That Touch of Mink - 1962 * * * * *

What can I say in a negative way about Cary and Doris in a lovely 60s comedy? Doris is hilariously funny as always this time as a beautiful yet virginal woman who is wooed by rich and no-nonsense Cary Grant. Cary is his usual handsome and timeless self and some of the scenes (Doris being drunk for one) are classic. Although there is a lot of sexual innuendo the jokes are not in bad taste ( they never are in the 60s) and this could be enjoyed with all the family ( although I am happy to savour every minute Doris and Cary have on screen together alone.) Timeless and classic.

The Invention of Lying - 2009 * * *

In a world where everyone can only tell the truth, he's just invented the lie.

I knew this wouldn't be up to much. And besides the fact it's not that funny it brings up certain bizarre questions based on religion, such as ' do we all get three chances to get into heaven?' 'Do we get a mansion when we die?' etc.

Ricky Gervais is barely funny, although some parts ( such as reading off the pizza boxes raised a smile from me.) The strange need that all the characters have to speak every single thought they have as long as it's 'the truth' doesn't work well. Even if everyone had to tell the truth in a weird distopian world, why does that actually mean that people have to say everything in their head?

Example: Jennifer Garner and Ricky go out to dinner, Garner insults Gervais on the phone to her mother saying he is chubby, ugly and has a snub nose.However when they finish the evening and say goodbye she says it was really nice to see him and she enjoyed herself!

If this was the case and she can hold back ( she obviously didn't just want to say that and was probably going to say something along the lines of 'I really enjoyed myself but you are still a minger') then why did she have to make cruel remarks to him at the beginning of the evening?

The inconsistences are too much and you come out of the film feeling you have been watching a strange parallel universe.

Also just because he can lie why does that automatically mean people are going to believe him?

( He goes into a bank and asks for £800 although he knows he only has £300 left in his account, and yet the woman after looknig at the screen and seeing he only has £300 apologises for the 'mistake!').

Added to which Jennifer Garner has had horrible surgery on her mouth - gross.

Crush - 2010 * * *

Attraction can be fatal.

This movie was a bit of a weird combination. As regards to it being quite eerie and basing itself around a stalker-like ex-lover who takes one night to mean forever then it's not a bad attempt.

However if you are basing the merits of this film on the second part of the movie where it becomes simply ridiculous then you're headed for a fall.

Chris Egan, whom I faintly remember from 'Home And Away' plays a preppy, sport obsessed bloke who, despite the affections of his lovely girlfriend cannot help but fall for the mysterious niece of the owners of the house he is house-sitting which leads to devestating consequences.

Acting is pretty good, but the lead girl is really freaky and her huge doe-eyes put me off. Still, not a long film so worth watching just to say you have seen it.

The Return - 2006 *

The past never dies, it kills.

This was a pathetic excuse for a horror film. I had some idea that this was following on from SMG's earlier success 'The Grudge' but I was proved wrong.

The story was a complete tangled mess, the acting was atrocious ( I thought she was supposed to be able to act!) and the ending made no sense whatsover. It was just a bad film and because of how well the other one had done, it just eluminated how awful this was.

We never really figure out anything at the end so bang goes a brilliant twist; at that, the plots seem to collide with each other in a ridiculous way.

No point watching, not even for free. My DVD will be on it's way to the charity shop very soon.

Nothing but trouble - 1991 * * * *

All they wanted was a little getaway, all they got was nothing but trouble...

I honestly can't see why this film was slated so much on it's release. To me it was hilarious!

Chevy Chase is very funny and so (of course) is John Candy (who plays a cop and a woman).

Chevy Chase, his potential girlfriend and his 2 friends drive off for a fun weekend together, but take a wrong turn and end up in a bizarre area of the backwoods where they stumble upon a sadistic Judge and his family who like to 'charge then dismember' anyone who they decide isn't worthy of life.

They end up all having to work together to decide a way to escape, but it's not going to be as easy as they think..

Some scenes are so stomach-churning they actually made me turn away, but it's all in good fun really and Dan Ackroyd is on top for as the Judge so that makes everything alright. Contrary to popular belief I thought Chevy Chase was great in this!

Cover Girl - 1944 * * * *

Slowly I'm working my way through the musicals that I haven't been lucky enough to see yet from the 30s and 40s. I am very lucky to have seen so many already and was privileged to have a mother and grandmother who had an endless supply of them to keep me occupied.

Despite being one of the most well known musicals of the 40s and one of Rita Hayworth's most popular I had never watched Cover Girl until recently.

Well to have a film with both Gene Kelly and Rita Hayworth is something of a treat, and when I watched it it totally blew me away.

