(HORROR) You Can't Kill Stephen King - 2012 *

VERY bad. Very, very bad. A group of friends go to a lake where Stephen King is said to have worked and stayed and are murdered in ridiculous ways one at a time. That's pretty much the gist of the film. It's totally silly and not scary in the slightest, not even in a 'so bad it's good way.' Avoid if you value your time. 

Delivery Man - 2013 **

Only Vince Vaughn could willingly take part in such a stupid film and get away with it.
David is an underachiever who works at his family butcher shop, and earns ridiculously low pay. To make matters worse, he is being chased by scary men who are after a huge amount of drug money from him that he will not be able to repay. Oh, and his girlfriend has just found out that she is pregnant.
Things are not going well for him. But one day when he comes back from work, he is confronted by a lawyer who tells him that because of his regular sperm donations years and years ago he has fathered 533 children.
142 of these children have started a lawsuit against the fertility clinic to release the identity of the man who fathered them.
Eager to see how his brood has turned out, David stalks each of his children, finding any little thing he can do to start a conversation of give them some support.
Before long, the thugs catch up with him, and he decides to sue the sperm bank for damages.
It's a very silly, and completely ridiculous film, and I must say, that although Vince Vaughn is quite funny, I'm getting a bit fed up of him playing the same pathetic characters in each movie.

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa - 2013 ****

'Bad Grandpa' must not be taken seriously. It would be pointless too really, as most of the scenes are so ridiculous and over the top that it would spoil it if you saw it as anything other than a joke. Johnny Knoxville plays the ludicrous but likeable Grandpa Irving who is dealt the task of taking his grandson Billy to stay with his father while his mother is on jail. This takes them both on a road trip of epic proportions (to be honest I'm amazed that he isn't arrested for some of the things he does) and a hilarious climax involving a children's pageant brings it all to a farcical close. 

Funny, and silly. 

The Tall Man - 2012 **

Awful, messy film, with a ridiculous performance by Jessica Biel who appears to have undergone a 'no wash' policy for the entire period of filming.
Children are disappearing at an alarming rate from the mining town of Cold Rock. After Biel's child is taken, she sets out to discover the truth about who or what is taking the children, and how come the townsfolk seem to know so much more than they are letting on.
The story starts off in a reasonable way, but the end is actually a joke.

(HORROR) Solstice - 2008 **

If you are aware that this was by the directors of the 'Blair Witch Project' you can't help but be slightly put off initially. But don't let that sway your mind. Use instead the fact that this film is ridiculously bad all on its own. The characters are so transparent that it makes you wince, and the whole 'lets all celebrate the solstice together by getting hammered and groping each other' wears thin. This is not a good film.

(HORROR) AB Negative - 2006 *

A hideously bad movie. Badly made, ridiculous plot and horrible camera work that seemed to make everything worse. The idea of harvesting human organs is quite a delicate subject but was (excuse the pun) mercilessly butchered here. I might recommend this movie to my worst enemy to waste their time, but no one else.

Class of 1984 - 1982 *

Dear God what a ridiculous and hideous movie. How could something like this be made?? I thought sequels of horror films were bad, but this was on a whole new level of dire. I'm hoping against hope that the Mark Lester who directed this isn't the same one who played Oliver Twist in the musical?!
Pupil/teacher revolution is always a difficult subject to cross, and I'm sorry to say that this failed miserably. Too 'punk era' for me. Look out for a very young Michael J Fox.

Chromophobia - 2005 **

One of those awfully bleak films where everything is going wrong for all the main characters and you don't know whether to feel sorry for them or to despise them for the ridicculous choices they make. Kristen Scott Thomas acts like she's utterly deranged and Penelope Cruz is a deeply unpleasant human being. I liked the soundtrack (The Thieving Magpie in particular) but I can't find anything credible about this movie. In short, one of those films where you finish watching it and find yourself in the slough of despond.

Cat People - 1942 ***

This film seems to have been almost impossible to track down, and it was only by chance that I saw it was to be on late one night that I recorded it.

Anyway, in the end it didn't really matter, because it wasn't nearly as good as I was expecting it to be.

Simone Simon (I've always thought it was a stupid name) plays a woman named Irene who meets a draftsman and falls in love with him. However she is paralysed with fear that if she becomes intimate with him she will turn into a cat, like the Serbian myths told her in her childhood. However she goes ahead and gets married, and her husband soon realises that she needs serious help with her fears and tries to get her to see a psychiatrist.

It goes from being pretty terrifying (you will all have seen the famous scene where the woman is walking down a dark street and stops every now and again because she thinks she is being followed. It's really quite a scary scene) to being absolutely ridiculous (the girl jumping into the swimming pool in the dark because she thinks that will deter the giant black cat that is chasing her) with a load of dull blurb in between. Except for a few exciting moments there isn't much to recommend in this film.