Thursday, January 31, 2013

(NOIR) The Second Woman - 1950 ***


Yes it wasn't a bad film. But a choice between this and 'Rebecca' would have me clasping on to the latter. Very noir-like although I'm not sure that this is actually considered a film noir. It's more a psychological thriller. There are many similarities to 'Rebecca' however and it's fun to try to spot them. A scary house, mysterious first wife, a past that no one will talk about, a tormented and mentally anguished man, and an inexplicable terror of a winding road.
Betsy Drake is the lead star, and although she comes across as far too sugary sweet for my liking she does harden a bit towards the end. Robert Young is the disturbed man who falls for her despite the horrific secret he harbours.
Anyone who has seen 'Rebecca' will know the main parts of the story and will probably guess the ending.

The Night Caller - 1998 ****


Despite going to the theatre last night to see 'The Woman in Black' I still managed to fit in a film. To me this seemed to be the kind of film that's shown on channel five in the afternoon that no one watches. They are mostly complete rubbish but you do get a couple of hidden gems. This was a gem. Yes it wasn't original ('Play Misty For Me' had already been there and done that) but it did have something very disturbing about it. I was actually on the edge of my seat which rarely happens. The story follows Beth, a bizarre creature who looks on first sight as though she wouldn't hurt a fly. By day she looks after her bed-ridden mother, and by night she works in a convenience store with a horrible manager. The thing that keeps her going at work is to listen to her favourite psychiatrist called Dr Roland on the radio. She manages to get a job working alongside Dr Roland and gradually becomes more and more obsessed with her, infiltrating herself into her family, friends and life. Creepy film, and a bit creepier I think because the two main characters are women.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

(HORROR) The Doll Master - 2004 **


This freaked me out far more than I think was intended purely because I am terrified of dolls. The idea of painted dolls moving makes me feel quite sick, so you can imagine how it made the characters in the film, who were subjected to constant scenes full of moving dolls with bloodshot eyes and incredibly straight hair. A typical Japanese horror about ancient curse/revenge. Weird.

(HORROR) Stitches - 2009 **


Oh Dear. This is such a low budget and badly done film that it doesn't even come up if you search for it on Google. That isn't a good sign. It's medical surgery gone crazy as a group of friends are cut apart one at a time by a psychotic doctor who thinks he is doing good by practising techniques and procedures on the unsuspecting bunch. Some of them are so annoying they deserve what happens to them but still there are some rather unsavoury moments, especially one involving silicon breast implants. Not a good film.

(HORROR) Stag Night - 2008 **


'Stag Night' is as brilliant as you would expect it to be. i.e. it's not. The premise is that a group of guys go out on a stag night (bet you didn't see that one coming) and bump into 2 women that they take a shine to. They then proceed to follow the women (as you do) to the subway. By accident, they all get off at a station that has been closed for over 40 years and are then subjected to terrifying men/creatures who are out to kill them. It's quite disturbing, but the British film 'Creep' is much better with more of a gradual build up of tension.

(NOIR) Jigsaw - 1949 ***


'Jigsaw' isn't a bad film, but it has a lot of plot holes and inconsistency which made my head spin. Franchot Tone is great in noir usually, but seemed a bit weak here. The jigsaw refers to a murder at the beginning of the film that is initially labeled a suicide which then 'surprisingly' turns out to be a murder. Tone is the one who has to crack it, by infiltrating himself in with a crime boss known as 'Angel.'
Not one of the stronger noirs, but one that you should see nonetheless.

The Red House - 1947 **


I really didn't enjoy this film which is a shame because I think Robinson is a darn good actor. I was totally put off by all the actors in this however and the completely manic way the story was handled wasn't in the least bit enjoyable. Robinson plays a crippled farmer named Pete who lives with his sister and ward Meg who he has adopted in a reclusive farm. They live next to some ominous looking woods which are said to be haunted. Meg convinces her friend Nath to come and do some odd jobs around the farm for some extra cash, and that same evening he ignores warnings not to walk through the woods on the way home, resulting in him hearing blood-curdling screams and wails. He also comes across an abandoned Red House. He thinks it is Pete trying to scare him at first, but after hearing terror in Pete's voice when he talks about how much he fears the place Nath and Meg decide to solve the mystery themselves. It's like a scary Famous Five episode. It could be scary, but I feel Robinson for one grossly overacts here, and it shows. The ending is obvious before the end as well.