Cover Girl is the story of a beautiful girl called Rusty who, after some good luck, lands herself a job as a popular Cover Girl. Gene Kelly plays Rita's love interest and is on top form as usual. Highlights include the astounding duo dance sequence he does with another version of himself in the dark streetas which is just so Gene Kelly. For me this is the best part of the film. That and being able to see Rita Hayworth in her run up to Gilda ( I haven't seen that either...) which plummeted her to stardom. She was a talented woman and one of the most beautiful to look at in the whole world. Her dance routines remind me quite a lot of 'My Gal Sal', ( a movie she did with Victor Mature) where she plays Paul Dresser's love interest and has to perform early 20th century dance routines in beautiful outfits. She is certainly showcased perfectly in both films (where she gets to show off her highly prized legs.... so jealous!), but as regards to storyline (and not counting the fact that I love Gene Kelly and don't particularly like Victor Mature) I'm going to have to nominate 'My Gal Sal' over this, although there is no doubt that this is a classic and will stay in my collection.

Frenzy - 1972 * * * *

Coming up to 2 years ( can it really be that long?) since I originally purchased the Alfred Hitchcock boxset I have 2 left ( to my knowledge) that I haven't seen. I decided to watch this at the weekend, in the mood for a good serial killer movie.

This movie bares comparisons to 'Straight on 'til morning' ( although that was a Hammer horror and filmed about five years beforehand.) I loved that film, and I loved this. Hitchcock as usual is on top form ( look out for his cameo at the very beginning, makes me chuckle!)and really gets the audience to grips with early 1970s London.

There is a terrifying killer on the loose murdering women by strangling them with his necktie ( how very refined!) therefore known to the general public as 'The Necktie Strangler.'

Jon Finch plays the lead Richard, and after getting fired from his job in a pub decides to make other arrangements with his girlfriend ( played excellently by Anna Massey). However, the pub landlord is not impressed and begins to believe that Richard is running away with his girlfriend for the wrong reasons and leading her into danger...

The clever thing about this film is that Hitchcock decided to fill the film with unglamorous actors to give an impression of real London and I feel it works superbly. I certainly wasn't disappointed to see someone like Massey in the main female lead instead of someone like Grace Kelly or Tippi Hedren. As long as they can give us a good show that's all that matters.

Brilliant ending that makes the whole film worthwhile, although there are some camp moments towards the final scene that made me laugh. This film on the whole is black comedy as opposed to thriller. But as it's done by Hitchcock you know you're in for a treat.

Soul Survivors - 2001 * *

The world of the dead and the worth of the living, are about to collide.

Put in blunt terms, this is a dreadful film. The acting is ridiculous as only Americans can do, the plot is disjointed and there are so many plot holes that the whole thing is like a joke. The story in itself isn't too bad, but once you realise there are lots and lots of layers underneath that you need to understand before you can 'truly understand' it becomes a bit of a mess.

Wes Bentley is the weirdest looking bloke ever and is infuriating to watch after a while, but then again so is the female lead. Too much groaning, gasping and running and not enough proper development in the storyline for my liking.

The ending comes as such a shock, but not a particularly good one, as by that time you don't really care one way or another.

And for people who don't understand, the title sort of gives it away at the beginning...

Hide and Seek - 2005 * * * *

Come out, come out wherever you are..

What a fantastic film. I kept getting this and 'Don't Say a Word' mixed up which is very bizarre as they are nothing alike.

Dakota Fanning is one of the best young actresses out there these days and she and Robert De Niro really bounced off each other.

After finding his wife dead after commiting suicide in their home, De Niro takes his daughter to a new area to try and rebuild both their lives. However his daughter soon starts mentioning a friend named Charlie who appears to be invisible, leaving De Niro to start to question his daughter's sanity.

The twist is brilliant, had me completely fooled and you WILL NOT guess the ending.

I think it deserves a second viewing to pick up on some bits you might not notice the first time round. Fanning's portrayal of a disturbed young girl is amazing, and hopefully she will be in many more films like this.

De Niro is a very versatile actor and I admire him greatly, another one who I hope will continue to make good films ( De Niro himself claimed this was one of the low points of his career, can't think why.)

Hush - 1998 * * * *

Don't breathe a word.

I don't get why this is such a slated film, I thought it was really good and the performances (especially Paltrow's) were brilliant. I love the fact that it isn't well known and that I have been able to uncover it. This is why watching so many films can be so rewarding.

Jessica Lange is on top form as the disturbed and dillusional mother of Paltrow's boyfriend who is determined not to let her son's new girlfriend get in the way of her relationship with him.

Some genuinely eerie moments ( favourite being the event happening in the bedroom towards the end)and a really good and fulfilling ending, this is so worth your time, so ignore all negative reviews.

The Burrowers - 2008 * *

Evil will Surface.

This was a hideous excuse for a movie. It really was dire. The trailers looked so promising that I was really looking forward to it. The beginning of the film is probably the best part because from then onwards it goes downhill, mostly consisting of some men wandering around on horseback trying to find out what has happened to a family that disappeared from their home. Reviewers who love this film say that people who dislike it are braindead because it's not non-stop explosions and that you actually need to think about it as your going along. I have no wish to watch continuous films with explosions in and I still disliked it. It's slow because nothing actually happens!

The only humour comes from the creatures. And that is because they are computerised.

Dreadful ending too, simply not worth it.

Trick 'R' Treat - 2008 * * * *

Poison, drowning, claw or knife, so many ways to take a life.

I had a feeling I was going to love this before I watched it and my hunch turned out to be right.

