Born Yesterday - 1950 **

Correct me if I'm wrong, but generally comedies are supposed to be funny yes?

This wasn't funny, and in fact there were some parts that I thought were really distasteful. Added to which I don't know woh ever got the idea that Judy Holliday could act or even speak properly. Now I know where Jean Hagen got her inspiration for her dreadful, squeaky voice for her part of Lina Lamont in 'Singing in the Rain'. Apparently Holliday's character was based around Harlow... Er I've heard Harlow speak and she sounds NOTHING like this person. Harlow has a twang to her voice which makes it appealing, whereas Holliday sounds like her voice is about to break everytime she says more than a few syllables. Her character is continuously annoying, coming across as being thick as two ahort planks, with none of the 'dumb-blonde' appeal that Monroe has. We know that Monroe is in fact intelligent and is cleverly playing her stereotypical characters, whereas with Holliday I could really imagine she was as stupid as she makes out.

I wondered for a time why I hadn't heard anything of Judy Holliday, after all, she comes across as a gorgeous blonde like Monroe or Mansfield in her pictures and is known for making comedies ( same as the other two) but I understand now that the reason I have heard so little about her is because people find her too annoying to talk about!

William Holden was about the only decent thing going in this film, and even he didn't hold my attention long enough to make me enjoy the experience.

Small Time Crooks - 2000 ***1/2

Okay, I''ll admit that this wasn't a bad film, in fact it was a hell of a lot funnier than I had first imagined it would be. Mainly because Woody Allen was actually in the movie which is always a bonus for me. The plot is simple, Allen and three 'associates' decide to rob a bank by opening a cookie shop next door and drilling through the wall bit by bit. Allen enlists the help of his wife to make the cookies in the shop as a cover so that they don't cause suspicion, unaware that her cookies are now the best biscuits the country has ever seen.

It's all very silly and the kind of thing that Allen is known for, but it doesn't stop us from having a few laughs every now and again.

An Inspector Calls - 1954 *****

Many people would have had to study this play at school and I certainly remember doing so, but although that was a long time ago I can still remember how chilling and utterly brilliant the plot was. Maybe the plot is simple, maybe not, but whatever anyone thinks, they cannot deny that we are shown a tale of morals, and how actions effect others.

A family sit down to dinner in their posh and decadent house in 1912, only to be troubled by a man appearing at the door who tells them that he is an inspector, there to discuss the case of a girl who has just died.

One by one, the man picks the family apart as he tells his story, and interestingly he probably says the least of all the characters, yet insinuates the most.

The film is brilliantly plotted and as tense as any new thriller movie may be. I have my own thoughts about the Inspector, which have changed from when I first watched the film all those years ago, but that is the beauty of this film, and it certainly demands a watch every now and again to show us what happens as a result of our actions.

Rasputin, the Mad Monk - 1966 ***

Hammer productions churned out a load of excellent movies during their most popular years, but unfortunately this wasn't one of my favourites, and comparing it to the earlier watched 'Asylum' I can say that this was vastly inferior.

The film is based around the mysterious life of Rasputin, who some people thought of a kind of god for curing people who were ill, and others thought of as a devil-like creature.

I still don't really know what my opinion of him is, but highly doubt that someone could place their hand on someone's forehead and cure them of a deadly disease without having a tiny bit of good in them. I wouldn't watch this again.

Asylum - 1972 *****

I was pleasantly surprised to watch this unknown Amicus Production and find out how much I had enjoyed it!

The story revolves around a man who goes to a mental hospital to apply for a job, and is asked by the owner to identify a man named Dr Starr, who used to be a real doctor before he went insane. If he can correctly identify the Doctor, then he can have the job.

He is then taken by the doctor's assistant to four seperate rooms where 4 people reside, and asked to listen to each of their stories as to why they are now in the hospital before he makes his decision.

The stories are excellent, typical of the Amicus/Hammer style that is so popular.

I must say I did guess who the Doctor was, but nonetheless it was still fun hearing each bizarre story played out in front of me.

A great cast too. The ending is either hilarious or terrifying, whichever way you look at it.

Week End - 1967 *

I know that I didn't 'get' this film. I don't pretend that I did. But I can't deny my dislike of what I did 'get' of it.

Godard appears to have made this film whilst on some illegal drug, serving to ruin the whole experience of what may have been a well-crafted movie if it wasn't being directed all over the place.