Klondike - 1932 ****


This film was a bit of a revelation for me, mostly because it is the first film I have ever seen with Thelma Todd. I am at the moment reading a biography of her tragic death and felt that as a movie buff I really needed to have watched something with her in. Well to be honest I felt exactly the same way I felt when I first watched Jean Harlow in 'Public Enemy.' Although she didn't have a huge part she shone through and was the highlight of the film for me. Thelma was like this here. The actual story is pretty weak and the acting of most of the other characters is quite poor, but Thelma brightened up every scene she was in, and I found her presence both fascinating and sad at the same time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. One of those stars who by her death was nearly at the top of her game, and then it was taken away from her before she had a chance to get there. As far as her acting goes she is actually very like Harlow in many ways. Notably her charisma, her humor and her gentle nature. If she hadn't been in this (despite the fact that she had limited scenes) it would of been a pointless watch, but happily she was, so it gets another star from me.

Dear John - 2010 *


I think I've embarrassed myself enough now by watching yet another Nicholas Sparks adaptation. I swore that I never would, because I find his writing far too sickly sweet, but I gave in for some unknown reason and watched this.
For a start, Channing Tatum is one of the most annoying actors on the face of the planet. He can't act, he can barely function, and he has about as much charm and personality as a lump of wood. Here he monotonously wanders through the film as a soldier on leave from the army who falls in love with Seyfried. But things can only get worse. Because she can't act to save her life either. So we have two 'stars' both woodenly stumbling around like they are in the dark, one with too many facial expressions (Seyfried) and another with no facial expression at all except one of a recovering drug addict (Tatum). The film is stupid, weak, and the characters hold no fascination or interest to me whatsoever. Stay away from this and from all N Spark books if you don't want to become a walking cyborg like Channing Tatum.

(HORROR) Sisters - 1973 ****


Quite a shocking film for it's time, mostly for the purely psychological tension and panic that it creates for the viewer. One of those situations where the audience knows what's going on and feels like they want to scream at the screen to stop the following events from happening. Margot Kidder gives quite a haunting performance, mainly I think it's because she's obviously not English, and her slightly stilted accent is a bit eerie. I wouldn't say it's quite as terrifying as Hitchcock but it still packs a punch, and the ending is very odd. A woman is accused of murdering her date after he is found dead in her apartment. A reporter and a neighbour witness it happen. The trouble is the woman is one half of Siamese twins and she fears her sister may have something to do with it.
There are some genuinely tense moments here, and for those who have seen 'Dressed to Kill' this is a must-watch.

(HORROR) Detour - 2009 ***


'Detour' had a number of twists and turns to it, and actually it wasn't a bad film. It was fairly jumpy, had some shocks and towards the end it got rather intense. This is usually the way with foreign horror; at least it knows how to scare, unlike all the American horror that is churned out. A couple on their way back from buying an excessive amount of booze for their friend's wedding drive through a well known 'smugglers' road which many people use to get their alcohol over the border. They are stopped by a policeman who, instead of searching them, tells them that there has been an accident along the road and that they should take a detour. Once they have done this however, they realise that they are in danger for their lives.
Not a bad film, and a heck of a lot better than many others I have recently seen.

(HORROR) Haunted - 1995 **





'Haunted' is one of those films that looks like it's going to be brilliant. And to be honest if you described the story it would come across like 'The Awakening' which I thought was terrifying. An old house, set in 1920s, ghosts, creepy music - it's pretty much my ideal film. Except it wasn't. It was slow, not in the least bit scary, very odd towards the end and Kate Beckinsale gave a very wooden performance. Saying that, so did Aidan Quinn. She spent the whole film whimpering and quivering and he spent his time giving confused and spaced out glances to everyone he spoke to. I don't really understand the plot. So that was another black mark against it.

(HORROR) If a Tree Falls - 2010 **


I have no idea what trees have to do with this pathetic excuse for a horror film. Camping in the woods (I guess that's where the 'clever' trees reference in the title comes from) goes horribly wrong for a group of young people when they are assaulted by a gang of masked terrorists. As this sort of thing very rarely happens on your ideal camping trip it's hard to take any of the rest of the film seriously as we watch the characters make a series of quite frankly retarded mistakes that get them worse into trouble. The awful acting doesn't help either.