Trick 'r' treat follows 4 stories that are in some way connected to each other, all based around Halloween. I love how you finish watching one story and the end locks into the beginning of something at the very start of the film. You will also find yourself saying 'ah, it all falls into place now' a number of times which is always reassuring in a film.

Not giving too much away, my favorite story is about a group of kids who, aware of an old and tragic legend that happened 30 years ago, decide to walk to the outskirts of the town to see the spot where 'it happened.' What follows next actually scared me quite a bit.

There is an undertone of black comedy here which I feel is normally essential for a new age, modern American horror film. Whereas British films rely on subtle humor ( i.e. Vincent Price camping it up), Americans get right in there and make everyone chuckle whilst hiding behind the sofa. It's a bizarre experience. It's also worth a watch, or at such a short duration, maybe 2.

City Lights - 1931 * * * *

The little tramp with a big heart.

This is the second Chaplin movie I have seen, the 1st being The Gold Rush which to be honest I didn't think hugely of. I have always had a definite idea that I dislike Chaplin, fearing I suppose that he will become funnier to me than someone like Keaton. However, this film was great, hilarious and had a lovely story to boot, and I now feel like I rather misjudged Chaplin just a bit.

His quirky ways have certainly never been matched since and he is a bit of a genius in coming up with slapstick scenes. ( I adore the continuous relationship between him and the rich alcoholic who greets him as a friend every evening and throws him out of his house every morning).

Chaplin will always be remembered up there as a 'great' and this I'm told is one of his finest. If so I shall make it my duty to watch his others to compare.

PS The ending gives you a nice warm feeling inside although some viewers dislike it immensely.

Educating Rita - 1983 * * * * *

Denny: In my family, a man has only to look at a woman and she's pregnant.

Rita: That's because you're all so cockeyed.

One can't help but fall in love with this film. I always had the idea that it would be a total disappointment and that the idea sounded a bit silly. But then I never realised how much I love Julie Walters until fairly recently and she really stole the show.

Rita lives a boring and unfulfilling life as a hairdresser. Her husband doesn't understand her and is constantly presssuring her to have a baby. Rita however doesn't want a baby 'until she has found herself' which leads to arguments.

She decides to enrol on an Open University Course for literature to better herself all round as a person and thereby meets Frank (Caine), the alcoholic genius who is to be her tutor. And so begins Rita's passionate and total adoration of books and learning.

This film winds up being totally heart-warming and is a wonderful example of how a person can change their life around to make everything better even when they believe there is no hope for them.

Caine is also on top form here as the stuffy academic whose heart often peeks through unexpectedly.

The Number 23 - 2007 * * * *

The truth with find you.

I started this film about a year ago and didn't get more that about 10 minutes into it before deciding it wasn't for me.

I watched it properly a few days ago and was totally blown away.

The beauty of this film is that try as you might you will automatically start finding the number 23 in everything as soon as you have finished the viewing, and it will stay with you for a long time.

Jim Carrey in his first non-comic role ( for me) was amazing to watch and really filled the screen with his presence. I think he is an amazing actor.

The film centres around fate and chance and what happens when the 2 things collide. Walter (Carrey) is in a happy marriage to his wife and muddles by at his job as animal controller. One evening on the way to a party, his wife finds a book called 'The Number 23' in the second-hand shop that appears to have been produced by hand. On impulse she buys it for Walter and so sets off a series of events that question everyone's sanity.

It is scary actually to see how many famous events have happened that all relate to 23 ( either the equal to or the variation of) i.e. Kennedy's Assassination, Shakespeare's birth and death, Two planes hit the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001: 9+11+2+0+0+1 = 23 etc. You really can find it in many things.

An amazing film. See it now!

Disclosure - 1994 * * * *

Sex is power.

I am having a late 80s early 90s movie phase at the moment and had decided fairly early on that Disclosure was one of the films I had to see. This supposedly was one of 'the' films of the 90s to see and apparently it was a popular date movie for a time ( although I can't imagine finding tis in any way romantic!)

Michael Douglas yet again (as in Fatal Attraction) appears as a man who has a devoted wife and daughter but who cannot help himself when an ex-girlfriend of his ( Moore) turns up at his office as his new boss.

In one scene ( supposedly the most erotic ever....er..no) Moore makes a pass at Douglas and despite his 'no no no' (said in a very half-hearted and unbelievable way) things get a bit out of hand.

We are then supposed to feel sorry for Douglas ( again like in Fatal Attraction) when he refuses to tell his wife what has happened and sets out to cover it out, only to be hit smack bang in the middle of his face by a lawsuit sueing for sexual harrassment from Moore.

What I really liked about this film was that for once a woman was in charge and taking control of what she wanted ( not to say for one second that the act of sexual harassment is acceptable) and the man is being punished for not having enough will-power to actually say no and mean it. Added to which Moore puts in a very good and realistic performance when she is called to testify against Douglas.

A film to watch, and one that you will keep looking at from time to time ( such as I do with Indecent Proposal and Fatal Attraction.)