Deciding to go away for the weekend, a feuding couple encounter the weirdest and strangest things I have seen in a 60s film, including death, rape and cannibalism. It's listed as a black comedy, but doesn't that mean there should at least be some comedy in the thing?Apparently this is Godard's 'trademark', and if his trademark means making a mess of a film I don't feel very inclined to watch 'Breathless.' But as stated at the beginning, I obviously didn't 'get it.'

My Darling Clementine - 1946 *****

Yey, finally another film to watch with Victor Mature whom I haven't seen in since 'My Gal Sal' about 15 years ago.

I haven't seen to my knowledge ANY westerns the whole way through, and so I understand that I am not fit to judge this movie on it's genre, but I have to say from my personal opinion that it is one of the very best movies I have seen of 1946 with a thrilling story, some excellent acting and 3 brilliant stars.

Highlights are obviously the gorgeous Linda Darnell and the fair but tough Henry Fonda as Wyatt Earp. Victor Mature is also captivating as 'The Doc' who has left respectable Boston and his girlfriend Clementine to move to Tombstone and found a new 'broad' instead named Chihuahua (Darnell). A lot of this film is depicting real events too which always makes a movie more exciting. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship with westerns. Although I hope others I see have such a good storyline as this and don't rely just on shoot-outs. We shall see.

Red Sorghum - 1987 **

I cannot honestly say that this film is my type of thing, and if it hadn't been f0r the fact I had to watch it to tick it off my '1001 movies to see..' book I probably wouldn't have bothered. But I did, and I got through it, if not totally happily, and it wasn't too bad. It revolves around a young girl who is married off by her father to an elderly leper who owns a distillery and what happens when the leper is murdered.

It's not exactly fast paced and to be honest I wasn't gripped as it went along, but at least now I can say I have seen it. Not that I think anyone will ask me.

I walked with a Zombie - 1943 ****

Truthfully speaking 'I walked with a Zombie' really wasn't a bad film. And it was just the right length to leave you wanting more but not boring you to sleep.

I was surprised, mainly because zombies movies aren't something that I have a huge interest in, but I decided anyway that this probably wouldn't be too bad.

Quite simply, a nurse comes to an island to care for a the young wife of a plantation owner, who cannot function normally and appears in a sort of trance whenever anyone tries to make contact with her. She appears almost mentally paralyzed, and it's quite disturbing seeing her watch her husband talk but not be able to interact with him.

As a last resort to cure the wife, the nurse is drawn into the weird and wonderful world of voodoo and black magic, resulting in a pretty scary last few scenes.

Done on not a very excessive budget, this movie certainly did what it wanted.

The Killing - 1956 **

I honestly think this is one of the worst film-noirs I have ever seen. Which begs the question (as mentioned by another disgruntled reviewer on Amazon) that if this movie hadn't been made by Kubrick, would it really be so overrated? I personally don't think so, because a lot of films tend to be merited soley on the director instead of whether the production is any good or not. I was so disappointed with this, partly because I love film noir and partly because I really believed before I saw it that it would blow my socks off.

The story is of an ex-con ( Sterling Hayden, who appears to have lost all his good looks since 'Strangers on a Train') who gets a group of men together to help him pull off the biggest hiest ever seen, based around a famous race-track and it's most prized horse.

The narration is awful ( it's usually done by the main actor in films like this) and was relayed like someone talking through a newsreel and I didn't like having to be updated on exactly what was going on every few minutes as though I didn't have the capacity to work it out myself. The femme fatale (Marie Windsor) was unattractive, unpleasant, and not in the least sultry or dangerous - she was just plain mean.

Added to which there were a few mega plot inconsistancies that seemed almost punishable by death which I really can't beleive a director like Kubrick would have not focused on more.

I'll stick to my noir's of the 40s, those are the ones that really grip me.

The Blue Gardenia - 1953 *****

Another hidden treasure! But of course, being directed by Fritz Lang it's going to be pretty superb. Based (very roughly) around the Black Dahlia case, we have Anne Baxter as Norah,(who keeps astounding me with her brilliant performances), who decides to go out for a night of drinking to celebrate her birthday after she receives a letter from her boyfriend telling her he has found someone else. She meets up with womaniser Harry Prebble who takes her back to his apartment. The next morning she is accused of his murder having no recollection of doing anything wrong. A newspaper man gets interested in the case and tries to get 'The Blue Gardenia' as she is now known to come to him before giving herself up to the police.