Monday, January 28, 2013

(HORROR) Messages Deleted - 2009 **


I had avoided this movie for quite a while as I had got it into my head that it was an American remake of a Japanese horror movie (a bit like 'Phone'). It's not a remake, but it's as bad as one. I wish I could delete it from my brain. And that main lead whose always in films like Scooby-Doo and American Pie style rip-offs is infuriating. The ending was so predictable; it was even mentioned a couple of times throughout the film before it was revealed. No suspense, nothing original and nothing in the least bit exciting. There were no defining features that would make this film worthy of seeing at all let alone again.

(HORROR) Mother's Day - 2010 *

For me, 'Mother's Day' was one of those films that I had started trying to watch twice and had given up on. This third time I forced myself to sit down and watch until the end which I did, despite wanting to get up and run away a number of times. I've watched an awful lot of horror films, but this seemed unnecessarily brutal and pointless.Just for no reason at all we were subjected to scene after scene of stabbing, impaling, cutting, shooting and other delightful images which made me feel sick. The storyline (which always seems to be the way) was virtually non-existent and Rebecca De Mornay gave one of the most boring performances of her life as the deranged mother, out to mutilate and abuse anyone who hurt her children. It was all too cliche and things happened for absolutely no reason at all. Now I understand that I have a sixth sense when it comes to awful films that tries to stop me wasting my time, in true fashion I managed to completely ignore this mental warning and have thus subjected myself to this film three times.

Here Comes the Boom - 2012 **


This is such a stereotypical American movie. A bit like 'School of Rock' but even worse and barely funny at all. Kevin James seems to know only one character, that of the bumbling, useless joke of a guy who messes everything up but deep down has a good heart. It's not an awfully becoming trait, especially for this actor, but he seems to display it down to a fine art here. Because of school cut-backs and low funds, certain areas of the establishment are having to be cut. This includes the music programme which many of the students are a part of. James decides to help the music teacher raise the money by becoming a wrestler so that he will walk away with money regardless of whether he wins or loses. Unfortunately it appears that losing is his middle name. It's not a brilliant film, and I wouldn't feel I had missed out if I hadn't watched it. Bit boring and a bit of a waste of time.

Friday, January 25, 2013

(NOIR) The Racket - 1951 *

 
This was a downright awful film. I found it slow, uninteresting, badly acted, and with about as much entertainment value as a lump of wood. Robert Mitchum was barely acting and just seemed to float around the office, Lizabeth Scott irritates me beyond belief and I cannot stand to watch her. Every film I have seen her in has just incensed me more as she tries each time to be a carbon copy of Lauren Bacall and fails miserably. Notably because Lauren Bacall can actually act... The story was dire. I can't recommend this to anyone.
 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

(NOIR) Woman on the Run - 1950 **


I find it very odd that the title of this film is 'Woman on the Run' when actually the movie is revolving around the woman's husband who witnessed a murder and decided to go on the run because of it. He is pursued by his wife, a reporter keen to get the scoop on the situation, a cop who is determined to bring the husband into the station to question/charge him, and the real murderer, who is is adamant that no one will suspect him. All in all, except for the slowish beginning (and Ann Sheridan looking a bit worse for wear) the film is pretty good. One negative point I have to make however is the quality of the print. Now I watched this as a legit copy so it's not as though someone recorded it off their television and sold it to me down a back alley, but even so it was almost unwatchable in parts, as well as muffled, distorted and too dark to see. This really put me off and there were certain points where I just wanted to switch it off. Not brilliant, which is a shame because the actual story was quite captivating.

Source Code - 2011 ****


Now I have to say that I was extremely surprised by this film and really enjoyed it. Gyllenhaal was actually pretty convincing and the storyline in my opinion was original and crisp.
After waking up in another man's body, Gyllenhaal is told that he is part of a mission to find the bomber of a train in Chicago. He has nothing to go on except that he returns each time to the same time and scene 8 minutes before the train explodes. It is up to him to find the bomber and save the people on there without having any idea what the person might look like or what their motives are.
Taut, tense and thrilling, this is worth watching, and yes, while the ending is a bit bizarre, the rest of this tightly knitted film is worth it.

