Strait-Jacket - 1964 * * *

This wasn't a bad film but as Joan Crawford horrors go ( think 'Whatever Happened...' and 'Hush, Hush') it didn't compare. I found the best part of the movie to be the end where the twist knocks you totally out. Joan Crawford is still a very good actress despite having been at her peak 30 years beforehand but I feel she just seems a bit washed out now in this which is a shame as it could have been good. She was a gorgeous female in her young days and admired by many people for her looks and her talent but here it was quite sad to see how she's turned out. (In 'Whatever Happened...' she reportedly looked so dreadful and clown-like in her makeup that it was a relief for all when the movie was released in black and white although it was still pretty obvious that she needed a fair amount of slap to cover up her by now wrinkled face). Joan Crawford is one of those stars that I feel should have retired from the public eye at her peak and left everyone drooling after how beautiful she was instead of dragging out her last few years in movies that didn't really do her any justice. Better to leave on a high ie Jean Harlow, Marilyn and James Dean than to never know when your time is up.

Apologies for the long rant that is nothing to do with the film, but it is my blog!

The Titfield Thunderbolt - 1952 * * * *

Well really what can you expect from the good old guys from Ealing comedy? A lovely gentle and decent comedy that will actually make you care about the characters. Starring Stanley Holloway and lovely mild mannered John Gregson who I think is brilliant in 'Genevieve' this film follows the dedicated residents of Titfield who, after hearing that British rail is closing their beloved railway they decide to buy it and run it themselves. Of course there are obstacles from the other side who are determined to stop this outrage but this small group of determined and dedicated people makes it their sole mission to get the railway up and running again. A light and good-natured comedy that could be watched with the entire family which rarely happens these days and with a great cast ( most of the staples of the other Ealing films are present here).

The Sure Thing - 1985 * * *

This is quite a funny film. John Cusack is very young in it and in a way that makes him more appealing although I liked him a lot in '1408' and that was only recently really ( well the last ten years or so).

Walter is a young high school student who goes to visit his friend in California in the winter holidays on account of there being a hot woman (the sure thing) waiting for him. He had not counted on being stuck with the uninteresting, conservative and swotty Allison who is also heading out to California to see her boyfriend. As you can imagine the typical storyline goes ahead and the two end up falling for each other ( well come on I'm not spoiling it, it's obvious.) This pattern seems to be repeated constantly throughout films nowadays and I guess this must have been one of the first 'rom-com' films where this whole 'swotty girl falls for jocky guy' ( think 'She's All That' 2001 for a later re-doing or 'Never Been Kissed' ) situation has taken place.

All in all it was a funny film, and not too hard going so watch if you aren't looking for something with a lot of meaning ( you hardly find any in romantic comedies anyway.)

Coco Before Chanel - 2009 * *

With Audrey Tautou playing the lead how could this film fail? Well it's not that it failed exactly, more that it didn't concentrate enough on how Coco launched her mega famous clothes line that is now still idolized the world over. The parts we were shown ( Coco's upbringing with her sister and their quests to find happiness with men) weren't bad, but still slightly too drawn out. I did find myself getting a tad bored after watching Coco and her sister go on and on about eligible men for what seemed like ages and to top it all off ( if you know her story,) major parts of her relationships and life were left out which seems a totally idiotic concept to me. We spent ages watching her slow progression through her younger years and then all of a sudden we are plunged into the famous life of Coco Chanel - The Fashion Icon, followed shortly by the end credits. For someone who was interested to see how Coco went about starting her company I felt this was a bit of a cheap shot and didn't serve it's purpose. I'm glad I only rented it instead of buying it. On a plus side Audrey Tautou is gorgeous and like a French Audrey Hepburn.

Jennifer's Body - 2009 * * 1/2

When I started watching this film I actually thought it was going to turn out well. I know that Megan Fox is well known for not being able to string a sentence together ( just as well she's very beautiful) but I had heard she was actually really good in this.

To be honest half the time I couldn't tell if she was just being herself or trying to act in a weird, spaced out way ( and no it's nothing to do with the fact she's a weird demonic vampire-type creature which you could probably imagine would make you feel more than spaced out) that she thought was good acting. The story follows Jennifer, the beautiful and conceited cheerleader who all the boys fancy and her best friend, the quiet and retiring 'Needy' (played by Amanda Seyfried). Although being best friends they couldn't really be more different and when Jennifer persuades Needy to come with her to watch a new band play in a bar hoping to score with one of them the night takes on a strange and terrifying twist ( to them, not to us).

Some of the film is a bit eerie but most is just ridiculously stupid serving for nothing other than a platform to show Megan Fox off in a series of revealing outfits to the giggling teenage boys who have crept into the film illegaly to have a gawp. Not really a girl's film which is a shame as it eliminates half the population but still, films nowadays are all about the 'a** not the acting.'

Julie and Julia - 2009 * * * * *

One of the best films I have seen this year that made me crave cookbooks and bizarre ingredients. Based on two true stories that were interlocked together this story follows Julie Powell (played excellently by Amy Adams) in 21st Century America who decides on a wim that as her 30th birthday is approaching and she hasn't done anything of note so far in her life she will cook her way through Julia Child's 'Mastering the Art of French Cooking' in a year and blog about it at the same time.

