House Party - 1991 ** 1/2

The first 'House Party' was pretty dire, so what possessed me to watch the second one? I have no idea. Contrary to reviews I preferred this one. It was funnier despite the fact it went way off track regarding the original story. Still, there are funnier films out there, and even though Whoopi Goldberg appeared briefly at the beginning it didn't raise the tone of the film much more.

(HORROR) The Amityville Haunting - 2011 **

Another chaotic mess by the affably named 'Asylum' film company. Basing itself around lost footage found of a family's slow descent into madness and mania in the by now infamous 'Ocean Drive' house that was home to the Amityville killings. Of course it wasn't filmed in the real house, it looked nothing like it in fact, the actors were painful, especially the ex-army father who insists on everyone calling him 'sir' and the aggravating boy who wanders around sticking his video camera in everyone's face and repeating the same questions over and over again,
It's a horrendous movie.

Detention - 2011 ***

It's getting three stars for total originality because iv never seen anything like this before. It's slasher/comedy/sci fi/ all mixed together, and you are never quite sure which scene will inhabit which. It's a very dry almost black comedy, not a laugh out loud one, its or not scary enough to be a slasher. It's very weird. I can't say I loved it, but hats off to the director for manoeuvring such a fresh idea.

(HORROR) The Hearse - 1980 *

Another awful film. I was hoping to see one of my old silver screen favourites Joseph Cotten in an intelligent and dramatic part, but he just came across as an old fuddy duddy. The film itself is laughable. A woman named Jane moves to her aunt's house that was left to her for the summer. She begins to experience weird feelings in the house, and is troubled by sightings of a herse at night time on the road.
The locals brush her off and disregard her as crazy, but are still hesitant to talk about the house.
Sounds good, but really isn't. Give it a miss.

(HORROR) Solstice - 2008 **

If you are aware that this was by the directors of the 'Blair Witch Project' you can't help but be slightly put off initially. But don't let that sway your mind. Use instead the fact that this film is ridiculously bad all on its own. The characters are so transparent that it makes you wince, and the whole 'lets all celebrate the solstice together by getting hammered and groping each other' wears thin. This is not a good film.

Behind Office Doors - 1931 **

Despite starting well, this pre-Hays film sadly lagged behind, not to mention the awful sound and picture quality that was intensely distracting.
Mary Astor alone couldn't save this film, although she does look lovely as a post-1920s flapper.

(HORROR) Paranormal Calamity - 2010 *

Because of my strange obsessive need to watch every spoof film that has ever been made it fell upon me to watch this.
It was utterly horrific. Unfunny, boring and the story was such a joke I just kept staring at the screen in disbelief. Lots of swearing for no reason and lots of weird sec scenes.
DO NOT WATCH THIS.

St Martin's Lane - 1938

I didn't like this at all. I didn't like Vivien Leigh's character who cared about no one at all and I didn't like Charles Laughton's character who had an unhealthy interest in her. She was 18 and he must've been in his mid to late 40s.
All set around St Martin's Lane in London and starring Leigh as a professional pickpocket and Laughton as a busker who takes pity on her when he spots her stealing someone's wallet.
I didn't like the over the top acting and even Rex Harrison couldn't save the day.

The Children's Hour - 1961 **1/2

This was a very depressing film. Hepburn and MacLaine play two schoolteachers who come under devastating scrutiny after a pupil starts up a rumour that the pair are lovers. This results in a complete loss of their livelihood and their pupils being taken away.
It is a bleak story of what happens when rumours are given fuel and the sorts of things slander can do to a person. Very sad. And based on a true story.

Half Baked - 1998 ***

Quite a funny film actually as stoner movies go. Dave Chappelle and his friends play high as a kite stoners who have to try and get their friend out of jail by selling lots of weed. It's a stupid film but its a laugh anyway, certainly when you don't want to put too much effort into a movie.

Evelyn Prentice - 1934 **

One of Powell and Loy's earliest pairings, slightly more dramatic than 'The Thin Man' and with barely any comedy.
William Powell plays a defence attorney who, though devoted to his family is rather neglectful of his wife romantically. Because of this, she embarks on an affair with a violent womaniser, ending her in court. It is then up to her husband to defend her.
A good drama, but I prefer this couple in the lighthearted movies.

