Idiocracy - 2005

Being clever isn't anything.

Luke Wilson annoys me at the best of times but he was totally infuriating in this silly and immature movie. The director had obviously renewed every joke he'd heard in American comedy and stuck it in here. Awful and pointless tripe.

Rating 1/5

Eyes without a face -

No mask can hide the truth.

I was curious to see this film after the raving reviews I had read stating t as one of the scariest movies of all time. I certainly found it scary, but not because of blood or gore, simply because of the principal of the story, and the total disregard for human life that the surgeon seems to display. That and the haunting carnivale-esque music that accompanies the most unnerving moments really makes this film a chilling experience. What I admired so much was that if it had been released in American it wouldn't have been neary as scary or beautifully shot as this French production.

Rating 4/5

Passengers - 2008

The truth can't hide forever.

I really liked this movie. It made me laugh, cry and at the end utter a cry of total disbelief, and that is the kind of film I identify with. Patrick Wilson is a great actor, in fact everything I have seen him in has been positive and he is so powerful in this that he actually overshadows Anne Hathaway's terrible acting skills. A great story, similar to that of 'The Others.' Worth a watch.

Rating 4/5

Zombie Strippers - 2008

They'll dance for a fee but devour you for free.

With a name like Zombie Strippers I should have realised how totally tragic this movie would be. I suppose I was looking for a laugh and a bit of mindless escapism? Shame I was glued to the screen the entire duration, simply because I was waiting for it to get better. It didn't, Jenna Jameson is a dreadful actress, she has no talent watsover except taking her clothes off, and is that a talent?? I'm also getting used to Robery Englund picking awful, cheap B-movie type parts to add to his CV - he'll never be as good as in 'Nightmare'. Awful story and even worse camera work.

Rating 1/5

How to Loose Friends and Alienate People - 2008

Brace yourself, America.

I hardly expected this film to be up to much, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't find it in the least bit funny. After having just seen 'Ghost Town' with Ricky Gervais I was surprised to see that Simon Pegg had an almost identical personality, sort of mildy amusing at first, then irritating beyond belief soon after. Kirsten Dunst wasn't much better, playing a goody goody character that she does so well. Megan Fox is obviously the new star in Hollywood and has all the men drooling after her so I suppose that was a positive point for the males in the audience. The humour was almost non-existent in my opinion and so the film appeared pretty pointless.

Rating 2/5

Asylum - 2008

Once you're in you can never get out.

I must say that the idea of a university being haunted by a terrifying doctor who walks the grounds unaware that the place is no longer a mental asylum is a bit creepy for me. For one I love haunted films and second of all I adore films to do with asylums so I figured this was going to be brilliant. In fact it was not to be. Just an excuse to see close ups of the psychotic doctor sticking needles into the eyes of his patients, hoping to 'take their suffering away.' There were a lot of flashbacks regarding the group of students that we follow in the story as to what happened in their childhoods and these simply involved lots more blood and stabbing. Awful film.

Rating 2/5

Cujo - 1983

A horrible evil in the dead of summer.

While Cujo is a fairly nerve-racking movie it fails to deliver the panic and fear that I thought it would after so many reviews. The fact that Cujo is a cuddly St Bernard doesn't make it any scarier, in fact a lot of the time I was sympathising with the dog as opposed to the people! There is a scary scene involving a car which I found very disturbing but apart from that, pure 80s style acting. Still, I'm glad I saw it.

Rating 2.5/5

Splinter - 2008

Once it finds you, it becomes you.

Ok picture this, you and your boyfriend are off camping for a romantic anniversary treat when you get taken hostage by a crazy ex-convict and his spaced out, drug-addled girlfriend. Before you know whats happening you run over the dog belonging to the girlfriend and it comes back to life covered in weird splinter-like things. Err... and there is a lot of blood and gore, yada yada. Thats pretty much the jist of this 'ingenious, awesome monster movie'. Not worth a watch.

Rating 1/5

Alfie - 1965

What's it all about, Alfie?