(HORROR) Forget Me Not - 2009 **


This was another hopeless film supposedly deemed scary by who exactly?? I grant you that yes, the subject matter was slightly different to typical horror films (as each person dies it is as if they never existed) but really it wasn't strong enough to give this film a high rating. Another one of those 'revenge from the past' scenarios that didn't really make much sense at all.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Goals for Films 2013

Okay, so I have so far seen over 30 movies this month. I was hoping to get up to 40 which may still be feasible as it is only the 21st today. Last year I averaged on about 15 - 20 movies per month but this has to change if I am going to beat my target of 200+. I figure if I can see 30+ a month I am well on track (actually this will bring my film watching up to about 360!!). I hope against hope that I start watching some worthwhile films however, as over the past month I have only seen 3 films that I have awarded 4 stars. Bit depressing when you think of it like that.

A Touch Of Class - 1973 ****


What a nice contrast to the film before.This was funny, up-tempo and intelligent. A happily married man (Segal) meets divorcee (Jackson) and the 2 embark on a risque week away in Spain. The whole situation is (to put it bluntly) supposed to revolve around sex, but things get tricky when Segal realises he has fallen in love with Jackson. I know it's not that original of a plot, but it's very witty and actually there were a few moments where I laughed out loud (one involving Segal spraining his back). I also loved seeing London as it was in the 70s with normal people going about their business; snapshots like that always draw me to films like this.

(HORROR) Crazy Eights - 2006 **


Crazy me for watching this more like? Usually horrors that centre around old hospitals, sanitariums, mental institutions etc are pretty creepy. These kinds of films are usually shot in genuine locations and so that makes them even weirder.
This was (by the looks of things) shot on location and still managed to be a garbled mess. I'm not even sure what the story was because my mind started wandering pretty soon after it had started. I can honestly say though, that this was one of the films I had been looking forward to watching, and as usual I had been disappointed.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

(HORROR) When the Lights went out - 2012 **




Well when the lights went out I very nearly fell asleep. I genuinely thought this might be a scary film after all the excellent reviews and praise that had been lavished on it upon it's release. I understand people want a film to show a gradual build-up of tension, but this was so slow by the time anything happened it just wasn't scary. A light kept swinging backwards and forwards and a family walk around a house swearing at each other and slapping their daughter. That's about it. Even towards the end it's so predictable. Sorry, two thumbs down from me.

Friday, January 18, 2013

(HORROR) Broken - 2006 *

 
 

'Broken' is certainly not a film to watch if you are pregnant or trying to be. It's very gruesome and can be quite upsetting in some scenes. Yet again though (like the above movie) the acting is really bad and it completely spoils the production. It was very slow as well and took about an hour to really get going. Even then nothing much happened out of the ordinary. Not worth your time. 

(HORROR) Keepsake - 2008 *




An abomination of a movie. I thought I had hit rock bottom with others but this took the biscuit. The acting was appalling and most of the women spent the whole time screaming. When you get knocked down by a maniac it's best to stay down not keep trying to get up and speak again and again. You'll just end up very dead. The lead woman in this deserved to either die or banned from making anymore awful horror films. I'm hoping this isn't her proper job because she's hideous at it. I'm really disheartened at all these awful films I'm wasting my time on. 

(HORROR) The Final Patient - 2005 **



 
I can't say I thought much either way about this film until towards the end when it just terrified me. For a low-budget movie it creeped me out a lot in the last few scenes. I thought the guy who played the doctor was quite good, but none of the others were, and he pretty much carried the whole film on his back. There is obviously a reason why this film isn't more widely known. Basically because it's awfully done. End of.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - 1999 ****



This is a funny film. Rob Schneider is great. He always makes me laugh, and this story, about a pool cleaner who gets mistaken for a male gigolo whilst house-sitting is classic. It's completely stupid and uterly ridiculous but that's why it's pretty much a laugh a minute as you watch him take strange woman after crazy woman out on dates with various levels of success. Got 'The Animal' all lined up to watch as well. Should be equally as good I would imagine.