The film is excellently put together, always interesting and always captivating, with Nat King Cole as a special guest who sings the title song. Ann Sothern is also on top form as her housemate Crystal.

Riding in Cars with Boys - 2001 *** 1/2

Whatever anyone says about Drew Barrymore, it's very apparent that she can act. She plays the role here of Beverly Donofrio, a young girl who becomes pregnant and is forced into marrying the father of the child, who happens to be a drug addict. Donofrio is a real person who wrote her autobiography about her experiences which inspired this film and I must say, she seemed to have it tough.

Beverly always had a dream to pursue a degree at college and when she became pregnant it was not considered important anymore. Women like her didn't get degrees, they raised their children in a trailer-park home and worked around the house while the man went to work.

Beverly wanted more than that and throughout the movie seemed to just feel sorry for herself and think about what she wanted, instead of what would most benefit her son. One can sort of understand her predicament though, and there are times when you have sympathy for her, but she doesn't appear to do herself any favours either.

The storyline is quite interesting however, and even more interesting how some people have to live.

Death of a Ghost Hunter - 2007 **

This is not the scary and gripping movie that people seem to claim it is. In fact some of it was quite embarassing to have to sit through. The acting was mediocre at best and the story has already been done to death (hahaha I thought that was very funny)

A paranormal investigator goes to a house that is thought to be haunted by a family who were murdered years ago. Together with a film crew that has turned up to capture anything that happens she spends a few days in the houses, hoping for paranormal activity.

I haven't seen 'Paranormal Activity' yet but I truly hope that it's not as hideous as this film was or I will be put off ghost films for life.

Maria, Full of Grace - 2004 *****

One of the most powerful and brilliantly acted films I have seen in a while.

Making a film about drug-smuggling is never going to be an easy task, but director Joshua Marston has captured the rawness of the subject and yet brought some tenderness to the character as well.

We all know that women who become 'drug-mules' are normally forced into this type of work, whether it be physically or emotionally. The same happens for 17 year old Columbian Maria, who after becoming pregnant and getting sacked from her job is approached to swallow some pellets of cocaine and get them to New York. Desperate for money to support herself and her family, she agrees to the risky offer and we follow her as she learns how to swallow the pellets and what to say at the airport should she be stopped.

The acting from this woman is superb, and being shown how drugs are exported over the border is a shocking thing to see, especially when it all rests on a girl who is not even 18.

A mind-blowing film that thoroughly deserves its critical praise.

Libeled Lady - 1936 **** 1/2

Can anyone think of a better foursome than Harlow, Powell, Loy and Tracy? I doubt it.

Libeled Lady is a humorous look at what happens when newspaper men print untruths in famous newspapers ( I'm sure that NEVER happens..).

Loy's character finds out that Tracy's newspaper has wrongly printed a story saying she broke up someone's marriage and now she wants to sue for libel.

Tracy manages to track down Powell who used to work for him and persuades him to help in stopping Loy sueing (including getting her on her own and working his magic...) Harlow is dragged into the middle of the mess and agrees to pose as Powell's wife, so that Loy and Powell can be 'caught' by Harlow, and the case hopefully dropped... Got all that???

It's really not that complicated though, and in fact it's jolly good fun, especially from William Powell, who enters into the 'arrangement' with gusto, enraging Harlow who actually wants to marry Tracy!

You can see the sparks flying for Harlow and Powell as they act (they were a couple at the time) and it's sad to see Harlow's health slowly disintegrating in front of our eyes (only one year later and she would be gone) but that doesn't stop the film being enjoyable, and Jack Conway couldn't have chosen 4 better actors to play the parts.

Look out for my favourite scene - Powell attempting to fish with Loy and her father, it has me in stitches!

Killing Me Softly - 2002 ****

I was pleasantly surprised with this movie, based on the book by the brilliant Nicci French.

The story follows Alice, who lives in London and has a good job and lovely boyfriend. However after meeting a stranger in the street she embarks on a passionate affair with him, risking everything. Finding out that he was a mountain climber who had a tragic experience on an outing, she decides that she wants to leave her boyfriend and moves in with him, although actually she barely knows anything about his life or what sort of person he actually is.

The story itself sounds a little unlikely but actually I guess in real life it's perfectly plausible.

Anyway the acting is very good from both Graham and Fiennes and the ending is something you would never guess ( unless you had read the book!)