As she becomes more and more engrossed in her cooking her relationship and job are both effected, causing her to make some major changes in her life. This is the 'main' story, although really I think both areas are given equal attention. The second story which parallels the first is based on the life of ground-breaking American cook Julia Child ( Meryl Streep shines through yet again) who dreams of bringing French Cooking into the home of the American Housewife. Her husband stands by her devotedly as they move to France for Julia to join Cookery College (an unheard of occupation for a woman in the 1940s) and supports her as she embarks on a huge career.

The mixture of both stories and the way Julie relates to Julia's work is amazing and had me rushing to Amazon.co.uk afterwards in order to look up Julia Child's most famous book. Anyone will like this film, but it helps especially if you are obsessed with food ( I definitely am!) and like taking risks with your cooking. One I will be buying to enjoy again and again.

Honey - 2003 * * *

I liked this film mainly for the dance routines but for not much else. And for Missy Elliott's mini cameo ( it lastly under 5 minutes in the whole thing so not much to write home about) Apart from that it just annoyed me. Jessica Alba made her name in this and her name was from then on a household name all around America. Men desperate for her and women desperate to be like her yadda yadda. However I can't see anything credible to say about it or her for that matter. Jessica Alba cannot act, she's incredibly preppy and over-the-top and her character adopted this bizarre 'I must help everyone who is less fortunate than me' stanza which seemed totally unlike her 'gangster, hip hop' character.

Her character Honey ( if that isn't a 'hoe' name in the 'hood' then I don't know what is) works in a dance club where she serves drinks and socialises with the customers, that is until the bell chimes for her end of shift and she rushes out onto the dance-floor to do weird, jutty movements and roll around on the floor soaking up the applause from the other dancers. By day she teaches ... you guessed it..a dance class for what I could only describe as 'disadvantaged lower class children'. Of course the children are all superb at dancing ( it's an unspoken rule in films like this that all poor children are great dancers, especially the boys with 'Lakers' t-shirts) and Honey really gets to yet again show off that she can wind and wiggle her body along to the latest music. During the film she meets some little kids who are having ... you guessed it.. a dance off outside the club she works at and she makes it her sole mission to help them all, while at the same time making it big in.. you guessed it... music videos where she will be dancing.

I mean this film is okay and I'm glad I've seen it but its nothing compared to something like 'Center Stage' which I think is superb so maybe I had better stay away from hip hop movies from now on.

Let the Right One In - 2008 * *

Why why why are people raving about this film after 2 years? In fact why did they rave about it when it first came out?? I tried to watch this film last year and gave up early on but recently I felt that I maybe misjudged it and should give it another go and so a few nights ago I did. And I felt exactly the same, except for the fact that I had to deal with the whole film this time as opposed to just a 1/4 of it. What was Tomas Alfredson thinking? Except for the haunting backdrop of the continuously freezing Swedish winter I really couldn't find anything of credit to excite me. The film circles around Oskar, a bullied and timid boy who spends his days at school being a target for horrible pranks and jokes amoung his classmates and his nights reading up on knives and murder weapons, hoping against hope that one day he will be able to put them to use.

One evening he meets the mysteriously and other-worldly Eli who can't eat or stand the sunlight. Gradually the pair form a bond that is to carry them through the ups and downs of the next few months.

Sounds like a good story? Well I thought so as well, but it's not the case, as the film moves so slowly that you can actually wander off to make a cuppa and come back to find you haven't missed a thing. Very little really happens for most of the film, but when it does happen it all happens at once in a sort of 'blink and you've missed it' pattern which leaves you feeling very dissatisfied and empty. Added to which the blossoming relationship between Oskar and Eli is not realistic at all, and you find yourself wondering if there is actually supposed to be any kind of chemistry, because they both act around each other like they are complete strangers.

I seriously don't understand the worldwide acclaim and excitement going for this movie and think that if audiences are really captivated by a story like this then the current state of film is in real trouble.

PS please don't start thinking I am someone who needs over the top action or violence to enjoy a film, (hence my long list of reviews already completed) but when a film is so incredibly slow and the acting is so wooden there is very little else I can think.

Easy Virtue - 2008

‘Easy Virtue’ sounded right up my street when I first heard about it. Based on one of Noel Coward’s brilliantly constructed plays I couldn’t see how it could go wrong. The film was originally filmed and directed by Alfred Hitchcock over 80 years ago and now taken on by Stephan Elliot (better known for directing Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which gives us some prior warning as to how the film would progress.)
With a stellar cast including English heartthrob Colin Firth and American superstar Jessica Biel it seemed like the perfect antidote for a Saturday night in.
The first thing that disappointed me was how badly the characters interacted with one another. Kirsten Scott Thomas played the overbearing and ice-cold mother Mrs Veronica Whittaker with such gusto and passion that I found myself completely despising her character ( I think that is a good sign) and hoping that she wouldn’t take up too much of the film. Jessica Biel plays the fun-loving and glamorous Larita who marries Mrs Whittaker’s son John impulsively whilst on a racing car tour in Monaco. Understandably John is keen to show off his new bride to his family in England and takes Larita to his parents’ large and daunting mansion. However Larita has no idea that John is in line to be the next Whittaker to take over the house and proceeds to completely wreck Veronica’s ideal perception of her daughter-in-law by reading adult and explicit literature, refusing to go fox hunting and wearing outfits that Veronica finds repulsive.
Colin Firth’s performance unfortunately seemed totally washed out and exhausted in this movie which is a shame because he is usually on top form playing genteel society men (just look at him in Pride and Prejudice!).
I found myself likening this to plays by Oscar Wilde, although I found Wilde’s work to be lighter, more jovial and much easier on the eye. A film worth seeing for the gentle comedy and lovely location, but leave the genius of the double-entendre and side-splitting humour to Oscar Wilde.