The Perfect Getaway - 2009 * * *

6 Strangers, 2 Killers, no getting away.

Every year I find a list of a few movies that I try my hardest not to rush out and see, knowing that I will be saving up some scary/brilliant experiences if I bide my time and wait a while.

'A Perfect Getaway' was one of them.

The premise seems brilliant - a newly married couple go to Hawaii on their honeymoon hoping to relax and enjoy one another's company. They also meet 2 other couples who seem to be perfectly respectable if not a bit kooky. The bomb drops when they are all informed by another group of tourists they meet that 2 killers ( a man and a woman) are commiting murders on the island. the question is, who are they?

Up until the end I'll admit that I was totally stumped. I had no idea who it could be, regardless of how many reviews I have read where the viewers knew almost immediatly. When I did finally know, I was confused but also pleased that I had had no idea previously. Some parts don't add up though, and there are certain plot holes that you can only really notice if you see it again.

Give it a watch though, you might be one of the ones who figures it out ( but I doubt it.)

Plenty - 1985 * * * *

Meryl Streep was on top form in this film about a woman's quest to feel the same excitement that she felt whilst serving in the 2nd World War.

She takes her place alongside actors such as Charles Dance and Ian Mckellen as she meets lovers, friends and a husband who ultimately drives her completely mad.

I cannot speak highly enough of Meryl Streep, I think she is brilliant in every sense and I am slowly working my way through her huge backlog of amazing performances.

This is one of those films where you don't think it will be much good, and finish it realising you will be thinking of it for days.

Caddyshack - 1990 * * * * *

Some people just don't belong.

I mentioned in my previous post (The Hangover) how America hadn't really churned out many good comedies for at least ten years. Well this film is now 30 years old and still as hilarious as I can imagine it was when it was released.

Bill Murray is always funny; he has an ability to make somebody laugh simply by looking at them with a sneer on his lips.

Chevy Chase plays his usual 'National Lampoon' slightly simple but fairly harmless character.

The fun centres around a golf club ( with a hilarious toy beaver who runs through the tunnels underground with brute force, aware of his impending threat of extermination by Murray's sinister yet hilarious Carl, the pest control/odd job man - probably some of the funniest bits in the film as he seems constantly stoned!)

The club seems set to be taken over by a yobbish and undiginified individual ( played excellently by Rodney Dangerfield) which does not go down very well at all with Judge Smails (who I swear is a ringer for an old Frank Sinatra!.) Amidst all this chaos the caddyshack boys are causing trouble as they try to suck up to the Judge and golf tournaments are running amok as the wealthy men battle it out with... well the even wealthier!

I'm not saying this film doesn't have some random ( and to be honest totally pointless sex scenes-references) but on the whole it is more of a slapstick attempt than anything else. And also tremendous fun.

The Hangover - 2009 * * *

Some guys just can't handle Vegas!

This film is funny, but it's not brilliant. I have yet to see a genuinely funny Hollywood comedy of the last 10 years surface. This is why I find earlier comedies so much better such as the classic screwball movies of the 30s and 40s. People didn't need to rely on sexual crudeness or swearing to make a film funny, most of the time it was done with brilliant timing and clever word-play.

But I am very old-fashioned in this way and not many people understand or appreciate movies where something drastic isn't happening. So this is fine. It kills time, its the story of a group of friends who go to Las Vegas for their best friend's stag do only to wake up the next morning with their friend gone and no recollection of the previous events that occured the night before. How hilarious. Isn't alcohol wonderful. What a totally ridiculous waste of a trip to Vegas!

Here we have to rely on the swearing and drink-filled obscenities that have become a Hollywood staple for 'young' audiences all over. Plenty of toilet jokes as well for people who aren't totally turned off by the previous subjects.

I'm not trying to sound like an old fogey, I did laugh but at the same time felt slightly embarassed that I was actually finding some of the scenes funny when they really don't take much imagination at all to come up with.

This is a great movie for young adults and I have no doubt it will be remembered for a long while to come, but only because it seems to be an accumilation of all the other sexual-tinged comedies that America has made in the last decade. Watch 'Bringing up Baby' instead, that's what real comedy is about.

Sigaw ( The Echo) - 2004 * * *

Don't open the door.

I was surprisingly scared by this movie. American horror is no match for foreign. The story follows a man named Martin living in a creaky and terribly run-down apartment complex. He regularly sees his girlfriend who comes to the apartment to see him. Things take a turn for the worse when Martin begins to hear and see a woman persistantly banging on his door and arguing with her abusive husband at the entrance to their flat down the way.

Although worried for the safety of the woman Martin doesn't want to get involved and so tries to close his mind to what's happening...

The Opposite of Sex - 1998 * *

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be offended.

Another film on my list of movies that people always seem to talk about that I have to see.

Christina Ricci plays DeeDee, a trampy and sexually promiscious teenage who, after fighting with her mother goes to stay with her gay brother and his boyfriend Matt. Before long she has seduced Matt and is pregant with his child thus causing them both to leave the home of her brother. Lisa Kudrow turns up as Ricci's brother's sister in law to offer support and annoyance at the situation.

The whole film is gritty and nothing like I had imagined it would be. In my mind's eye I saw it as some kind of comedy but it is anything but that.