Alfie is one of those film that I imagined to be completely different than what it was. I imagined a light, frothy look at male sexuality in the 60s and what I actually got was a really quite disturbing movie about a male who treats women like objects even going as far as to call them 'it'. Michael Caine is a great actor and I think this film really gave him a chance to perform as a nasty, manipulative character. The only thing I was really annoyed at was the finale, as nothing was resolved and I had no opportunity to start to feel any kind of sympathy towards Alfie, which was something I was counting on. A very good film however with some great 60s actresses including Shelley Winters who actually didn't annoy me for once.

Rating 4/5

Ghost Town - 2008

He sees dead people, and they annoy him.

Ricky Gervais annoys me in this film, he's almost identical to his Office character and because of it he fails to give off any sort of empathy to the viewers. The idea is quite a funny one, that of someone dying briefly in an operation and after they come to they are able to see and communicate with the dead. The dead people are funny, Gervais is not. Tea Leoni is her usual uneventful self with not much emotion throughout the entire film. The concept of trying to change the past before it happens seemed pretty stupid here as well, assuming that not many people in reality can have conversations with dead loved ones to change things.
For a film that seemed to have so much hype surrounding it it did a pretty pathetic job of amusing me.

Rating 2/5

Twilight - 2008

When you can live forever what do you live for?

What a fantastic movie. Really brilliant. I have not read any of Stephanie Meyer's books but that hardly matters when you get into the story which is such a great idea (that of an immortal vampire who falls in love with a human girl despite the danger it will cause to his family) that it totally bowls you over. Robert Pattison is strangely captivating as Edward and I think he was cast perfectly. Although just over two hours you never find you wat to look at the time which is always the sign of a great film, added to which I totally emphathised with the characters and wanted to be a part of the story. A memorable movie, one I'll want to see again.

Rating 4.5/5

Babysitter Wanted 2009

No experience necessary.

Oh dear, I thought after seeing both 'When a Stranger calls' movies and 'Black Christmas' that there would be no one stupid enough to try and bring out yet another replica of the calls coming from the house type movie. Apparently I was wrong and there can never be enough identical horror released these days although it kind of makes you think do they really have nothing better to come up with. The only difference with this movie is that the boy being babysat has a 'devilish' character (without giving too much away) although when the film was nearing the end I was nearly in hysterics to see what the director had actually come up with!!Pure cheese, the smelliest one out there!

Rating 1.5/5

Simon Says - 2006

Time to have some fun.

As with many horror movies I set myself up for major disappointment assuming how great they will be compared to how good they actually are. This was another waste of time and it got worse as the movie progressed. The acting was horrendous and just totally sexualised in the worst possible way, awful with a story that made no sense.

Rating 2/5

Shrek the Halls - 2008

Although this isn't technically a movie and more a short, I still thought I'd mention it because it's very funny and well put together. The Shrek movies always make me laugh and this was no exception. Shrek has never celebrated Christmas before because 'Ogres don't celebrate anything' and so he sets out to create the perfect day for himself, Fiona and the babies, of course he never counted on Donkey, Puss and a whole other entourage of creatures gate-crashing Christmas Eve...

Very funny if a little mean in length.

Rating 4/5

The Midnight Meat Train - 2008

The scariest ride you'll ever take.

Vinnie Jones has never been known for playing sentimental or 'good guys. This film was hardly going to show him in the best light either. In fact this movie was just a waste of time, effort and money. What was the director thinking? A story revolving around a butcher who hangs about on late night trains with his mallet and slaughters random people was hardly going to win intellectual film of the year. In many places it even leant towards embarassing, (Vinnie can't act to save his life but he delivers the brutal blows with stellar force, almost makes you think he migh be a hard man in real life...)and the lead guy who takes photographs spent a good deal of the movie breaking into a sweat because of his obsession with taking pictures which is a bit of a weird thing to get sweaty about. Not even credible as a Saturday night drunk film, it'll just confuse you, and the end scene, erm....??

Ratinbg 2/5

Accepted - 2006

The rejected have defected.

What drove me to watch this film I'll never know. Maybe because my partner had it at the top of his film list and I thought I should get it over with. Not much thought went into this movie. The acting was mediocre and the jokes were typical American Pie-esque. Add a few half naked women, some booze and some 'jocks' which I'm assuming are American men with an attitude problem and you have this hardly expertly produced film. Watch when your drunk, that's the only way you'll get any pleasure out of it.

Rating 2/5

The Holiday - 2006

One person's downfall is another person's holiday.