Blue Crush - 2002 * * *

This wasn't a bad film, and for surf enthusiasts it was amazing. The surf scenes are top-notch and there is a fair amount of action mingled in as well. Kate Bosworth plays the main surfer who's dream is to make it big as the world-wide Surfer champion. However along the way she compromises her job, her friendships and herself. A good movie, but maybe I didn't get as much out of it as I don't know anything about surfing. However I remember wanting to watch this when it came out at the theatre 8 years ago so there must have been something good about it.

Precious - 2009 * * * *

What an amazing and totally controversial film. Precious is a morbidly obese, illiterate, angry teenager who is consistently raped by her father and abused by her mother. Expecting her second child by her dad she is enrolled on a special course in a different school to help her gain her education whilst managing her problems. The course is one thing, but having to deal with her mother when she gets home is something else. A totally scandalous film played very bravely by the lead girl who wasn't ashamed to show off her shape, this does deserve a wacth, plus Mariah Carey stars as her psychologist and I didn't even recognise her until the credits!

Doubt - 2008 * * *

This is a strange film. One that I'm sure if I watched a few times I would begin to find loads of spiritual symbolism in. The only trouble is I don't think I could stand to watch it again. The performances are brilliant, that is not what I don't like. I don't like the fact that there is no resolution to the film, and the event which is supposedly making up the whole premise of the movie ( the priest abusing the child) is barely given a look in. We are plunged immediately into the after effects of the supposed event with no idea ourselves how or when it has happened. I just think that the film doesn't concentrate enough on the part it's supposed to. Meryl Streep is amazing as the sinister and fear-inducing Sister Aloysius and Philip Seymour Hoffman excellent as the Priest suspected of abuse. Several parts of this film, although supposedly set in 1960s don't seem to make sense ( did they have chicken chow mein then? and portable radios that looked like i-pods?). Not really sure if it is deserving of 5 Golden Globe nominations.

Alice - 1990 * * * *

I've never really liked Mia Farrow until now, I always found her one of the most annoying actresses on the planet, especially in 'See No Evil.' She was brilliant in this.

Alice is a Manhattenite who is becoming suitably depressed by her marriage to her high-flying husband who never seems to notice her. On a visit to school to collect her children one day she sparks an instant attraction to a man also there to collect his child. This attraction manifests itself constantly in Alice's thoughts and effects her so badly that she develops backache because of it. She is referred to a herbal practitioner named Dr Yang who hypnotises her, and then finds out about her attraction to the mystery man.

This is a strange film, but has Woody Allen's mark all over it and that's good enough for me.

Whatever Works - 2009 * * * *

This film has been slated continuously since it's release and I must say I loved it. Starring that bloke from 'Curb your enthusiasm' it's bizarre and slightly creepy undertone makes this film like marmite, you either love it or hate it.

Boris is a moody and unsociable chess player who has no interest in any women or any relationship until he meets 21 year old Melodie by chance after finding her outside his home one evening. Although having nothing in common and despite the age difference Melodie and Boris get married. Melodie constantly trying to understand and share Boris's anti-people view of the world and Boris trying to make Melodie understand his political and intellectual perspective.

Woody Allen is still on top form with this movie and brings many laughs.

L'Avventura - 1960 * * * *

L'Avventura is one of the weirdest and most haunting films I have seen in a very long time. From Michaelangelo Antonioni who brought us the equally mesmerising and iconic 'Blow Up' this is an expertly put together motion picture that leaves you thinking about it for ages and ages afterwards. A small group of friends go for a day out on their boat and decide to spend the afternoon on the rocks of the island nearby. During the course of the afternoon one of the women who earlier played a heartless prank on the others disappears. I won't spoil any of the story for you but rest assured you are in for a tense and heart-stopping film, although my only criticism is that parts of the story are too drawn out and slow. After watching this film I have come to the conclusion that 'The Adventure' is not so much about the missing person but about the adventure the remaining relationships that she leaves behind become a part of. This is one of those films that many people who are into modern films critisise; not a huge amount of action takes place and we are instead left to confront the emotional relationships with the characters throughout the movie. This however is the kind of film I relish because of exactly that. Added to which there is this very weird sort of mysterious vibe throughout the whole movie that gives it a haunting element ( the black and white tone compliments it brilliantly). I have not seen the film with commentary but feel if I did it would elevate my 4 stars to a full fledged 5.

The Ghost - 2004 *

This is nothing like 'The Grudge' for a start although it is apparently a mixture of 'The Grudge' and 'Dark Water'! For one The Grudge is actually scary and is a well plotted horror film whereas this film is simply a big mess! The story is all over the place, the characters are the most annoying I have ever seen in an Asian horror movie and there is so much countless screaming and breathing heavily in this film that it gives you a headache after a while! Is it supposed to make up for the ghastly plot and distract you from wanting to pull your hair out?? This film is just a big mixture of lots of Asian horror movies, but it's all the very worst parts of them leaving nothing credible to call it's own. A total failure. I hope the next Tartan Asia I watch doesn't disappoint me so as the last two ( this and Silk) have really let me down.