Sex, Lies and Videotape - 1989 * * *

"All I have been thinking about all week is garbage. I mean I just can't stop thinking about it."

Andie McDowell will NEVER be a good actress and I don't care what anyone says. In everything I have seen she constantly acts as though she is trying to repeat lines she has learnt off a script in a very rigid and wooden manner. Her part wasn't much better in this, but at least James Spader was there to provide some proper acting.

This story centres around a couple, namely Gallagher and McDowell who are living a very unhappy and unsatisfied marriage. Even more so since Gallagher started sleeping with McDowell's sister on the sly. Unexcited by her life, McDowell finds solace in Gallagher's visiting friend Graham(Spader) who comes with a bizarre and unsteady past that she can only hope to uncover.

Spader is a great actor, and he portrays this pathological liar character superbly. I don't much care for Peter Gallagher or his character in this but he seems to keep popping up in films I am seeing without me realising so maybe it's a sign that he's not too bad.

Not one of the best films out there but one that people are always telling you to see, so go ahead.

Victor/Victoria 1982 * * *

She'd make it to the top... one way or another!

I think Julie Andrews is one of our typically 'English' actresses and I admire her greatly. I loved her in the other musical set in the early part of this century ( Thoroughly Modern Millie) and I thought she was pretty good in this too. Set in Paris in the 1930s the story follows Victoria, a lady who cannot get work because of her operatic style voice until she accidently meets a man who is also not getting work on the stage. The 2 form a close relationship and realise that the only way Victoria can make it big is to become a female impersonator, but that is only possible if you are a man isn't it...?

Without a Clue - 1989 * * * * *

Meet the world's greatest detective, and his bumbling partner... Sherlock Holmes.

This is one of the funniest films I have seen in a long time. The whole idea of the typical Sherlock Holmes stories is mixed up and changed round for the purpose of the film so we now have John Watson as the brains behind the operation and Sherlock Holmes as the rather simple but likeable fool who does nothing but mess up the doctor's plans. Watson's dream is to be known as John Watson - Crime Doctor but no one seems interested in him, instead focusing entirely on Holmes who gets through his detective work by Watson's subtle hints at all the clues. Ben Kingsley is brilliant and ever so funny as Watson, I intend to watch everything he has ever done, and Michael Caine provides a humorous glimpse into a world where Sherlock Holmes is an idiot - certainly not a case in reality.

Stealing Beauty - 1997

The most beautiful place to be is in love.

This film was seperated by a love or hate audience when it premiered in '97. I for one was in a mixed mind.
Liv Tyler plays a 19 year old girl escaping to Italy ( beautifully shot scenery that makes you fall in love with the Italian countryside) who has to come to terms with herself, her intact virginity and her relationships with the people she meets. This is very much a 'coming of age' film that not everyone will enjoy but it does have it's good points. For one Liv really lives up to the naive and innocent 19 year old and can act pretty well. Another good point is the appearance of Jeremy Irons who almost steals the film.

Lolita - 1997 * * * * *

A forbidden love.

After being blown away by the earlier version of this story, I seriously doubted that I would be as excited about the remake. Because who ever is?

However, after seeing it once I am desperate to watch it again, if just to see Jeremy Irons amazing performance as Humbert as well as Dominique Swain's characterisation as Lolita.

Although it is tempting I don't think there is any point in comparing the 2 films as they each have things about them that are better than the other. For example - Sue Lyons is probably the better and most realistic version of the 'Lolita' character, but we see a good deal more of Humbert's background before he arrives at the Hayes house in the modern film which is crucial for you to understand his character.

Each film is just superb and who cannot feel for Humbert despite the perverted nature of his person.

A bizarre and strangely beautiful story.

Case 39 - 2009 * * * *

Some cases should never be opened.

One of the things I liked about this film was that it wasn't just a 'typical' American horror film, and half way through it actually started to freak me out. The story centres on Renee Zellweger as a social worker who gets assigned to a case of supposed child abuse on a young girl. Going against everybody including her collegues, Zellweger takes it upon herself to 'save' the child, inviting her to live in her house and away from her supposedly psychotic parents, little knowing what she is actually letting herself in for.

I'm not mad on Renee Zellweger and she had the most irritating and dry looking lips throughout the film which was rather distracting. However her acting was quite strong and I was particularly happy to see Adrian Lester pop up as her manager ( although his American accent left a lot to be desired!). I guarantee you will not guess the outcome of this movie when you start watching it, and that is one of the things I love about films - when you suddenly get an ending thrust upon you that you are totally unaware of.

Worth a watch. Definitely.

Deliver Us From Eva - 2003 * * *

Lead us into temptation but...

Aside from the obvious 'Taming of the Shrew' part of this movie it wasn't really more than a typical American rom-com flick.

The story centres around Eva, who will not believe that men aren't just all the same and not interested in an intelligent and intellectual relationship. She constantly insults her sisters boyfriends and has no interest in finding one of her own until the sister's boyfriends take matters into their own hands and decide that if they can get a man to make Eva fall for him then they will get some time with their girlfriends. Enter LL Cool J. However as usual in films like this things never happen the way they are supposed to.

