(HORROR) Demons Never Die - 2011 *

Firstly, what is Tulisa doing in a film? She has as much talent as a table leg. The poster is misleading, making out that she has a bigger part than she does. I don't think it will upset too many people when I say (*spoiler*) that she is the first to die horribly.
When her death is announced at school, a group of students, all intent on committing suicide, decide they have to act quickly so that they can also 'go out all guns blazing' so to speak. The whole story is like some nightmarish "Kidulthood" where teens spend days either being bumped off by a deranged psycho in a Darth Vader style mask or wandering around planning whether they want to jump off a building or not. Then there is the added 'love story' that takes shape between two of the weirdest students. The girl proclaiming proudly that at 17 she is still a virgin and likes being one, before yanking the guy up from his seat and dragging him home to have a long drawn out and frankly embarrassing sex scene.
Much more hilariously bad acting follows, including a hideous game of twister where all the drunk teens roll around on top of each other  whilst downing huge bottles of vodka. Accompany this with the wonderful music from, you guessed it, Tulisa, screeching her heart out and you have this film.

(HORROR) The Dinner Party - 2005 **

This looks amazing. Like the type of horror film you really want to see. Something utterly bizarre but horrifically simple as well. (Don't be fooled by the DVD cover because it's nothing like that). A group of friends all gather together for a meal. The host Angela is mentally unstable and adamant that tonight she will be ending her life. She also believes that her boyfriend (who is about to leave her for someone else) is equally keen to die. She thinks that she can have a farewell dinner with all  her favourite people and decides to let drop the reason for the party as she invites everyone.
For one, this is an absurd idea, as who in their right mind would want to sit back and watch either a double suicide or a suicide/murder pact take place in front of their chicken chow mein?
Secondly, Angela's best friend Maddie, seems totally oblivious to the fact that her pal may be dead by the morning, and rushes out eagerly to buy some more heroin for her so that 'she will have enough for the both of them.'
Arthouse cinema is correct, but classy it is not. It's unique, but that's as far as it goes, and the whole thing sort of melts into a bit of a despicable mess after about 1 hour.

(HORROR) The Theatre Bizarre - 2011 ***

This was ironically one of those films which feels like a nightmare on continuous loop. The film is split up into 6 segments that are told by a terrifying puppet to a young girl who stumbles into what looks like an old and abandoned theatre.
I would say 3 out of the six shorts are suitably weird, bizarre and creepy. The other 3 are just horrible excuses for pointless 'artistic' gore. I like how each segment is directed by an individual director. I will probably watch this again after a suitable cooling off period because right now I'm a bit too disturbed by it all.

Dogtooth - 2009 ***

A very weird movie. One that leaves you with an empty and slightly unhinged feeling in your stomach, but one that I have been itching to see for sometime. There definitely is a hint of Michael Haneke in it as well which adds to the strangeness.

Also it is the only Greek film that has ever won at the Cannes film festival so Yorgos Lanthimos must be very pleased with himself.

A husband and wife go to bizarre and sometimes frightening extremes to 'protect' their three children from the outside world. The children cannot go out the house, are barely able to interact with anyone who comes to visit, and are taught words that have different meanings everyday by listening to tapes their mother makes (i.e. a zombie is a yellow flower, a sea is something you sit in with leather armrests).

It is not clear why the parents are being this way, (one bizarre scene has the father lining them up and telling them that cats are their enemy and that as long as they don't venture out into the garden for too long then they will not be eaten by one) and one suspects that they are either the most paranoid human beings in the world or just utterly mad.

The children survive by making up games with each other that appear to be mostly sexual, and spend a lot of time being incestuous with each other.

It is a complete head ****, which I'm sure is what the director intended, but like 'Funny Games' it makes you feel very uneasy afterwards, although the thing about films like this is that they don't have a point. It is pointless to expect there to be a reason to this film, so just watch it and suspend your disbelief.

Spirited Away - 2008 **** 1/2

I have never had the slightest interest in Japanese animation which is strange really because I love Disney and Pixar stuff.

However this was in my 1001 movies to see book, so I thought I would give it a go.

I have never seen anything so weird and wonderful in my life.

However I totally loved it and was gripped the whole way through except when my DVD skipped!

You can always count on Japanese movies to be totally bizarre. It was like watching a dream unfold before me and seeing all the strange make believe characters that you might imagine existed when you were younger.

The story is of a young girl who is in the process of moving to a new place with her parents, however after their car breaks down things start to go very weird and her parents, after gorging themselves on some food they find in an empty restaurant turn into pigs, leaving the girl to enter a strange world of spirits and monsters in an effort to save them. I cannot help but reiterate how amazingly weird it is, and I urge people to see it. It's a fable I guess, about living in the real world and escaping into a fantasy? Maybe Japanese people interpret it differently, but I certainly saw it that way, and it only added to my enjoyment. It's convinced me that I have to watch all the other Japanese anime movies I have noticed but never really taken much notice of.