Standing Room Only - 1944 ***

An enjoyable little rom-com starring the delightful Paulette Goddard who plays the quirky and ditzy Jane.
Lee Stevens takes his secretary to Washington but is annoyed when Jane cancels their hotel bookings without telling him thinking that they aren't adequate.
Finding no other rooms available in the whole city, the pair take posts as maid and butler in a house but soon find the jobs not exactly how they imagined.
A nice movie, nothing special but worth a watch all the same.

A Day at the Races - 1937 ****

Ridiculously funny offering from the Marx Brothers. Groucho takes over a sanitarium under the pretence of being a doctor when in fact he is simply a vet.
Enter some hilarious scenes that actually made me scream with laughter and Chico and Harpo sprinkle their own special magic on every second of their screen time.

(HORROR) Texas Chainsaw - 2013 ***

 

Overlooking the ridiculous continuity of a film that casts a girl in her early 20s as a 40 year old woman (whose friends include other 20 something model type stunners) this wasn't a bad slasher. I liked the fact that the end of the original is merged into the beginning of this so that we have a continuous flow. I'm not sure about the whole 'anti-hero' stance that Leatherface now holds as a horror creation, but I still found the film gruesome, creepy and horrific, just what you want from a scary movie.

(HORROR) The Haunting of Helena - 2013 **

A not too original horror based on the twisted version of the evil tooth fairy. A young girl begins to have visions of the tooth fairy coming to kill her after she bumps her head in a car crash. Her mother soon begins to experience the tooth fairy as well, and finds out that she is the entity of the wife of a terrifying man who had all her teeth pulled out by him for smiling at another man.
It's pretty disgusting, even more so for me as I have just had two teeth pulled out and spent over 6 months with agonising toothache!

Leon: The Professional - 1994 *****

Oh my goodness I loved this film. One I never thought I would be able to get round to seeing. I also thought it would be incredibly boring but by golly was it anything but.
After her family are slaughtered by a drug baron and his cronies, Mathilda takes shelter in the only other place she knows, that of a quiet man who lives in the apartment opposite her own. What she doesn't know is that he happens to be a professional hitman named Leon who has his own ideas about his privacy and taking on the responsibility of a 12 year old girl.
The whole thing is superbly acted, with highlighted performances from Gary Oldman (as the sadistically manic drug lord) and Natalie Portman as Mathilda.
Wonderful. 5 star. Watch it now.

Man's Favourite Sport? - 1964 *****

Maybe my new favourite film? I cannot explain how much I loved this movie.
Rock Hudson plays a charming employee who works at a fishing store, knows everything about fishing, and has even written a book on the subject much to the joy of his manager. There is just one problem. He has never actually fished before in his whole life.
Enter Paula Prentiss, who is desperately keen to get him to take in and win the annual fishing tournament.
Hilarity ensues as Prentiss takes over Hudson's life, giving him six days to get up to scratch on his fishing techniques so that he can enter.
Apparently Howard Hawks did this film as a homage to one his best known productions 'Bringing up Baby' (one of my other favourite movies) and you can tell that some scenes (including the ripped dress) are basically lifted from this.
Rock Hudson is wonderful. And the music is of course by Henry Mancini. A must see.

(HORROR) Slumber Party Massacre 2 - 1987 ***

Yes, the film really is as cheesy as the poster above makes out. It starts off well, but soon collapses into a mess.
A weekend away at a friend's condo soon goes downhill for Courtney as she begins to dream about her sister who is locked away in a mental institution warning her of a killer on the loose who is after her. It's a bit of a jumble and not particularly well directed.

(HORROR) Would you Rather - 2012 ****

'Would you Rather' is a film that seems to have slipped under the radar when it comes to up and coming horror movies.
It is definitely worth a watch though.
It's one of those films that makes you hurt all over, a nightmare of epic proportions.
Iris accepts an invitation to a strange dinner party, on the provision that she takes part in a game of "would you rather". If she wins the game she will be given the money that is desperately needed to help her sick brother.
Once she realises the sort of game she and the other contestants are playing she wants out fast, but there is only one way she is allowed to leave, with a bullet in her head.
Films like these in my opinion are usually the strongest contenders for horror, they prey on any normal human beings worst fears and choices and present them to us on a massive screen where we cannot escape.
Watch this.