(HORROR) Excision - 2012 ***



One of the weirdest, most disturbing films I have seen for a long time. Annalynne McCord is amazing in this black comedy as a mentally unstable teenager named Pauline who lives with her parents and has aspirations of becoming a doctor. In her spare time she picks her scabs, plays with dead animals and dreams about cutting people up. Her make-up is very freaky and you would never believe that it was the same beautiful actress from 90210. Things take a horrible turn when her sister who is already ill, becomes much worse and Pauline really loses the plot. Bizarre and slightly terrifying.


Le Crime De Monsieur Lange - 1936

This is an odd little film. For a start it's quite unknown. But it's also a remarkably good story and I enjoyed it. A man and a woman arrive at a cafe in France hoping to get accommodation for the night. The customers and owner recognise the man from a 'wanted for murder' poster. As they decide what should become of the man (who is asleep upstairs) the woman comes down and sis with them, telling the events leading up to that day. Renoir's good so all fine with me.


(HORROR) Urban Legends 2: Final Cut - 2000 ***






First off, I really enjoyed the first 'Urban Legend' film. It was cheesy, but it was original and actually it did freak me out a bit when I was younger. Normally you never ever get a good sequel to a horror film. However, here you do. I thought this was scary, well acted (especially from the lead female) and actually I know the ending was a bit pathetic but it served quite well for the director to make another film afterwards (which he did do).

(HORROR) Are You Scared? - 2006 *





'Wow, just wow.' Yes, but not in a positive or even remotely scary way. This film is awful. Pure and simple. It's the worst rip-off of the 'Saw' franchise that I have ever seen. The acting is poor, the deaths, whilst vaguely amusing aren't in the least bit terrifying. Mostly because all you can see if fake blood that looks like tomato soup and fake prosthetic skin that keeps getting ripped off at every opportunity for a 'scare.' You can tell by the cover that the film is going to be pants, but if you want anymore convincing watch it. Then smack yourself hard for wasting your time.

(HORROR) Breadcrumbs - 2011 *




Hideous. Crap. Dire. What else can I say? This is not 'terrifying and original' like the reviews say. The children are supposed to be scary but they end up being hilarious. One has a massive load of blood on one side of his face and the other is ginger beyond compare. A film crew hoping to film an adult movie find a cabin that they think will be ideal. However the two children keep appearing and then go crazy and tie them up. All sorts of silliness ensues and the end thank god comes just in time.

La Ronde - 1950 ****


 
Max Ophuls never ceases to surprise me. He's just amazing and each of his films is a delightful experience. 'La Ronde' takes us through the streets and romantic situations narrated by Anton Walbrook at his most suave and sophisticated. He tells us story after story, merging himself into each one (i.e. a story surrounding a private restaurant booth has Walbrook playing a waiter to the couple). He also does his fair share of attempting to sing which although very out of tune is incredibly endearing and fits with the surreal style of the movie. A lovely film. Ophuls yet again gets two thumbs up from me.


Slackers - 2002 **

 
Well this wasn't a bad movie. It was reasonably funny and Devon Sawa is okay. That guy with the disturbingly long eyebrow situation is one of the most annoying characters ever. All about how you should never cheat on tests because... well you'll get caught. That's sort of the motto of this film. And it draws it out for nearly an hour and a half.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Chain - 1984 **

 
This was a bit of a sneaky one from Lovefilm. Mainly because I was on the lookout for something with Nigel Hawthorne in and this was advertised as him playing the lead part. 'Fantastic' I thought, as he was in the midst of his 'Yes Prime Minister' fame. Actually he has one of the much smaller parts and for a massive chunk of the film you don't even see him. It's quite a good comedy. Certainly does have the '1980s vibe' about it. However some parts dragged a lot which made my mind start wandering.
The story is based on moving day and the stress, excitement and anicipation that comes with each trip for the removal men and their 'clients' involved. Each story has different circumstances and different mottos/morals and by the end you're actually a bit relieved. It's quite tiring. Hawthorne was a standout despite having a much smaller part than I was expecting.


