(HORROR) Road Train - 2010 *

A group of friends become involved in a car crash whilst camping in the outback. In going for help they are inadvertently put into more danger as they become overpowered by a strange force. There isn't much to say about this film. It's awful and whoever directed it should be shot.

The Other Guys - 2010 **

I am becoming more and more impressed with how much Will Ferrell is making me laugh in movies. Some films he has done are hilarious. Unfortunately this isn't a hilarious movie, but it's okay, and Wahlberg wasn't too bad either (you can sense he's a bit cocky though)
Both star as detectives who are stuck together after an accidental shooting sometime ago.
No one respects them or likes them, and even more so when they try and investigate a big case and everything goes wrong.
It was a film that I wasn't too upset about ending, and that usually means it's not high on my list.

Burke and Hare - 2010 ** 1/2

Why Isla Fisher is in a film about Scottish body snatching I have no idea, she has one of the worst accents I have ever heard. This film isn't meant to be too much of a 'homage' to the two men, more a general romp around with a few laughs chucked in. Despite being labeled 'outrageously funny' by the Daily Star (hardy a reputable newspaper at that) it really isn't, and although I raised a smile a few times, most of the film was just too silly to be taken seriously.

Love Crime - 2010 ****

One of the better films I have seen this month. 'Love Crime' is richly constructed, brilliantly acted by both Scott Thomas and Sagnier, and (as stated on the poster) really does convey a film noir quality to it.
Christine is ruthless and calculating as the executive boss who enjoys tormenting and manipulating her young and talented assistant Isabelle. Isabelle quietly and calmly plots the only thing that means she can be freed from the harassment that she can think of. Murder. But there comes a twist. Not only does she leave clues at the crime scene, but she implicates herself. Mental Breakdown? Or something more sinister?
Very gripping and beautifully directed by the late Alain Corneau, this is one to watch.
An added bonus is to try and catch 'Swimming Pool' (which stars the two same actresses and is equally as bizarre).

(HORROR) Paranormal Calamity - 2010 *

Because of my strange obsessive need to watch every spoof film that has ever been made it fell upon me to watch this.
It was utterly horrific. Unfunny, boring and the story was such a joke I just kept staring at the screen in disbelief. Lots of swearing for no reason and lots of weird sec scenes.
DO NOT WATCH THIS.

Grown Ups - 2010 **

In 'anticipation' of the new Grown Ups 2 movie, I thought I should watch the first one. Oh no no no, what a mistake. This was awful! Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, I command you to step away from Kevin James and David Spade this instant or your acting careers will be flushed down the toilet.
A group of old school friends mourning the death of their favourite coach, decide to spend a weekend together, honouring him, getting drunk, mucking around, being immature, disrespecting their wives and injuring each other in the name of 'masculinity.' It was boring, unfunny, and I barely raised a smile. It's not a nice 'feel good' film, more a warning to all those who think they are 'missing out' on being young and foolish, when in fact, they are just sad and pathetic. *sigh*

Tucker & Dale VS Evil - 2010 ****1/2

Another surprisingly good film. I found this hilarious and completely unique. Tucker and Dale are 2 slightly odd but very well-meaning guys who go to their vacation home for a restful break but are caught up in the hysteric mania of a group of college friends who believe that they are axe-wielding murderers after they witness the 2 friends rescuing one of their group from a freezing cold lake and taking her back to their cabin. It really is very funny and I laughed out loud a number of times. The acting is great, and over the top in a good way with some very smart one-liners. Watch.

Four Lions - 2010 *** 1/2

With a film as questionable and taboo as this, you really have to try and see the funny side and not offended. Yes of course any act of terrorism is horrific and unforgettable, but this film is trying to put a lighter spin on things, which I suppose to a wider audience could go either way.
Four completely idiotic British jihadists go off to learn how to become professional terrorists, the end goal being them blowing themselves up. Obviously this sort of thing does happen and so it is quite a tender subject, but the film is not in any way trying to insult or degrade the victims of attacks like these, more show how young, dumb and inexperienced terrorists usually are in the lead up to these dreadful incidents and how little they actually know and understand of what they are about to do.
It's funny, so give it a watch, and don't feel guilty.

(HORROR) A Horrible Way to Die - 2010 *

It sounded good, the whole obsessed ex boyfriend story. But really it wasn't. A murderer who has escaped from jail is trying to hunt down his ex girlfriend who has run away to a new town to start a new life. It's very badly acted, and the camera work is awful. Don't watch it.

(HORROR) 13 hrs - 2010 **

I figured because Gemma Atkinson was great in 'Hollyoaks' and Tom Felton was.. well Malfoy in 'Harry Potter' that this would be a relatively exciting horror film. Granted I wasn't expecting much of a plot, but when you have actors sometimes it doesn't really matter. Well here I was presented with no plot and diabolical acting. All the characters were so unlikeable that I just hoped they would die early on. So many giant plot holes here, and almost no premise at all. Ridiculous.

Stone - 2010 ***

I find Robert De Niro a rather intense actor so it's always good to see him in a film where he can really show off his acting talents to the full. Here he plays a parole officer near retirement who has to work with criminal Edward Norton. Despite playing it fairly amicably with De Niro, Norton is complete maniac, and to make matters worse, De Niro starts to develop feelings for Norton's wife, played disturbingly by Milla Jovovich.
The parts are all played well, but I can't say I particularly enjoyed the story itself.