Van Helsing - 2004 **

Nope, I just couldn't get excited about this movie, despite having saved it for over 3 years in my DVD shelf and finally got too excited and decided to watch it. I wish I hadn't bothered.

I am always interested to watch movies about Dracula or vampires or anything of that particular area, but this movie was too much of a mish-mash, and there were so many questions left unanswered at the end that I was very disappointed. This film gives me a disturbing 'HellBoy' and 'Catwoman' feel about it - i.e. too much CGI and not enough actual plot. Beckinsale wasn't even particularly memorable in her role either, and given the movie poster you would be excused for thinking that maybe she would be.

Such a shame to wait all that time and then be disappointed, when there are plenty of films I almost dread watching and then find out how amazingly good they are. Maybe I should stick to them.

Dead Reckoning - 1947 ***

It's a very weird feeling to watch Humphrey Bogart in a film again after literally years and years of adoring him as a young child. (I used to wake up two hours earlier than I had to before I went to school to watch one of his films everyday.)

For me he is 'the' cool guy, and rivals James Cagney in any form of ganster activity on the big screen.

I cannot quite get my head around Lizabeth Scott however, she doesn't seem like a particularly good actress, and appears to me as though she is trying desperately to look and sound like Lauren Bacall (who IS a good actress). One would wonder if John Cromwell decided to cast her in the film so that Bogart would feel closer to his wife. ( Apparently Rita Hayworth was originally considered for her part, even she would have made a better femme fatale!!)

Bogart plays an ex-soldier who decides to investigate why his friend has done a runner instead of collect a his well-earned Medal of Honour, and chaos and murder follow ( of course).

I'l be honest, this wasn't one of my favourite noirs, but Bogart's always superb in anything so at least I had that fact to keep me going, but the story itself wasn't as thought out as I would have liked. I have seen Scott in two films now and even two seems too many. Give me Bacall anyday.

Dead Ringers - 1988 ****

A surprisingly good movie, starring the excellent Jeremy Irons, who plays identical twins Elliot and Beverly Mantle, who work as gynocologists and can quite literally read each other like a book. The scenes where both brothers are next to each other is wonderfully skillful and after a while you genuinely do forget that there is only one actor playing two parts. How Irons did some of it I will never know.

When Beverly forms a close attachment to a famous actress who he has diagnosed as having an abnormal reproductive system it ruins the close relationship that both brothers have, and sends the brothers one after the other on a downward spiral that will end in tragedy.

Acting is superb from Irons but ruined by the plastic and unemotional Genevieve Bujold who couldn't act her way out of a paper bag.

A film to watch twice, just to see really how clever the composition and split shots are.

Martyrs - 2008 *

Why I would even bother reviewing a movie like this I have no idea, but it was the deal that I made with myself to keep a note of every film I had seen.

Put quite simply I found this film a pathetic excuse for a movie, with nothing but a non-stop bloodbath and mindless violence. I DO NOT mind violence in the right context, and I'm not adversed to a little blood and gore, but when it just happens as much as it does here it's pointless.

I disliked the movie. Simple. All I have or want to say.

Letter from and Unknown Woman - 1948 *****

Joan Fontaine has always in my opinion been one of those actresses who plays scared and slightly mousy characters. Here it is no different, but here it makes sense, and she plays her character with heart-felt brilliance.

Louis Jourdan couldn't be more appealing if he tried, with his sensuous voice and lovely 'classic French' look. The two characters are superb creations.

Fontaine plays Lisa, a young girl who becomes infatuated with a famous pianist named Stefan who moves to the apartment opposite her in turn of the century Vienna.

Although barely knowing that she exists, Lisa imagines that she and Stefan are meant to be together, and becomes obsessed with him, staying up all night listening to him play and sneaking into his apartment to look at his possessions.

Lisa's life is then thrust into turmoil when her mother ups and marries a man from Linz and says that they are to move there.

I don't want to spoil the film for anyone, but it really is a gorgeous tear-jerker of a movie which up until now I had only heard of vaguely.

If this is Max Ophuls at his best then I am determined to keep watching his lovely expressions of black and white cinema.

(I would dearly love to write to Jourdan and tell him how much his performance moved me, but unfortuntely I have no contact address, even for fans to send fan mail to)

Pink Flamingos - 1972 *

Yup, Im going to be one of those people in the minority who thoroughly disliked this movie.