Not bad acting , I like Gabrielle Union since I saw her in 'Bring it On' and LL Cool J wasn't bad. This film is like a chick-lit novel, fun and silly but not to be taken too seriously.

Dead Scared - 2004 *

The thing with horror movies is that they don't necessarily have to be made on a high budget and many I have seen have managed to be low budget but still contained a great story. This on the other hand was both low budget, AWFUL and I mean awful and had one of the stupidest stories ( mainly due to the fact that it has been done so many times before I am fed up of it!)

In order for a group of 5 students to pass a weird and typically American ritual that makes them members of a certain club (god knows what the actual club is) they have to spend the night in ..... you guessed it ' a creaky old house.' 2 of the founder members of the club are secretly on hand hidden in the house to administer scares and 'pranks' throughout the night but they all get more than they bargained for ( what a surprise). Also there is the pointless nudity which I have never understood the need for in scary films except because the film is so dire the makers believe we will be temporarily be seduced by breasts and chests? Err, I'm not a bloke so no it doesn't work on me.

Added to which the 2 girls in it are so pathetic and fake it makes you want to vomit over the TV set ( one is actually called Amber Rose; if that isn't the name of an aspiring porn star then what is??)

Of course there is also one 'foreigner' ( in most horror films these range from anywhere that is not America or England) one 'jock' ( yet another American phrase for a male whore) and a supposedly intelligent but actually pretty sex-crazed chap ( they usually end up dead.)

If that hasn't put you off watching then nothing will.

An American Crime - 2007 * * * *

The Child's punishment became a woman's crime.

No one can fail to be moved and disgusted by this story. And with both movies ( this and The Girl Next Door) coming out so close together one cannot fail to look for similarities. One thing I did notice with this film was that it was as many reviewers have called it 'candy coated' so as not to upset the viewers. I am not for one minute saying that I want to be upset as a result of seeing the film but I feel that by covering over some of the particularly disgusting areas of the case that we are not fully understanding both the crime and the psychology behind this deranged family. Also we are effectively papering over Syliva Liken's life and death simply because we can't bear to hear about it and I think that is very wrong. If it happened we should be hearing about it so that nothing like this ever happens again. Although I think the acting in this was many times better than TGND ( Keener and Page were Oscar-worthy) I think the reality of the crime was portrayed in a more truthful way in the other film. Gertrude is seen in this as a flustered and hard-done by woman who only wants the best for her family and at the start of the film she does not come across as a particularly bad person. The reality was very different. Gertrude was a viscious and violent psychopath who hated Sylvia for everything she stood for ( mainly because she was pretty and sweet and pure unlike Gertrude's own daughter Paula). She tortured Sylvia with full compliance from the neighbourhood boys and girls even homing in on her daughter Stephanie's boyfriend Coy who was happy to oblige. The film was good as a horror film might be with no truth in it but as regards to portraying a real life case it didn't do very well and I think insulted Sylvia's memory.

2 Great actors there though who thoroughly deserved awards for their performances (and you might remember Jeremy Sumpter as Coy who played Peter Pan in the film).

St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold 2009 * * *

They're back.

After discovering that Camilla Fritton is related to a pirate from yonder-year, the girls set out to discover wher ethe treasure that he was so desperately after has now been stashed little realising that Captain Archibold Fritton is back, and very very much alive. Add a few new faces ( don't worry, Colin Firth is still there) and a load of old ones and you're in for a bit of excitement. The girls looked like they had great fun making this sequel and it is a good old laugh although for me personally the first one preceeds the latter.

Diary of a Madman - 1963 * * *

Weapons won't save him.

Guy de Maupassant is one of my favourite french writers and I actually didn't register that he was responsible for the short story that this movie was made into until I looked at the credits. Now I think back I realise this is exactly the kind of thing he would have written. By the time of writing Maupassant was already going mad and there were many admirers of his work who believed that this short story was actually a reality for him and that he wrote as he saw things happen. Such a waste of talent for him to soon afterwards try to commit suicide. However this film is based on that story and centres around Vincent Price's character who believes he is being visited by the devil who controls his thoughts and feelings towards people he considers friends. Although of course there cannot be a Price film without a small amount of 'camping up' this is still a genuinely creepy picture. I am now deserate to read the story.

Diary of a Madman - 1963 *

The Visit - 1964 * * *

Hell Hath no fury...

I remember briefly at university studying this play but I didn't really understand it then. I still don't entirely understand it but think the film-makers did a pretty amazing job of it anyway. Bergman is still beautiful even now in the 60s and puts her all into this tale of corruption and society values.

Clara arrives back at a town she once knew very well a long time ago. Everyone remembers her and she in turn is particularly happy to see certain people. Or is she? Before long the past has collided with the present and the village is looking at a murder charge which hasn't happened yet.

Watch this.

Stan Helsing - 2009 * * *

The monsters have met their match.

