **

Mr Jones is one of those films you would probably have to watch a number of times for it to make sense. But most people wouldn't want to watch it more than once, because it's a bloody nightmare (literally!).
A couple go to a cabin in the woods to work on a documentary and become embroiled in a strange battle with an mysterious figure, known only as Mr Jones. It turns into a massive acid trip in a strange alternate universe and I became less and less enamoured with it as time went by. Just a mess, and the result of a director thinking too much and trying too hard to be 'different' and 'clever'.

(HORROR) Road Train - 2010 *

A group of friends become involved in a car crash whilst camping in the outback. In going for help they are inadvertently put into more danger as they become overpowered by a strange force. There isn't much to say about this film. It's awful and whoever directed it should be shot.

(HORROR) Jug Face - 2013 ***

Obviously with a title like 'Jug Face' it's hard to take the film seriously, and actually it did make me snigger throughout for its ludicrously stupid storyline, but overall it's not too bad. The premise is bizarre - a young teenager Ada, is pregnant with her brother's baby and lives in a disturbing backwoods community, where the local celebrity is a man who carves faces out of jugs which symbolise the people who are to be routinely sacrificed into a large pit in exchange for the community's health and longevity. No one knows from day to day who will be the next to be sacrificed, and when Ada finds her face on the next jug, she becomes scared (understandably) and hides it. This leads to others being sacrificed in her place.
It's a novel idea for a horror film, and I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.
Strange overall.

The Mortal Storm - 1940 *****

'The Mortal Storm' is a powerful and utterly heart-breaking film about the destruction and pain people can cause others because of their small mindedness and routine precision with power and gain. James Stewart acts wonderfully as a German who refuses to go with the crowd and leave his small town where he has grown up and support the Nazis. He then falls in love with a beautiful Jew whose father, a professor at the local university does not agree with the current political situation and is eventually captured by the Germans. This leaves the couple in a horrendous situation - do they stay together and defy the odds or break apart to save themselves?
Beautifully shot and mesmerizingly painful to experience, Frank Borzage is a true master of his art and has painted a sumptuously powerful picture that needs to be seen.

Gone Missing - 2013 ****

 

 

Gone Missing is a good film. I do enjoy movies about missing people (how sadistic does that sound!) and this was a bit of a corker. Two girls go missing on their Spring Break, and their mothers both realise that their parenting skills are completely off the mark and that they don't know their daughters quite as well as they had hoped.

The acting from the girls is good, and although the mothers are both irritating they still don't come across too badly, expect being at separate ends of the spectrum - one is completely smothering and the other lets her daughter do whatever she wants.

Films like this need to be seen, because this sort of thing is happening still and girls are constantly going missing when they go on holiday together.

Dom Hemingway - 2013 *

 

 

'Raucously entertaining'?! Where are these reviewers from?! Dom Hemingway is appallingly bad. Jude Law's character is not the sort of person you want to see coming at you down the street. And the whole film consists of him either swearing, kicking, fighting, punching, killing or disrespecting anyone who gets in his way. Law's characterisation of an ex-convict sent down for something he didn't do and hell-bent on revenge probably suits him quite well, but he's still extremely unlikeable and makes everyone who is watching wince whenever he appears.

Shame that Richard E. Grant was in this too, because I admire him a lot as an actor, and feel that this was a big dip in his career.

When a film is this unpleasant and can only be told by swearing and violence you know it's not a good film.

 

 

Scalene - 2011 ***

I had really not been expecting much from this film, but was really amazed at how clever it was and how much I enjoyed it. The very first scene shows a woman appearing manically at a woman's door with a gun and trying to break in. This looks crazy and makes the whole movie seem like it's going to be very bad indeed. But it's not, so stick with it.
It's similar to 'Rashomon' in that it's one story told from 3 points of view, involving a brain damaged boy who is possibly being abused by his mother, a rape committed by the boy and murder.
I finished watching it and had to sit and take in what I had seen for a time afterwards. That doesn't always happen. Clever and twisted in equal amounts, although the acting is probably the weakest point.