Don't get me wrong, I actually thought Divine was really funny and played the part well, but seriously, this film is not something I would want to show my worst enemy let alone my best friend. How much more obvious does John Waters have to be about trying to gross out his audience? Not feeling nauseous enough by the sight of a grossly obese grown woman in a baby crib stuffing eggs down her throat? Well how about watching a man try to sexually molest a chicken and proceeding to crush it to death ( for real) in the process. This isn't enjoyable, although yes, it certainly shocked me which I suppose is the point, right down to the last now infamous scene where Divine eats a ... well you know..

The film did what it set out to do, it freaked me out, but there will be no prizes for excellent acting going to this director, or any of his cast, who spoke their lines as though it was the first time they had ever heard them in a horribly wooden and unimaginative way.

The story is really non-existant as well, and so why would anyone think this is an enjoyable way to spend time?

And please, let's not have anyone saying 'oh you just didn't understand it, it's a hidden gem etc' because no, I didn't understand it, and I'm struggling to understand which part of it is the 'gem' bit. Does it make me crazy to want to watch a well acted film with a good plot?I guess that's not important in a film anymore.

The Thin Man 1934 *****

I watched this a couple of years ago and could barely muster the strength to tell anyone I had seen it. I wasn't impressed. However, I watched it again last night and totally fell in love with everything about the film. I have no idea what was going on at the time that I first watched it. The characters, the plot, the glamourous lifestyle and not forgetting the adorable dog Asta.

William Powell and Myrna Loy play Nick and Nora Charles, a wise-cracking couple who love nothing more than a good mystery, and every though Nick is a now-retired detective he cannot resist turning back to his old trade to solve a case close to his heart. Both characters are excellent, sharp and witty, bouncing off each other with gusto. Powell is the epitome of 30s class, with his slicked back hair, his little moustache and his warm voice. He also looks darn classy in a suit and hat. Loy is sassy and sexy as his fun-loving wife, who insults him down to the ground, but loves him more than anything.

The plot isn't tremendously important, but the funniest scene happens around a dinner table with Powell narrating the story of the killer. Flawless.

A great movie. One to watch over and over.

U-571 - 2000 ***

If I watch enough of these kinds of films about submarines and wars etc I may be able to work out why all of the male population seems to love them so much.

Anyway this wasn't a bad movie, and the cast was okay. It's all about German U-Boats, and how a small group of English crew members decide to get on board, disguised as German Navy submariners and steal an important cipher machine. The Germans are portrayed awfully in this movie which I find a bit over the top, but then again this is a fictional account of lots of events from WW2 merged together and so I suppose it's valid enough. I thought the action in the submarine was brilliant, and it really gives you a feeling of nausea thinking that people had to sleep, eat and live in something underwater that moved constantly from side to side with not a very clear idea of where they were actually going. There was a real U-571 but these exact events never happened to it, in fact it sunk off Ireland in 1944. Anyway it's not a brilliant film but it gives you a bit of excitement anyway and some action which was what I was after. ( I'm turning into a man.)

It's Alive - 2008 **

I gather with a supposedly scary movie like this that we are supposed to 'read between the lines' and appreciate that a mother's love for a child is more important than anything etc and that if you make a bad choice about a pregancy it will haunt you forever?

This however is not even a scary film so I don't see why I should have to read between the lines. (*SPOILERS* We sort of understand why the baby is evil, because the mother tries to terminate the pregnancy early on with some dodgy pills she found on the internet which she takes with a huge glass of red wine (always a great idea to mix narcotics and back-street drugs together) and instead winds up mutating the baby and seemingly slightly cannibalistic. (I sort of feel more for the baby than the stupid woman). )Anyway!

A young woman gives birth and goes to live with her boyfriend in a secluded area, leaving behind her best friend and her course at college which she has given up to become a mum. At the hospital things happen, and then at home things happen too, and basically lots of people die, all in hilariously funny ways ( especially Jack Ellis from 'Bad Girls' sporting a ridiculous American accent) but I think the idea is that we are cower in terror. The mother appears either too stupid or too delusional to imagine that anything her baby is doing is wrong, despite the fact that she keeps finding it covered with blood and bodies lingering around outside the house. Apparently this means the baby is fragile and lovely and needs looking after...a bit like 'The Omen', but for toddlers instead. In the end I was fed up with the whining and pathetic mother, and the overaffectional father and just wanted everyone to die slow and painful deaths.