Honestly you can't expect too much from a Scary Movie franchise that keeps churning out more and more of these movies. There are a few odd laughs but generally they just serve to annoy. Well I thought Stan Helsing was actually pretty funny although there were parts that I think just sullied the film. The monsters were mildly amusing and I guess having 'the big funny black guy' 'the innocent sex-crazed blonde' etc are just the way society and Hollywood in general thinks these days. In fact it really lives up to most of the American Pie-esque cliches and that got on my nerves but if you blotted that out of your mind you could just enjoy it as a silly movie.

Unfaithful - 2002 * * *

Where do you go when you've gone too far?

The one thing that struck me about this film was how unsympathetic the characters were. The lead role ( played brilliantly and infuriatingly by Diane Lane) is a dreadful character! Her loving and supportive husband goes out everyday to work while she does whatever housewives claim they do all day except live off their husbands. To make matters worse not only is she spending his money but she then starts a fling with a totally random man she meets in the street on a windy day. DO NOT tell me this is some kind of metaphor for being 'thrown together' and the 'It just happened' crap that has become such a popular expression nowadays. Above all we are supposed to feel sorry for her when things start to go downhill and I urge anyone watching this movie to feel anything for her but annoyance. How totally degrading to be a man who is bringing home money to support your wife when she has decided to start seeing someone else because she has become 'bored'! Bored of what exactly? Bored of going to coffee shops and sitting around in an idle fashion? Try making your own money!

Brilliant acting ( for which I ahve awarded 3 stars) but as regards to the plot. Please.

Halloween 2 - 2010 * * * *

Never trust anyone.

I still fail to see why Malcom McDowell has to appear in these films and I make no exception here, his part appears pointless and just ceases to stupify the film. I thought this was loads better than the first Halloween remake. However Sheri Moon Zombie wandering around in a white dress with a horse by her side in a dream-like state was a bit stupid. Some nice gruesome killings to bring the calibre of the film up to speed again so that's something. Nothing to do with the original Halloween 2 though.

The Final Destination - 2009 * * * * *

Rest in pieces.


I have seen all of the Final Destination movies and this by far surpresses all the others. The killings are brilliantly thought out, the story is really individual ( although still settling with the whole 'vision before you die' aspect that makes the 'Destinations' unique). The ending was pretty good as well and may of the scenes made me want to hide behind the sofa. A must for anyone who has been an avid fan of the other movies in the series, I think this would be a great high to end the series on so hopefully this is the last one.

She Done Him Wrong - 1933 * * *

Mae West is really something else. She's totally different in style, personality and appearance from any other actress of the 30s. Sure Jean Harlow was blonde, and Gloria Swanson had style, but Mae West seems light years ahead of her time when it comes to sexualising herself or telling crude jokes. Many of her quotes are still famous today because of their shocking content and you can see here why she is still so amazing. To be honest the story isn't really up to much, but if it means getting to see Mae West wear extravagent dresses and mutter her now infamous 'come up and see me some time' like with a smirk and drawl is priceless.

Blood Creek - 2009 *

The nightmare has awakened.

My partner said this was a huge flop and not worth wasting time on but sometimes we vary on films we see and so I gave it a shot anyway. What an idiot I was. This film screams out for help and for a realistic storyline. The idea that we meet a man whose brother is presumed dead in action and who then turns up randomly hell-bent on shotting some random man who lives ages away on a farm is stupid. The fact that the brother then gets his brother to help him and they both go around shooting people and keeping some people hostage but oooo half of them are already dead is hardly practical. I won't go further, I have probably already ruined most of the film for you, but it may be better this way than you having to endure the garbage of nearly 2 hours. I normally hate it when people say they have 'wasted 2 hours of my life' but I couldn't agree more here.

The Ugly Truth - 2009 * * * *

The battle of the sexes is on.

I've heard this film slated on many reviewing sites and to be honest I was having doubts about whether I would last for more than 10 minutes.

A film where the leading man is a chauvinistic pig who thinks all women want horrible males is hardly the most appealing premise for a rom-com. However Heigl and Butler bounce off each other to hilarious effect including one hysterical scene featuring some vibrating pants. The thing I don't like about this movies is that the intelligent and independent women are always construed as loners or 'boring' if they are dedicated to their jobs as opposed to jumping into bed with loads of men in a short space of time whilst on a high of booze. However you can't take this movie too seriously and both actors are pretty good to watch so a good effort all round, although you know from the start what will happen at the end.

Sorority Row - 2009 * * *

They share a killer secret.

For a start, I wanted to see this really to see if Audrina from 'The Hills' ( one of my favourite shows) could act. Well I hardly had a chance to make my mind up considering she was out of the film almost as soon as it had started.

I've seen the original Sorority Row and it didn't do much for me. I thought the acting was rather dull and unexciting whereas in this remake I was freaked out, gripped and slightly scared. This almost never happens with a remake so I guess the directors were doing something right. The idea of never knowing who you can trust was fairly prominent in this film and the end did come as a surprise. The actresses all belong to a brand of American 'babes' who seem to appear in every new horror film that comes out so they were all familiar.

A scary film, a silly film but a bit of fun anyways.

St Trinian's - * * * *

School's a riot.