(HORROR) The Tortured - 2009 **





This started off in a promising way, but then progressed into a horrific mixture of Saw and Hostel. A young couple look for payback on the man who kidnapped and murdered their son. They do this by kidnapping him when he is being held in a police car and taking him to the basement of their house where they proceed to torture him to within an inch of his life. Nothing much else happens. Except a really awful ending that was quite upsetting. I liked the build-up at the beginning where the events of the kidnapping unfold etc but actually when you get down to the basics of what happens next it's just plain unpleasant. Erika Christensen is good though but Jesse Metcalfe isn't.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell - 2009 *




Oh dear. When will they learn to not make comedies out of bestselling books. Apparently the book is hilarious, which is a good thing really because the film is not. If anything, it was very depressing and doesn't portray men in a good light at all. They are either totally sex-crazed to the point where they want to sleep with anything that moves or they have a massive problem with women full stop and slag them off mercilessly at every opportunity. Not exactly a comedy. Just a worrying journey into what happens when you drink too much beer and let your 'friends' organise your stag night.

(HORROR) Uninhabited - 2010 ***





I'm giving this 3 stars for the beginning. It started off so well, except for the by now goddam awful 'based on actual events' sign that we see at the start of all these types of films. Based on what event exactly? A couple going on holiday? Someone going fishing? Not much to go on really. Anyway! The island itself is stupendously beautiful, with such clear, blue water that you can see all the creatures below. Filming this must have been a joy.
A couple decide to go to an uninhabited island off the Great Barrier Reef for 10 days for a change of scene and to see how they cope alone with nature's basics. Things start off well, but sooner or later things take a turn for the worse and it's all utterly ridiculous. Things start happening that make no sense whatsoever added to which the female lead becomes excruciatingly irritating. I don't understand what on earth happened at the end and to be honest, the DVD cover is rather misleading.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

(HORROR) Missing - 2009 ** 1/2




This is a bizarre Korean horror movie. It has all the ingredients to make it scary but it just seems to make you want to wince instead. One scene involving someone's teeth is pretty uncomfortable, but apart from that we are subjected to a pervy, old man who likes making birthday cakes for the girls he kidnaps and then singing them out of tune songs in hideous multi-coloured shirts. It's a bit like a clown nightmare. 

Lesbian Vampire Killers - 2009 ***


With a film title like that you can't really be going into this expecting to take any of it seriously. I actually thought it was quite funny, and thought Matthew Horne was good. James Corden really irritates me however so that was a bit of a downside and you can tell he is playing almost the identical character type that he always plays. Either that or that's his actual personality. The pair decide to go hiking in (of all places) Norwich in a forest. While they are there they encounter creepy locals, foreign women and a load of lesbian vampires who seem to have popped up from nowhere just to give the male viewers an eyeful. I noticed one of the women played 'Elena' in Peep Show. 
A bit of a joke, fine for easy watching. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013

(HORROR) The Suicide Manual - 2003 ***



Freaky and very disturbing film. I only watched it because someone on IMDB was raving about it after watching the 'Whispering Corridors' films. The story as you can probably imagine centres around a manual found on a suicide chat room that talks about what the best ways are to kill yourself. It's like an even more disturbing version of The Ring. A depressed and solitary cameraman stumbles across the manual after meeting a suicidal girl who swears by it and tries to uncover the whereabouts of the mysterious girl 'Rickie' who presents it.
It's very eerie. Japan does eerie so much better than anywhere else. 

Don't Bet on Love - 1933 ***


Notably the film that took Ginger and Lew up the aisle, this is a mediocre movie about a plumber who is addicted to betting on horses because he gets hints before each race. His girlfriend Molly will not marry him unless he stops his gambling and saves up $1000. He wins the money but continues to gamble, and although Molly is not happy, she takes his word that he will never put money on races again. However, when she finds out on her wedding day that he is taking her to Saratoga for their honeymoon because of the horses, she has had enough, and finishes with him. 
I love Lew Ayres and I'm pretty keen on Ginger as well, so this it was nice to see how they met and got together. 

(NOIR) Cry of the City - 1948 **

File:Cry of the City.jpg

Robert Siodmak?? What have you done sir? You're normally amazing at directing. I don't understand how this was so unimpressive. Victor Mature is one of those actors you want to like so much, but actually he's completely uninteresting and I really don't think much of him. A bit like Katherine Hepburn. He plays a police lieutenant who is trying to hunt down criminal Richard Conte who has escaped from jail after killing a policeman. It's slow and doesn't have the typical noir quality that I love. It has all the characteristics of a B movie although I fear it's not. 