Silk - 2006 * *

The idea for this film is actually a very good one. A group of scientists come up with an invention that allows them to moniter a real ghost by capturing it's energy. They do this with a little boy who then proceeds to continuously act out his mundane life before he died in front of their eyes which is exactly what they had hoped, however the boy cannot see them unless they catch his eye, which can be a lot harder to prevent than you would think. Some very eerie scenes involving the little boy but overall a bit slow for my liking as we don't spend enough time with the boy and spend the majority of the film with the other less interesting characters.

Clownhouse - 1989 * * *

Let's get one thing straight - clowns terrify me. I don't care how happy and genuinely funny they are, they freak me out so much I can't be anywhere near them. There is something so sinister about a clown with a painted on smile, as though beneath the smile there is an evil personality.
Because of this I have always had reservations about watching horror movies with clowns in fearing I would be so scared I woul have to switch the set off. However last week I made the conscious decision to sit through this film, and on my own to top it off! And I managed it!
This seems like the sort of film that young boys would sneak in to see on a friday night at the cinema but it really scared me. The whole concept of the story is based on a circus with three popular clowns who quite early on get massacred by three evil ones, who then take on their personas and costumes. A group of friends spend ages trying to scare each other with scary stories of clowns and one of the boys suddenly realises that the three 'cute' clowns are in fact very bad indeed. One of the scenes towards the end really terrifies me involving the boys house, in fact that's the kind of nightmare I would frequently have when I was younger and it's obvious the film makers know this as a popular children's nightmare. I was so pleased after finishing this film and realising that I was still alive that I went straight to sleep and didn't have any nightmares about the movie at all!

Paranormal Entity - 2009 * * *

Well I'm not sure how to rate this film. Aside from the fact that it's not 'based on real footage' it is not based on any real events either. I don't see why film makers decide that the only way they can market a film is to tell everyone the events have happened before. It just seems to show that the film can't be that likely to do well if there needs to be a lie to sell it properly.

Anyway as regards to the film itself it's pretty scary, although not a lot happens except a bloke wandering around with his camcorder filming unusual events like his sister lying in bed or his mother going crazy. Because you don't actually see anything I guess it's even more eerie but I just couldn't get past the fact that it was supposedly a blatent rip-off of Paranormal Activity.

It's worth a watch, but only just.

The Countess - 2009 * *

I tried not to watch this and 'Bathory' too close together as I didn't want one to hinder the other, but as it happens it didn't make any difference, for both of them were pretty bad. Maybe 'The Countess' was just a bit worse than the earlier one though. Julie Delphy is beautiful and a talented actress, and her actual portrayal of Erzebet Bathory was pretty darn good, but there just wasn't much going for the film. Everything just chugs along at a mediocre speed and only towards the end are we really introduced to the Countess's bizarre and sadistic streak. Having read quite a bit about the life of the Countess I found the whole approach to her crimes was taken ridiculously lightly. We are somehow supposed to believe that she doesn't have a bad streak in her and that she really is only thinking of her appearance in a sort of unselfish way. This is totally unrealistic as we know that she was a crazy, cold-hearted killer who didn't think twice about draining girls of their blood and so makes the film slightly off-kilter. Also, (not wanting to spoil the end) we are shown a completely fabricated and fake outcome to the last scene which really enraged me.

The cinematography and the beautiful scenery were the only plus points of the film and they each receive one star.

Silkwood - 1984 * * *

What happened to Karen Silkwood?

Karen Silkwood's fate is one of mystery and tragedy. The 28 year old's life was cut short after she crashed her car mysteriously into a tree one night after driving to a meeting regarding highly radioactive plutonium.

The whole area of Karen Silkwood's life is very bizarre and shrouded in intrigue.

Karen was one of the only people who actually wanted to change the way the Kerr-McGee plant (where she worked) was run and disagreed highly with how the company handled it's plutonium and how shabbily the staff are handling the safety reports which are sometimes forged in an effort to get more done in little time. When Karen finds this out she is immediatly alienated and humiliated consistently at in a way to get her to be quiet. When Karen is contaminated with the plutonium she finds out that the negatives of the photographs showing the metal that has caused her to become contaminted have been changed and she feels she can't keep her mouth shut any longer, with tragic results.

Meryl Streep is superb as Karen Silkwood and acts her part so painstakingly that you believe they are one and the same person. A film that needs to be seen, if only to uncover Karen's life.

Body Heat - 1981 * * * *

Kathleen Turner yet again captures the screen in this sizzling and hot film noir in colour. William Hurt, a lawyer gets caught up with sexy femme fatale Kathleen Turner who is supposedly caught in an unhappy marriage. The 2 begin a passionate affair and Hurt decides he will do anything for her, even commit murder. This film just oozes sexuality and heat. You can literally taste the stifling heat in the city as the men from the office stop off in coffee bars to have lunch in their 50s style shirts and smoke their vintage cigarettes. There is something about this film that looks strangely dated. But in a good way. This is the best modern thriller/noir movie I have seen in a long time.