This was the film on everyone's lips over 2 yearsago andfo somereason I have only just got around to watching it today. A film made specifically for the festive season is always going to be a bit of a bet, but I knew that with a solid cast of good actors it wouldn't disappoint me. Jack Black was very good in ths film, unlike any other character I have seen him play yet totally similar at the same time. Kate Winslet was her usual sweetness and Cameron Diaz was surprisingly funny in a role which I would not personally have chosen for her. Jude Law's role was also surprising - I have never seen him in a role where I have felt sorry for him like this one. A great performance from all actors and a very heart-warming story for all.

Rating 4/5

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging - 2008

Growing up isn't all perfect.

I've read all the books in this series and was eager to see how they had been compressed into just one movie. My verdict is that I found it an enjoyable experience but I don't think overall it was as funny or clever as the books made out. The character of Georgia is great, very real and very honest, she is every teenage girl as she discovers boys, looses friends and gets embarrassed by her parents. I would recommend the books though, not this movie.

Rating 3/5

Slumdog Millionaire - 2008

Love breaks all boundaries.

I must say I wasn't desperate to watch this despite people saying it was the best film of the year and it gaining seven awards. However today I decided 'you know what, I've waited long enough, I'll force myself to sit through it.' Oh my god! What a totally thrilling and mesmerising movie. I couldn't say this is exactly a 'feel good' film but it certainly touches your heart. A wonderful story with a lovely motto, added to which the shooting of the streets of Mumbai was as close to perfection as it could be. A really fantastic performance, I urge everyone from every background to watch and realise how much they take for granted.

Rating 5/5

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas - 2008

Lines may divide us, but hope will unite us.

This movie is incredibly powerful and so well acted that for the majority of the film I was nearly in tears. Although a work of fiction it still hurts you as a viewer to see how brutal and vile the Germans were to the Jews in World War 2. Describing them as 'hardly humans at all' is not something that a decent person says. I am still disgusted to this day about the treatment of the Jews in the Holocaust and so found this especially painful to watch particularly because it centred around two young boys. A beautifully acted performance and heartbreaking in its topic of choice, a definate recommendation.

Rating 4.5/5

One Missed Call - 2008

What will it sound like when you die?

Having hardly been blown over by the Japenese version of this movie I was hardly expecting the American version to be anything special, when in fact it turned out to be a lot more gripping, atmospheric and terrifying. It followed in the vein of films such as 'Ring' and 'Pulse' and yet still seemed original. Very rarely do I prefer an American version to a Japanese one so this is a major one off. Ed Burns was brilliant as the Police Officer and Shannon Sossamon was, for the first time in her life actually in a part that didn't irritate me! This was a freaky film, and very well acted, and in future I'll be less eager to rush in and dismiss American remakes of Japanese horror immediately until I have taken the time to see them.

Rating 4/5

Vacancy 2 - The First Cut - 2008

The First Cut is the Deepest.



Having seen the first 'Vacancy' and thinking it was pretty good I had strong reservations about watching the sequel, as most sequels I watch tend to put me off not just the second movie but the first, even if I loved it originally. This had it's fair share of thrills and gore but it just seemed to be seriously lacking the thing that would have made it great. Plus there was hardly a lot of thught that went into the plot, the owners of the motel setting out to murder people just because and who really wants to watch a load of people running around, screaming and tripping over each other and call it a horror film? Not me. Maybe if the director had spent longer than half an hour deciding what the main story should be about we may have been riveted. As it stands they obviously didn't, and where this may be good for a laugh at how rubbish it is, don't get excited and think you'll be scared, it'd be better to watch the wall.

Rating 2/5

Baby Mama - 2008

The baby's only half the problem.

What happens when a business woman realises that she is nearly 40 and still no where nearer to having a baby? Well the obvious answer is surrogacy and 'Baby Mama' delves deep (but not that deep) into what happens when Tina Fey's character decides to pick a surrogate mother in the form of childish and incredibly funny Amy Poehler who cares as much about babies as she does about health food or exercise. However she is more interested in the cheque she will receive and even stops eating junk food (for half an hour).What follows is a catastrophe as the due date looms closer and Poehler still doesn't seem to be getting bigger...
For such a stupid-sounding movie this packs a tender punch and actually comes across as a very kind-hearted film, having an added bonus of hardly featuring any toilet humour at all as so many American comedies have a tendency to do.