(HORROR) Roadside Massacre - 2012 *

Ranking as one of the very worst horror movies I have seen. In the last week. (Because let's face it, I see dire horror movies every week) A group of five friends take a detour on the way to their spring break destination, and on the way get sucked into the cannibalistic goings on that occur at the local BBQ joint. Hilarious scenes of eating other people in BBQ form, hysterical sex scenes in barns and terrifying eyebrows are just some of the delights that you will encounter. It's a yawnfest, and the characters are so stupid that it beggars belief that they can function at all, let alone drive a car.

House of Sand and Fog - 2003 ***

Sad and mournful tale of an evicted woman who begins a battle with the new owners of her house after she can no longer afford to keep up the payments and it is repossessed. Kingsley is riveting as Behrani, the stern and liberal Air Force Officer who believes that the new house will be the key to his family's happiness once and for all, and Connelly isn't bad either as Kathy, the recovering alcoholic who feels she has finally lost the fight with her various demons when she is kicked out of her family home, adding the last blow to her already tortured being. It's very sad and touching, as well as being quite gut-wrenching and upsetting.

Body Language - 1992 ****

Obsessed woman becomes dangerous when she tries to take over her boss's life, as well as her boyfriend. It's been likened to 'Single White Female' although I would say that's at a push, because it's no way near as creepy as that.
Betsy is in a job she loves, but it's also a job that has a huge responsibility and takes up a lot of her spare time, much to the annoyance of her partner. Norma is her assistant, wide-eyed and eager to help her with anything she needs, which turns out to be spying on her boyfriend, cancelling Betsy's dates with him, and generally making life awkward so that he eventually leaves her. She then swoops in on him, masquerading as a stood up woman also named Betsy, and he falls for her, at first...
Not a bad movie. Worth a view.

(HORROR) The Dyatlov Pass Incident - 2013 **

For anyone actually interested in finding out about the real Dyatlov incident it's pointless to bother with this film. It doesn't explain anything, except *spoiler* that people disappear into a disjointed wormhole where past and present are mixed up in the most ludicrous, deranged fashion (like an drug addled episode of Dr Who). Also, I noticed that one of the actresses from Hollyoaks graced the film with her presence, so obviously her career has gone down the toilet to say the least. She says many memorable things throughout the film, such as how cold it is and how she doesn't want to be there because it's cold, as well as it being hard to film because... it's cold. How she ever got a part in anything is beyond me.
The acting was horrendous and utterly weird. A no-no.

Straw Dogs - 2011 ***

I was in mixed minds about watching this, given how poor I found the original film. I was surprised actually how much more I enjoyed it and how much clearer the story seemed. Amy (Kate Bosworth) brings her new husband David (a geeky James Marsden) home to her old town to live on her deseased father's house, and before long Amy's ex-boyfriend Charlie is becoming overly protective of Amy being back, to the extent of getting his friends to taunt David and terrorise him on a regular basis whilst also being lewd and perverted to Amy. This escalates to a terrifying conclusion. There is an intense psychological build-up in this film which I don't recall happening in the original. I quite liked it. 

(HORROR) Scorned - 2013 ***

I must admit I do enjoy films about psychotic women paying back their cheating spouses in a variety of terrifying and horrendous ways. I think it makes an exciting film.
Here we have no exception. Except the cheating spouse is a very bald Billy Zane and his scorned lover is a totally unhinged maniac.
After finding out that her boyfriend of 6 months (it's hardly a long term thing!) has done the dirty on her with her best friend (strange how often that happens), Sadie lures her friend to the holiday house she and Zane are staying that, and proceeds to torture them both, in various ways that will make you wince.
The story isn't original in any way and doesn't really have much of a point to it, but the acting from McCord is superb (she was also excellent in the disturbing "Excision" which was equally disturbing.