Nine 1/2 weeks - 1986 * *

I broke every rule by watching this. Every rule where it says viewers should concentrate on good movies as opposed to hideous and badly unscripted pieces of film.

To put it bluntly, this movie had no storyline except 2 people who meet by chance one day and decide to have as much sex as possible in the next 2 months or so totally disregarding the fact that they don't have anything else in common and don't even seem to like each other. I have no idea why this film is noted as one of the great 80s films to see! All I can think is that audiences in the 80s were temporarily braindead if this constitutes good cinema. Only entertaining for men I would imagine.

Cinderella 2:Dreams Come True - 2002 * *

No, no, no. So far I have been really disappointed with sequels to Disney films. They are just dire in compariosn to the originals. I think the reason is that the originals are so brilliant and flawless that anything else is just a waste of time. Added to which the sequel makers really aren't trying anyway so we are left with a stupid unfunny and unappealing film. Trust me, there is no point in watching this, and if you aren't put off by that, be put off by the idiotic squeaking mice who take up almost the entire movie.

Crimes of Passion - 1984 * * * *

I'll be honest. I went into this movie with the idea that it was going to be pretty dire. Boy was I wrong! Kathleen Turner sizzles on the screen as the alluring China Blue, a prostitute who gives men everything they want, except herself. Anthony Perkins (whom I barely recognised as the psychotic Norman Bates from Psycho)was on top form as a manic priest out to 'save' China Blue with any means possible. Although it's not exactly a purely religious experience. The whole movie is disjointed, manic, and bizarre like a 60s acid trip, and I absolutely loved it. Cult classic? I think so.

Possession - 2009 * * *

Fear never dies.

This is a very bizarre movie. I can understand the premise for it and there are some very scary parts. However the film itself doesn't make any sense. Sarah Michelle Gellar plays the lead role ( I haven't seen her in anything since the gastly 'Southland Tales') and does as good a job as she can with the material she is given. She is in a loving marriageth her husband Ryan whilst his disturbing and strange brother Roman takes up space in their house eating and drinking everything in sight. One day this all changes when Ryan and Roman are involved in a dreadful car crash which leaves them both in a coma. But then something very strange happens. This is what I don't understand - (SPOILERS) - the body of Ryan regains consciousness and yet Jess ( Gellar) can only see Roman when she speaks to him. To us the viewers all we can see is Ryan who has Ryan's traits and Ryan's personality but apparently that is not what Jess is seeing! That for me just messed up the whole idea of the film.

Salvage - 2009 * * *

This was a surprisingly good effort from British film-makers. And what amde it good was the reality. At the beginning we see a moody teenage begrudgingly being taken by her dad to spend Christmas with her mother. About 15 minutes later all hell breaks loose.

The whole 'this could reall happen' element is present the whole time and that is what makes it even more disturbing. Plus the acting is really very good. I love films where the director hasn't chosen idiotically beautiful people with no acting ability and gone on talent instead. This certainly isn't the case here. There are some genuinely scary parts in this. Very relevant to today's events.

Deconstructing Harry - 1997 * * * *

I love Woody Allen. I think he is a total genius and I adore his style of directing, producing and acting in his films. What many people dislike about him I lap up, eager for more. The way he can make a scene look like it has just been improvised on the spot and his nervous and nerdy exterior is perfect. He also has some really brilliant ideas in film-making and you can tell how much of a film he has been an active part in when you watch it. I am aware that he plays pretty much the same panicked looking character in all his films but again that is what I like about him. I love to be able to recognise that it is a Woody Allen film from the start.

This movie is really about writer's block. And the writer is Woody Allen. His books are written with no regard to his friends or family whom he thinly veils by changing simply one letter in their name when he lists all their negative points. As you can tell this doesn't win him any brownie points and most of the film seems to mix the reality of his life as a writer and the life of his characters. I love how it switches from one reality to the other so fast. In his mind, both seperate lives are equally real to him which makes it all very confusing. At the same time his strong feelings for a woman he meets in the real world becomes tangled with the relationship of ihs characters in his fantasy world. An excellent idea, an original idea and of course if Woody Allen is involved then it's a prize-winning idea. A brilliant cast is like the icing on the cake with this type of movie. Woody Allen is supported by Elizabeth Shue, Kirstie Alley, Billy Crystal and a young looking Tobey Maguire. He nearly always gives the largest parts to other stars and stands back a little to admire his work but in this thankfully he took the reigns and made the entire movie based on himself.

Immediately after watching this I was online downloading another handful of his films, hoping that I would find yet another gem amoungst them. So far I haven't seen a single dud in all the films of his that I have seen (whether they were him as a director, a producer or an actor), and I don't think it is likely to happen. He is just a one off.

Postcards From the Edge - 1990 * * * *

Having a wonderful time. Wish I were here.

This movie is predominately about substance abuse and how it can really ruin your life. It's also a good spoof of Hollywood stars who turn up to work too out of their face to function properly and how it affects their careers. However it is also very funny and touching, and Meryl Streep is brilliant as always. She plays Suzanne, a washed out and drugged up actress who is continuously losing work because of her addiction to prescription drugs. Her mother (played by Shirley McLaine) is still caught up on her own life being a waste and finds it hard to communicate with her daughter without insulting how she lives her life. However at the same time she is fiercly dedicated to Suzanne and is constantly sticking up for her and there for her when her drug-taking gets too much. (It strikes me that this peculiar and overbearing mother and daughter relationship is very like that of 'Terms of Endearment)

I really liked this movie and am pleased to find a film that is never mentioned today but surprisingly gives a spot on example of how celebrity can destroy someone's life. Nothing new there then.