(HORROR) Silent Night, Deadly Night - 1984 *** 1/2

Oh yes, it was cheesy, it was camp, but I was scared!
After witnessing his parents brutal slaying by a maniac in a Santa costume, a young boy named Billy is sent to an orphanage. Here, he grows to intensely dislike the Mother Superior, and relishes the chance to get out once he turns 18 and earn some money.
By chance, he gets a job in a local toy factory and does very well, even developing feelings for one of the girls who works there. However it all changes when, at the last minute, his boss asks him to step in and cover the shop's Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, which brings back all the horror Billy experienced years ago. He flips, and begins a massacre of his own.
I liked it, I couldn't stop watching it, and I'd like to see the sequel.

Grown Ups - 2010 **

In 'anticipation' of the new Grown Ups 2 movie, I thought I should watch the first one. Oh no no no, what a mistake. This was awful! Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, I command you to step away from Kevin James and David Spade this instant or your acting careers will be flushed down the toilet.
A group of old school friends mourning the death of their favourite coach, decide to spend a weekend together, honouring him, getting drunk, mucking around, being immature, disrespecting their wives and injuring each other in the name of 'masculinity.' It was boring, unfunny, and I barely raised a smile. It's not a nice 'feel good' film, more a warning to all those who think they are 'missing out' on being young and foolish, when in fact, they are just sad and pathetic. *sigh*

The Men Who Stare at Goats - 2009 **1/2

Oh er, what an odd film. Based on a true story? Really? Ewan McGregor plays a reporter who meets oddball George Clooney in a bar and finds out that he is claiming to be a former member of some sort of Illuminati New Earth Army who use paranormal powers to complete their missions whilst hoping to stop war full stop as well. He drops everything and goes along for the ride without having a clue what he is getting himself in to. So weird. I don't get it, and I didn't really like it either.

(HORROR) Scary Movie 5 - 2013 ***

I am a fan of the Scary Movie films. I know they are over the top and downright stupid in some parts but that's what I like about them. They always cheer me up if I need it. Scary Movie 5 continues in this vein. It draws on horror movies that have been out since like Paranormal Activity and Mama. Anna Faris isn't in this, but it doesn't really matter because Ashley Tisdale does well on her own and serves up a few dozen laughs all by herself. Snoop Dogg pops up randomly in a scene which is also quite amusing, he seems to have a habit of doing that.
I'll keep watching them for as long as they carry on making them.

Youth in Revolt - 2009 ***

A strange film. I must say I do like Michael Cera, although it has become obvious that he portrays the exact same character in every single film. Here he is a quirky yet sensitive teen who goes to stay with his father and meets a girl he becomes infatuated with. He will do anything to stay with her, even of it means setting fire to a caravan or getting her expelled from a posh school. At the same time he has constant visits from his alter ego, a slimy chain smoker with a moustache who keeps pressuring him into doing al the things he really shouldn't.
Quite a good film I suppose.

(NOIR) Out of the Fog - 1941 ***

John Garfield is an amazing actor but he doesn't half play some unlikeable characters. Here he plays a bootlegger who makes his living beating up people who won't give him money, and stumbles into a situation where he falls for the daughter of one of his latest victims. Ida Lupino plays her usual stupid, dense self who becomes infatuated by Garfield even when she finds out he is blackmailing her father.
Not your usual noir, as its set around the waterfront, but one to watch once.

Sightseers - 2011 ** 1/2

What a peculiar film. I haven't seen Alice Lowe since she was in the brilliant 'My Life in Film' with Andrew Scott. This wasn't brilliant. It was just very strange and very slow.
Lowe and Oram play an unhinged couple who go off on a caravan holiday but end up compiling a large body count of people who get on their nerves. It's very dark, and cannot possibly be described as a 'black comedy' because its just not funny. Most of the time it's awkward and embarrassing.
Strange and creepy in my opinion.