(NOIR) Fog Island - 1945 ***

A poorly done "B'' movie about a group of people invited to an old man's house at Fog Island. He invites them there under the pretext that they will be given some of his inheritance but he actually wants to uncover which of them murdered his dead wife. I was surprised but happy to see Jerome Cowan of the 'Fred and Ginger' films taking a moderate sized part here, but the quality of the film was so dire that a lot of the time it was hard to differentiate who was who.

(NOIR) A Woman's Secret - 1949 ***

Susan (Gloria Grahame) lies on the floor shot. Marian (Maureen O'Hara) is found leaning over her with a gun. But is the story as black and white as it seems (did you see what i did there with the black and white...?)
Actually it's not. We discover that Susan is the young protegee of Marian, a popular singer who loses her voice and is desperate to find a replacement. It's a tiny bit like 'All About Eve' but with singing instead of acting. Luke (Melvyn Douglas) is her piano player, and to be honest he's my favourite character (and actor) in the film. He has enough gusto to keep it going, without stepping on the two lead actresses toes. When Susan becomes popular herself, (and appears to catch the eye of Luke, this makes Marian rather jealous. She wants a replacement, but not at the cost of her relationship or career. O'Hara isn't a bad actress, but I've never been particularly into her work, and although Gloria Grahame is the typical femme fatale in noir, she didn't appear to be at her best either.
Worth a watch though, although as one critic remarked - 'There's too much unintended mystery about A Woman's Secret for it to be anything but spotty entertainment'. Sadly I think that might be right.

(NOIR) The Big Bluff - 1955 ***

For a 'typical film noir' The Big Bluff  is quite good. Produced by Billy Wilder's overlooked (and much less talented) brother W. Lee Wilder might've given it a bit of credit. Alas it did not. And acting-wise it was rather shoddy, which spoilt it tremendously.
After a chance meeting and quick marriage, a wealthy fortune hunter hopes to cash in on his terminally ill wife's inheritance, but when he discovers that the 'last holiday' they are taking together is actually improving her health considerably, he and his lover have to resort to other startling tactics to get the money.
I like how the idea of 'The Big Bluff' is actually the bluff of the marriage and the relationship which the would-be killer has to keep up the pretence of for a lot longer that originally hoped.
Apart from that however, it's predictable and not very strong.

(HORROR) The Last Exorcism Part II - 2013 **

After the pandemonium of the first 'Exorcism' film, this second one follows Nell in the years after her exorcism. Believing that is cured from her past experiences, she takes a job as a chambermaid in a hotel and lives in a girl's home. However, it is not long before she starts experiencing strange things, and a close relationship with a co-worker at the hotel that appears to be going well ends in tragedy.
I didn't enjoy this as much as the first film, and couldn't quite come to grips with Nell as a normal girl in a normal environment.

Antiviral - 2012 ***

Imagine if you were so obsessed with a celebrity that you chose to have a virus that they are suffering from have injected into your body. This film is about just that. A clinic which uses viruses from sick celebrities to inject into crazed fans who are hoping to 'become connected' to their idols. It is of course, quite likely that you will die if the virus is bad enough. The injections and treatments are all performed in a very controlled and serious way, almost as if the idea is normal. This is what makes the film so terrifying. There are also 'butcher' shops that fans can go to to buy meat that is grown from the cells of celebrities. The whole film is really twisted. To be honest, it reminds me a bit of 'Delicatessen' and I will probably think about it for days.
Although the film is meant to shock because of it's plot, I suspect that maybe the director was trying to get across the vast obsession we as as population have with famous people, and how being besotted with these individuals can sometimes damage our health and put our lives at stake.
Quirky and dark, morbidly terrifying and original.

Bird on a Wire - 1990 ***

Mel Gibson's ponytail is ridiculous. I thought he was supposed to be a 90s pinup!
When Rick is given a new identity by the FBI witness protection programme, he happens to bump into his ex girlfriend Marianne. She demands that she go on the run with him after finding out that Rick is still in danger from drug addicts about to be released from jail. Some funny moments, and not a bad film, but wasn't anything special.