Dead Girl - 2008 *

You'll never have anything better.

Ok, first off, if you aren't put off by the totally idiotic title for this film then it may be hard to influence you later on. I must say I was put off but I still went ahead anyway having no clue what was to await me.

I'm going to keep this brief because life is too short for films like this. Basically a couple of boys go to an abandoned hospital to get high and find a girl seemingly dead and naked chained up to an operating table. In the dark. Yeah really. After touching her up a bit she appears to open her eyes, a sign to them that she must be alive. However after a series of events invloving shooting her a few dozen times and finding her exactly the same as before they start to realise that maybe she is dead. Well the undead. And who better to have sex with than a naked zombie who is chained up and can't struggle. So they do. Again, and again. Need I go on?

DO NOT BOTHER.

My Sister's Keeper - 2009 * * * *

What a heart-breaking movie! I've heard so much about this film and also the praise that has gone for Jodi Picoult's book. Abigail Breslin is just a fantastic little actress and keeps going on and on to do better things in her career. Cameron Diaz was brilliant as the neurotic and over-bearing mother and Joan Cusack was also on top form as usual ( has she ever been in a dud film?) as the Judge.

Kate has leukemia, and is dying. Her parents speak to a doctor who tells them that the only way they may be able to save her life is to give birth to a special child that they can use as a sort of donor. Her point on earth will be to be given tests and to have parts of her body like bone marrow extracted so that her sister can benefit. However as the child grows she decides that she likes living and doesn't want to sacrifice herself for anybody.

Some incredibly poignant moments make this film one of the most heart-wrenching I have seen for a long time.

Tower of London - 1962 *

I feel almost embarassed to say anything negative about a Hammer Horror film. However I can't say anything good about this awful excuse for a film based around the Royal Family in the Tower of London. I can't even applaud Vincent Price for remaking this from his earlier 30s film of the same name. Price is a hugely comical and enjoyable actor to watch and it is quite sad to see him in something that clearly doesn't show off his talent. The story is a bit of a mess really and I was glad when it was over. Not one I would desire to see ever again.

Portrait of Jennie - 1948 * * *

This is one of those films that you barely hear about these days. You constantly hear about Casablanca and Hitchcock and The Third Man but never this. And why? This is a very smart film, and a very haunting film. Joseph Cotton is one of my favourite actors and was sorely underrated in his time. The story revolves around a failing artist whose chance encounter with a mysterious girl named Jennie changes his life forever. The music is very eerie and parts of it are similar to the other mysterious movie 'Rebecca.'

Lillian Gish also has a small role later on in the film, see if you can spot her. Obviously however, the best part of the movie is the chemistry of Cotton and Jones. They are meant to act on screen together and as it was this was their 4th movie collaboration together. A lovely and beautiful film and one that should be acknowledged in this day and age.

The Divorcee - 1930 * * * * *

One of the first films to burst through into the well known 'talkie' era, this movie proves controversial and amazing to watch even now. I have never seen Norma Shearer in anything but had heard great things about her. She strikes me as this headstrong and independent woman who is up there with the likes of Katherine Hepburn and Barbara Stanwyck. I'm hooked on her. Why is it that all these amazing actresses have equally amazing films, most of which are barely available to the likes of me. What a waste.
Shearer plays Gerry, a fun-loving party girl who marries the love of her life Ted, to the happiness of all her friends. But a few years into the marriage it is clear that Ted is not happy just being a one woman man. Gerry decides to reward him in turn.

Just a brilliant movie, a daring movie and a beautifully shot movie showing us really a unique insight into the end of the 20s ( some of the New Years Eve scenes almost look like real footage) yet with all the wit and sarcasm of modern day film. Also it's so short that you can do with watching it twice.

My Blue Heaven - 1990 * *

I seem to be seeing an abundance of bad movies at the moment. This was a dreadful excuse for a comedy and Steve Martin just reassured me that I really can't stand him. The only film he has ever made me laugh in is 'The Man with Two Brains' and this is nothing like it.

From what I can gather Martin plays an ex con put into the witness protection program to start a new life in a new area. He meets Joan Cusack ( who I love!) and her brood and begins to get closer and closer to her. Rick Moranis ( wasn't he the guy from 'Honey I shrunk the Kids'?) plays from what I can gather Martin's lawyer or someone to that equivalent. To be honest I really lost interest in this movie before half way but I managed to struggle to the end. Other reviewers go on about how Martin portrays a hilarious spoof of a gangster (his life is actually based on Harry Hill of Goodfellas fame) and how perfect he is for the role but I really don't see it. Sorry. A miss for me.

Shallow Grave - 1994 * *

What's a little murder between friends?

This is apparently a cult classic. One that people really connect with and find something different in each time. I felt the total opposite. I can't actually believe this is by the same bloke who directed the brilliantly absurd and bizarre Trainspotting. He was obviously having a slump.

Ewan McGregor is annoying, Christopher Eccleston is annoying and Kerry Fox is probably the most annoying of them all.