(HORROR) Stalker - 2010 ****

It's brilliant when you find a film that you really enjoy despite almost cutting your own arm off in order to not have to watch it.
This was a British film with compelling and gritty acting and I thought it was a surprisingly good storyline.
A young woman named Paula with a tight book deadline goes to her family country house to relax and work without distraction. Out of the blue, a woman called Linda claiming to be her P.A. appears and tells her that she will take over her writing for her and Paula can then take the credit afterwards. This seems too good to be true, but before long, Linda's obsession with Paula's work becomes too much and Paula starts fearing for her life.
I liked it.

Dear John - 2010 *

I think I've embarrassed myself enough now by watching yet another Nicholas Sparks adaptation. I swore that I never would, because I find his writing far too sickly sweet, but I gave in for some unknown reason and watched this.
For a start, Channing Tatum is one of the most annoying actors on the face of the planet. He can't act, he can barely function, and he has about as much charm and personality as a lump of wood. Here he monotonously wanders through the film as a soldier on leave from the army who falls in love with Seyfried. But things can only get worse. Because she can't act to save her life either. So we have two 'stars' both woodenly stumbling around like they are in the dark, one with too many facial expressions (Seyfried) and another with no facial expression at all except one of a recovering drug addict (Tatum). The film is stupid, weak, and the characters hold no fascination or interest to me whatsoever. Stay away from this and from all N Spark books if you don't want to become a walking cyborg like Channing Tatum.

(HORROR) If a Tree Falls - 2010 **

I have no idea what trees have to do with this pathetic excuse for a horror film. Camping in the woods (I guess that's where the 'clever' trees reference in the title comes from) goes horribly wrong for a group of young people when they are assaulted by a gang of masked terrorists. As this sort of thing very rarely happens on your ideal camping trip it's hard to take any of the rest of the film seriously as we watch the characters make a series of quite frankly retarded mistakes that get them worse into trouble. The awful acting doesn't help either.

(HORROR) Mother's Day - 2010 *

 

For me, 'Mother's Day' was one of those films that I had started trying to watch twice and had given up on. This third time I forced myself to sit down and watch until the end which I did, despite wanting to get up and run away a number of times. I've watched an awful lot of horror films, but this seemed unnecessarily brutal and pointless.Just for no reason at all we were subjected to scene after scene of stabbing, impaling, cutting, shooting and other delightful images which made me feel sick. The storyline (which always seems to be the way) was virtually non-existent and Rebecca De Mornay gave one of the most boring performances of her life as the deranged mother, out to mutilate and abuse anyone who hurt her children. It was all too cliche and things happened for absolutely no reason at all. Now I understand that I have a sixth sense when it comes to awful films that tries to stop me wasting my time, in true fashion I managed to completely ignore this mental warning and have thus subjected myself to this film three times.

(HORROR) Uninhabited - 2010 ***

I'm giving this 3 stars for the beginning. It started off so well, except for the by now goddam awful 'based on actual events' sign that we see at the start of all these types of films. Based on what event exactly? A couple going on holiday? Someone going fishing? Not much to go on really. Anyway! The island itself is stupendously beautiful, with such clear, blue water that you can see all the creatures below. Filming this must have been a joy.
A couple decide to go to an uninhabited island off the Great Barrier Reef for 10 days for a change of scene and to see how they cope alone with nature's basics. Things start off well, but sooner or later things take a turn for the worse and it's all utterly ridiculous. Things start happening that make no sense whatsoever added to which the female lead becomes excruciatingly irritating. I don't understand what on earth happened at the end and to be honest, the DVD cover is rather misleading.

Cemetery Junction - 2010 **

This was an awfully dreary film from Rickey Gervais and I can't even begin to understand why he directed or even starred in something like this. Was it a nod towards his humble roots? Or is he just fascinated by dull, uninteresting people? Either way you finish this film wishing you had never sat through it, and contrary to the supposedly positive message that is portrayed here (be young, be free, be somebody) it just makes you want to go to bed for a long time to escape the boredom. 

Despicable Me - 2010 ****

'I'm having a bad bad day, it's about time that I had my way..' this song must have given Pharrell's career a big boost. And the film itself is hilarious as well. The main character is a criminal mastermind who inherits 3 little children to look after from an orphanage as part of his grand scheme and gradually overcomes his one-sided view of the world and himself to be a good father figure. It's light-hearted fun and the four little yellow creatures are adorable. Worth a watch.

(HORROR) Confessions - 2010 *

I'm gradually losing all faith in Japanese horror, seeming to watch dull after boring after awful film with no storyline. To look at the premise of this film you would really think you were on to a good thing, but sadly it fails miserably and what follows is a rubbish mish-mash of pointless scenes. I might lay off the Tartan Asia for a while. It's wasting hours of my life. What used to be a wonderful novelty has now become a bit of a bore.

(HORROR) And Soon the Darkness - 2010 **

When is America going to stop remaking films that are really good enough to start with and changing everything that made them 'originals'? This had none of the creepy atmosphere that the original did, and what was a good, solid, frightening low budget movie has been turned into some sort of bikini - clad girl fest. What a totally utter surprise. Not worth watching. Watch the 1970s film.