Rating 4/5

Quarantine - 2008

Prey you survive the night

Despite raving reviews that this 'brilliant' movie is an American version of the also gripping Spanish movie 'REC' I could find absolutely nothing that would make me want to even discuss this film in a conversation with friends. The acting was horrendous ( The lead girl who was fantastic in 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose' couldn't have been more dire and fake if she had tried), the story was predictable and shabby - A girl goes to spend a night filming a fire crew and they all end up getting infected by a virus in a buliding and the shooting of the movie was just plain bad. How the director ever thought this would be a good idea I will never know, and as a result we get a lovely mess of a 'horror' movie where we couldn't give a flying duck if any of the characters live or die. Although grossly put off by this shambles I am still willing to give the Spanish version a go, for unlike the American directors, the Spanish directors seem to have a grasp on how to actually scare people in a scary film, rather than making them burst out laughing like I did.

Rating 1/5

Mum and Dad - 2008

Parents can be bloody murder

I had a strange fascination to watch this film and so when I found it cheap on DVD I grabbed the chance to spend the night under the covers scared out my mind. I was certainly scared, and this movie is not for the faint-hearted. The idea that being with your parents is supposed to be the safest place in the world is brutally crushed here as a young Polish girl is taken pity on by her friendly co-worker when she mises her last bus home and taken back to stay with her parents who end up abusing and torturing her as a form of family initiation. There are many twisted scenes in this film and you do need a strong stomach, I myself can usually deal with pretty grotesque horror but some of the scenes did make me want to be sick. I can't decide if the acting is brilliant or dreadful, it appears to be very improvised and amateur, but whichever way it leans, this movie still has a rightful place on your horror shelf next to 'Last House on the Left'.

Rating 3/5

Changeling - 2008

One of the worst tragedies to come out of the Federal Police System.

What a gut-wrenching and heart-breaking movie, proof that Angelina Jolie can act and that Clint Eastwood is a brilliant director. This is based on the true story of Christine Collins who, after returning home from work one day finds that her son has disappeared. After a long and fruitless search a boy is returned to her claiming to be her son - he is not her son, and what happens afterwards is a remarkably tragic and painful glimpse into the corruption of the Police system. I will go ahead and nominate this movie as the highlight of last year. The performances are amazing and the film is beautifully and movingly shot. Fantastic.

Rating 5/5

Bolt - 2008

TV just took a reality check.

I was surprised at this movie. It was really very funny and the story actually seemed mature for such a children-based film. Bolt the dog has believed for ever since he can remember that he was born to serve his 'human' with his super powers, when in fact his whole life is staged as a TV show and his 'human' is actually an actress. There is a hint of 'The Truman Show' here, with the idea of a person's life being monitered without their permission and although Bolt is a canine not a human he still possesses the same feelings. Add a hilarious obsessed hamster in a ball and you have a really well animated and well presented offering from the Master of Disney.

Rating 4/5

Black Widow - 1987

She mates and she kills.

I have never really been a fan of Debra Winger. I've always seen her as a bit of a boring actress to be honest, and my opinion didn't really change after watching this offering from the late 80s about an agent on the case of a beautiful women she believes to be a black widow who goes from rich husband to rich husband, killing as she goes. I must say I found Theresa Russell's performance pretty good, whilst Debra Winger's was nothing but mediocre. A typical 80s movie, with a lot of over-acting and not a good enough plot but still worth a look.

Rating 3/5

Basic Instinct - 2006

Her biggest desire is danger.

I really enjoyed the first Basic Instinct, and although Sharon Stone may be getting on a bit now she can still deliver a spell-binding performance. In fact I think this was even better than the first. Sure the movie still has an oddly familiar '80s' vibe about it but there is plenty of modern-day type excitement and a few raunchy scenes. I don't know about Sharon Stone being a brilliant actress, because I don't believe that she is, but I do believe that she has a certain unmatchable presence on stage which is present in all her movies. I love her 'evil bitch' persona that she carries in this film and I think this film IS Sharon Stone, not merely a movie with her participating as an actress.

Rating 4/5