3 Friends want to find a housemate to help them pay their bills and accordingly they find someone who they think is the perfect candidate. Except on the 1st morning they find him dead, sprawled naked on his bed. And then they find the money. Sounds like a good idea for a movie but it's dreadfully executed and really uninspiring. Not a cult classic. Not even a classic.

The Tooth Fairy - 2010 * *

The tooth hurts.

This was a gastly movie. It barely raised a smile from me and the whole premise was ridiculous. Saying that I am an adult and not a little girl so maybe if I was 5 or 6 I would appreciate it more. Dwayne Johnson plays the unimaginative boyfriend of Ashley Judd who one night tells her small daughter that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy. Big Mistake.

From then on he is sentenced to a week's hard labour as a real tooth fairy by Tooth Fairy boss Julie Andrews. Stephen Merchant pops up as his personal assistant to give support whenever he needs it ( he is maybe the one good thing about the movie) and ends up having to re-evaluate his own life. Billy Crystal has a small part which brightens up the movie a bit but on the whole it's a bit of a sorry excuse for a comedy. I think really that either a film based on a topic such as this should really concentrate on being soley for children or go the other way and be a proper comedy instead of lingering somewhere in limbo where it's slightly disturbing.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - 2004 * *

I'm generally not sure what to say about this movie. I knew that it would be weird simply from the name and the fact that it is directed by the same bloke who inflicted 'The Royal Tenenbaums' on us but I had no idea it would be this weird.

Bill Murray is a great comical actor and films like 'Groundhog Day' and 'Scrooged' really make the most of his talents. But I felt here that his character was just not giving Murray enough.

We follow Steve Zissou as he embarks on a journey to the bottom of the sea to find, capture and kill the curious spotted shark that ate his best friend then disappeared a few years ago. Rather strange you say; well yes it really is. On the way he meets his long lost son ( Owen Wilson of course had to have a part in this movie as he seems to with all movies by this director), a pregnant lesbian reporter played excellently by Cate Blanchett and battles with his estranged wife Anjelica Huston over the absurdity of the whole thing.

Some scenes are really lovely i.e. when the group are underwater and we see lots of computerised yet beautifully bizarre rare fish but mostly the film has no comic value and seems to serve only as an important quest film. I much prefered 'The Darjeeling Limited' ( in fact I loved that) to this as I found enough in all areas to keep me occupied whereas this was so surreal most of the time that I wasn't able to really connect with it. Que the millions of fans who's day I have just put a damper on because I didn't rate this as a masterpiece.

She's Crushed - 2009 * *

Some are victims, some are predators, some are both.

A dreadfully acted movie with a ridiculous 'Fatal Attraction' aura about it. The main star Tara is particularly unattractive and therefore makes the whole obsessive girl chasing boy ( also very unattractive) scenario almost laughable. Half of the film is filmed like its on a tripod which is very strange considering the other half looks quite professional. I don't mind which medium it is filmed in as long as the director stays that way from start to finish.

I really can't say anything good about this film, except that it does serve it's fair amount of scares which was the idea.

The Scarlet Pimpernel - 1935 * * * *

I've only ever seen Richard E. Grant's Scarlet Pimpernel Series on the tv and remember it fondly. I love Merle Oberon and Leslie Howard however and they really shone in this. After the rather disastrous Pygmalion I was rather dubious of finding Howard serious in anything but he really did this role justice. His character was a perfect mixture of sarcasm, dry wit and courage and I thought he played his part exeedingly well. Merle Oberon was the beautiful but vain Lady Blakeney who is blissfully unaware of The Scarlet Pimpernel's real identity. Raymond Massey brings added support and altogether a very enjoyable movie. Reminded me very much of Dirk Bogarde's 'A Tale of Two Cities.'

The Promotion - 2008 * *

Two guys, one job, no rules.

I went into this film thinking it was something totally different ( for some reason I thought it was The Proposition with Sandra Bullock!) so it was a bit of a shock to see old Seann WS having a main role in it!

Seann William Scott definitely makes me laugh but I can't stop seeing him as someone from the American Pie films where he really shone and so anything else he is in just seems pale in comparison. In this film he's a customer supervisor in a large Wal-Mart type store hoping desperately for a promotion which will offer him more money and stability with his girlfriend. Also a chance to get out of the cramped flat he lives in where he is constantly bothered by the weird banjo-playing sexaholic next door. What he didn't count on was being up against a new supervisor from another store ( John C. Reilly) who appears like a whirlwind and starts changing everything in the store round much to Seann's annoyance. He also has a secret past and an infuriating wife with the most fake Scottish accent I have ever heard. The 2 men realise that they have bitten off more than they can chew and set about doing everything in their power to secure their future.

Some parts are mildly amusing, but I'm fed up with films coming out named 'comedies' when really they should be marketed as 'drama with a few comic tones'!

Swimfan - 2002 * *

Sometimes it's murder getting the man you want.

If I had never seen a film with this premise before ( psycho woman goes after man and ruins his life) then I would have been tempted to rate this highly. However as this isn't a new idea and has been done to death (Fatal Attraction, The Crush, Crush) I can't really get too excited about it.