(HORROR) Whispering Corridors: Voice - 2005 **


File:Voice film poster.jpg


I think I've seen one of the Whispering Corridor movies and wasn't hugely impressed with that. I also appear to be watching them in the wrong order which isn't helping. Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of these Japanese horror films that I'm becoming less and less impressed with the quality of them. The story for this was a bit ridiculous. A girl in the first scene dies after having her throat cut by a sheet of music.. something symbolic there I imagine. We then learn that the girl is dead but knows that she is and only her best friend can hear her when she sings because she has such a beautiful voice (although she really doesn't. It's a bit like a cat trapped in a washing machine.) She wanders around the school in an ethereal state while the rest of her classmates don't seem to care a bit that she's dead. It's very odd. I can't say I enjoyed it, and it dragged a heck of a lot.

(HORROR) The Lost Episode - 2012 *




There are only three reviews on Amazon for this film and they all award it one star. It really is that bad. Normally I don't let that get in the way of watching a film if I think I might enjoy it but in this case I really have to side with them. Haylie Duff shouldn't be an actress, she really is dire at it. A group of researchers go to an abandoned hospital to try and film some terrifying footage. Of course you know what happens. We get shot after shot of ridiculous flashbacks when the hospital was working and the 'inmates' were running around screeching and wailing. God it's awful. Totally stupid, unfitting music as well. 

(NOIR) The Gangster - 1949 *


Oh dear. This is one of the very weakest noirs I have seen and I'm pretty sure the acting was some of the worst as well. I have never heard of Barry Sullivan which is probably a good thing given that he has as much star quality as a damp tea cloth. 'Belita' (who is apparently so wonderful that she doesn't need a surname) was equally as bad and did a lot of moaning and crying and long drawn out looks at Sullivan. (All her years as an ice skater obviously didn't help her acting skills). The story is predictable (a man controlling an underground racket) and the ending is also predictable. In fact, most of the film is predictable. I wasn't predicting how bad literally EVERY actor would be in their part however. That did come as a surprise. It was as if each actor had only been given 10 minutes to rehearse before being filmed. 

Cemetery Junction - 2010 **


This was an awfully dreary film from Rickey Gervais and I can't even begin to understand why he directed or even starred in something like this. Was it a nod towards his humble roots? Or is he just fascinated by dull, uninteresting people? Either way you finish this film wishing you had never sat through it, and contrary to the supposedly positive message that is portrayed here (be young, be free, be somebody) it just makes you want to go to bed for a long time to escape the boredom. 

Sweet Karma - 2009 ***


I'm not sure what I was expecting from this film, but it was actually pretty good and the story was quite a complex one. It might be worth watching more than once. It centres around a beautiful Russian girl (shown above with barely anything on of course) who wants revenge for her sister's murder. She goes about this by infiltrating a dodgy underworld strip club and becoming one of the dancers in an effort to get near to the perpetrators of the crime. Now I know what you are thinking, and no, it's not cheesy, or even particularly sexy. It actually shows a pretty realistic picture of the sex trade and how girls end up in this horrible situation that they cannot escape. Added to which as it's not American it doesn't try and rely on bimbos who can't act and instead focuses on proper talent.  

(NOIR) The Big Steal - 1949 ***


I caught this film at my dad's last weekend and was desperate to see it. It has been on my list of noirs to see for ages. Jane Greer and Robert Mitchum team up again for a crazy journey through Mexico as Mitchum chases Greer's thieving fiance after being accused himself of theft. A slightly different noir owing to the fact that most of the action takes place on long car drives and outside in the sweltering heat (noirs are typically inside in the dark and centred around apartments, offices and drugstores) but captivating nonetheless. I enjoyed it and love William Bendix. 

Despicable Me - 2010 ****

'I'm having a bad bad day, it's about time that I had my way..' this song must have given Pharrell's career a big boost. And the film itself is hilarious as well. The main character is a criminal mastermind who inherits 3 little children to look after from an orphanage as part of his grand scheme and gradually overcomes his one-sided view of the world and himself to be a good father figure. It's light-hearted fun and the four little yellow creatures are adorable. Worth a watch.