I had wanted to see this for ages, although being a typically 'girly' film did put me off it at first. Then I realised that if it was based on the classic St Trinian's movies with Alastair Sims then it couldn't be too bad.

The cast is brilliant, with special highlights from Rupert Everett ( who plays not just a man, but also his own twin sister - hilarious!), Colin Firth and Russell Brand.

The school is threatened with closure by Colin Firth and it is up to the girls of St Trinian's to save the day with a little help from their alcohol and drug-dependent teachers ( check out Rupert Everett's false teeth!). Fellow Cambridge student Lily Cole and 'the girl from 2 pints of lager' are amoung the girls at the school, but it's ok because you'll be guaranteed to recognise over half of them anyway which is good for a laugh.

Light and frothy fun with a tad of a dark undertone this is a film for anyone really, not just us girls.

Already Dead - 2007 * * *

It's never too late for revenge.

I've never heard of this but liked the sound of the title and actually the story didn't turn out too bad at all.

Based around a man's revenge on the murder of his son, we follow him as he meets the supposed killer of his child and find out how he copes and whether he can stay an innocent man.

Very good performances from both lead men backed up by Christopher Plummer. The end shocked me. Probably not worth a re-viewing though.

The Ramen Girl - 2008 * * *

She's on pins and noodles.

Not a bad film, 'the Ramen Girl' follows Brittany Murphy to Tokyo where a bad breakup with a boyfriend causes her to take solace in a Japanese restaurant where she is introduced to her first bowl of Ramen.
Captured by the dish, she convinces the owner to teach her how to make the perfect Ramen and along the way starts to analyse not just her food, but her life.
Murphy hasn't quite reached the pitiful state she had later on in the year as her drug-taking took over and so this was a pleasant enough film with some funny and heartfelt parts.

Crimes and Misdemeanors - 1989 * * *

A film about humanity.

Woody Allen films are never funny, more tragically farcical. His plots are never light and always tend to deal with intricate family relationships or his love for one woman who won't reciprocate his affections.

When a rich businessman tires of his affair with a beautiful woman he does the only thing he thinks will cause the least hassle on all parts - he gets his brother to hire a hit man to bump her off so she will never spill the details to his wife.

Meanwhile Woody Allen is trapped in a loveless and passionless marriage and spends his days going to classic films with his niece and dreaming up ideas for films he could make. His whole life is unfulfilled and agonising for him.

I do like Woody Alen very much and although he tends to deal with dreadful subject matter I can usually raise a smile at his ridiculous over-the-top attitude.

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door - 2007 * * *

Murder became the neighbourhood game.

Few people are unaware of the disgusting and brutal murder of Sylvia Likens by Gertrude Baniszewski in 1960's America. It shocked everybody. This will shock you too. The film is based roughly on the events that led up to the torture and death of a young girl who, along with her younger sister are taken in by a friend of their parents after they die. Little does the child know that her nightmare has just begun.
A heartbreaking and brutal film made all the more gastly by the true story factor, this is a film that should be seen, if only to show how vile our society has become.

Mr Skeffington - 1944 * * * * *

She was very lucky that Mr Skeffington was such a gentlemen!

I have yet to see a movie where Bette Davis doesn't totally light up the scene and this was no exception. I am very fond of Claude Rains and have seen a number of his films now ( he reminds me of Ronald Colman) and had heard great things about this movie. Set in the time period just before the 1st world war we are introduced to Fanny Trellis, a beautiful and vain young girl who lives in a beautiful old house. Her life is a constant series of proposals from eligible young men all desperate to win her hand but in reality she is not interested. After an embarassing incident where Fanny finds out her brother has been scamming the place he works at she meets Mr Skeffington, the manager of her brother's office. A few days later they are married, but Mr Skeffington is soon to realise that Fanny Trellis will not change her attitude or lifestyle for anyone, not even him.

The scale of acting in this film is extraordinary and both Rains and Davis are brilliant together. I couldn't help but cry towards the end of the movie when Rains gives a heartbreaking performance.

A must see for anybody who wants to watch 'proper' acting.

What's New Pussycat? - 1965 * * * *

How you cats will laugh!

Now this was a FUNNY film. Sellers is hilarious as a psychologist who has a tough life dealing with all his crazy and mentally unbalanced patients including sexually promiscuous women ( most of whom take a fancy to him) and a sexually promiscuous male ( who takes a fancy to all the women and is unable to commit to his fiancee). Add a load of ridiculous situations ( including one of the most slapstick sequences in a hotel I have ever seen) and a small appearance from the beautiful Ursula Andress and you have a film that is quite literally a laugh a minute.

There's a Girl in my soup - 1970 * * *

A saucy romance.

I am on a Peter Sellers rush at the moment. I watched this today hoping to escape back to the 1970s and I found I almost did. Sellers meets Goldie Hawn one night and a brief 'relationship' they go away together to all the smart and posh events that are Sellers' life ( he is a food critic) which are incidentally all the types of events that Hawn is NOT accustomed to leading to some embarassing but funny circumstances. Goldie Hawn is a pretty funny actress and I normally like things that Sellers is in, so a good choice for a Saturday viewing.