Jesse Bradford is the school jock Ben, ( there always has to be one in any American horror film, it's getting a tad boring...) who's life is taken over by swimming. He has a nice if not terribly exciting girldfriend called Amy and a group of weird friends ( including yet another jock and 2 outcasty women)and things seem great. However when new girl Madeleine Bell turns up and directs her attentions towards Ben, he just cannot resist ( having no brain or morals of his own except in his trousers) and things get heated yadda yadda. (I've decided to start feeling sorry for the crazy woman instead of the unfaithful git who can't control himself in future films like this if I ever dain to watch another one)You'll know the rest without me telling you and probably even guess the ending so there isn't much point watching this really. Watch Fatal Attraction for the primary film that started this whole obsessive craze off, that's the only one that will get you on the edge of your seat.

Kissing Jessica Stein - 2001 * * *

She's so confused about love that she can't think straight.

This was quite a funny movie and the fact that the 2 lead females wrote, directed and starred in the film needs to be taken into account.

The character of Jessica Stein is one of the most annoying that I have ever had the misfortune to see on film. She is petty, ditzy, far too preoccupied with her image to think of true happiness and seemingly homophobic through half of the film!

She is certainly very watchable albeit whilst we are grimacing but I feel her co-star Helen is a much better and well-rounded excuse for a character. Then there is the weedy and chauvintistic co-worker of Jessica's who never plucks the courage up to say how he feels to her and waits until the last minute when it is too late before he blurts it out. Added to which this film does not have much of a moral or a message, not to give too much away but let's just say the character of Jessica Stein is back to the beginning at the end.

It's one of those movies that the Gay and Lesbian Film Community were agast by, so for that reason at least it's worth a watch, just don't expect too much.

Two Lovers - 2008 * * 1/2

Sometimes we have to leave everything to find ourselves.

Despite the glowing reviews for this movie as the best 'arty film of 2008' I really found myself disappointed. Added to which I spent ages looking for Hilary Swank in the cast list and couldn't find her, only to find this woman Vinessa Shaw was her! The look so alike! But anyway. This is rumoured to be Pheonix's last film and I must say that he certainly won't be going out with a bang! His acting was totally wooden, his character was ridiculously one-dimensional and the end really frustrated me. I'm not sure whether he can't act ( he seemed okay in 'Signs' but that doesn't mean anything) or whether he was such a good actor that he could expertly portray an awful character like that. I was disgusted by Paltrow's pathetic, whiny character who kept having arguments with her lover who also happened to be married with children ( resulting of course in her constantly calling on Pheonix whenever she was upset) and felt dreadfully sorry for Vinessa Shaw's nice and unassuming character who was effectively being used by Pheonix as a back-up.

I'm not sure if this movie is supposed to be trying to explain the way a man thinks ( he would rather clasp on to a drug-taking, adventurous party animal than have a decent and loving relationship with a kind and sensitive person) or is just doing a bad job at trying to amuse a mixed audience capable of seeing stereotypes.

I had hoped for a lot more with this movie but am glad I saw it all the same.

Something to Talk About - 1995 * * * *

A story about husbands, wives, parents, children and other natural disasters.

I've never heard of this movie but for some reason discovered it on my laptop last night. It really was a worthwhile film and Julia Roberts was as always brilliant in her role.

Roberts plays Grace, who after finding out that her husband (played greasily by Dennis Quaid) has been unfaithful to her flees to her parents farm to find herself again. However once her proud and overbearing parents find out the reason for her arrival it sets to turn the whole family upside down. Dennis Quaid was brilliant as the philandering husband who doesn't understand the impact of his actions ( how typically male).

I really enjoyed this and am encouraged to watch more of Julia Roberts' work.

The Yellow Rolls Royce - 1964 * * * *

It all happens in the Yellow Rolls Royce.

Terence Rattigan struck lucky with the idea for this 60s drama ( which I admit I had never heard of!) about 3 seperate groups of people who at one time or another come into contact with the main star of the film - The Yellow Rolls Royce! It really is a beauty,being bought for Rex Harrison's wife in the first segment, being used by Shirley Maclaine as a compromise when her gangster boyfriend has to leave her in the second and being driven into dangerous quarters by Ingrid Bergman in the 3rd. Each plot is well thought out but not long enough to drag, in fact making you want more. The highlights for me are Rex Harrison ( whom I adore in everything) and Ingrid Bergman who is still stunning 20 years on from Casablanca.

A lovely movie that is very underrated, worth a watch.

Bathory - 2008 * * *

She wanted to be beautiful, no matter what the cost.

As one of many who is interested in the grim and dastardly deeds of the Blood Countess of Hungary I lapped up the idea to watch this film. I had hoped it would be a clear and defined account of her coming into power and becoming the monster that she is infamously known as but instead was met by a bizarre story where the murderer is seen as the VICTIM and someone we are supposed to sympathize with.

The director has started up a big debate about the surrounding facts of Erzebet actually trying to convince people that she never commited any of the crimes she was later imprisoned for. With all the research that has spanned hundreds of years there has never been any doubt that she murdered a huge number of young women all for her vanity and so the idea that history should suddenly be changed just on one film's say so is ridiculous. The film really seemed like a bit of a joke although Anna Friel did a good job as Bathory herself. It is split into several parts and this gives it a very strange outlook owing to the fact that I could not really connect with any of the characters.

A great concept for a film but if it's going to be made I feel making one of the most infamous murderesses of all time innocent is never going to bring in a huge crowd.