In the Loop - 2009 * * * *

Peter Capaldi stole this movie for me. Those of you who have seen 'The Thick of It' will know exactly the types of jokes and situations that Malcolm Tucker gets himself into, and this film presents him yet again in his manic and angry light, swearing at everything anybody does every second of the day. Many people will find this annoying, but I think he's hilarious. For me, Tucker is like Woody Allen, his mannerisms will either captivate people or make them reach for the earplugs. Taking a rather simple idea about both the US and the UK wanting a war we are plunged headfirst into the chaos surrounding number 10 and then the White House and how the members of the Civil Service deal with them. Very funny, and very realistic.

Too Beautiful for You - 1990 * * *

Gerald Depardieu is a brilliant actor but he doesn't half play some horrible and unappealing characters. In this movie he plays Bernanrd, who is married to a beautiful woman but finds himself drawn to his plain and not very attractive secretary. The two begin an affair and very soon Bernard is in love with her, but cannot leave his wife. The movie starts as though you have missed out a chunk of the script which is very confusing, almost immediately they are in love, and then Bernard tells his wife about the affair but does nothing to rectify it. He doesn't seem to have a conscience or to worry about his wife's feelings, and also spends a good deal of the movie going from one woman to the next like a lovesick schoolboy because he can't make up his mind which one he prefers. The famous phrase of 'having your cake and eating it too' was never more fitting than for this character. However the women aren't much better and seem to have zero respect for themselves anyway ( the secretary stays with him even after she finds out he is married and his wife tries to brush the affair under the carpet hoping he will choose her all over again). The ending is excellent though and really made me feel that there is some justice in the world when it comes to men like that.

Mr Deeds Goes to Town - 1936 * * * *

Frank Capra struck gold with this movie. Constantly seeing it pop up in 100 greatest film lists I finally got around to watching it the other day and really enjoyed it. Starring the wise-cracking Jean Arthur who was one of the driest comic actresses I've seen in the Golden Age ( alongside Lombard and Harlow) and the lovely Gary Cooper we follow young Mr Deeds, a gentle and unassuming soul who comes into a lot of inherited money and goes to the big city to make his mark, bumping into Jean Arthur on the way who is in fact an undercover journalist, hoping to get a big story on him. However you know what is going to happen, of course she is going to fall for him, and then comes the problem of how she tells him that she is out for all she can get. On top of this, Mr Deeds is now dealing with an insanity charge after he kindly decides to give his money away to the less fortunate ( the city cannot believe anyone in their right mind would give any of their money to anyone else!) which climaxes in a really excellent and heart-felt speech in court towards the end of the film. Capra is a master for comedy and timing and although I wouldn't call this movie a screwball comedy it still serves it's fair share of laughs. Cooper and Arthur are well -suited to each other. Next on my list will be the next Capra movie - 'Mr Smith Goes to Washington.'

Das Experiment - 2001 * * 1/2

I'm not really sure what to make of this film. It's the terrifying and captivating story based on a real experiment that took place in 1971 of a group of men who volunteer for a prison experiment where their characteristics and actions will be studied by CCTV camera. The only catch is that one half of the group are chosen to act as guards and the other to act as prisoners. What starts off as a bit of a joke for the men who are hoping to make a bit of extra cash turns into a hellish nightmare as the 'prisoners' are degraded and humiliated by the now drunk on power 'guards.' It's absolutely terrifying to see men who go into this experiment as friends turn on each other because of their positions of power and submit each other to psychological and ( in the end) physical abuse despite one of the rules being that no violence is to be used. Even scarier perhaps is that many of these men have hidden sadistic tendencies which are freely explored throughout the film simply by being placed in a different environment. If I'm honest I didn't think much about this film immediately after I had seen it but nearly 4 days later and I'm still thinking about it and it chills me to the bone.

The End of the Affair - 1955 * * * * *

Why has the film not had more exposure? It was absolutely amazing! Set at the end of WW2 this Graham Greene novel centres around a bored wife (Deborah Kerr) of a civil servant (Christopher Lee in a very sympathetic role) who meets a writer one night at a party at their home and begins to fall for him. The affair itself is brief but the most interesting part of the film is what causes the affair to end and whether the reasons initially conjured up by the male protagonist are in fact correct. The more I see of Deborah Kerr on the big screen the more I cannot deny that she really is a brilliant actress, and so versatile. I have never seen Van Johnson in anything before and found his character to be the most interesting. The great thing about this film is that the two leads were totally complex and had a huge backlog of history about each of them as opposed to showing us nothing of substance. I really adored this movie and found the end heart-breaking. I am just amazed that this classic romance is never mentioned in top 100 romantic movie lists when something like 'Love Story' features heavily. Amazing.

Harold and Maude - 1971 * *

This is a cult classic. Millions of people supposedly love it. I didn't. I found it a very disturbing film. The movie centres around a young boy who is emotionally unprovided for by his mother and seeks to impress her in any way possible including bizarre suicide attempts to which his mother has become immune. When he meets Maude at a funeral his whole conception of life and love is turned around and he finds himself pursuing a relationship with her despite the vast age gap.

I understand what this film is trying to do, trying to show that no matter how old, what background they have, some people just 'fit' together and have similar attitudes to life bla bla. I just didn't enjoy it and found the relationship between the very young boy and the very old woman uncalled for. The film could have been shown as the girl and boy being roughly the same age and still had the same impact. Or maybe not, was the original idea to shock the audience? It did me, so much so that it's only getting 2 stars.

Shadows and Fog - 1991 * * *

Next on the list is Woody Allen's 'mess around' with arty black & white shots echoing the days gone by and taking a little piece of ever expressionist film that was ever made in the 1920s. Based roughly on Kafka's 'The Trial' this movie had a weird and surreal-like edge to it which made it curiously haunting and desperately watchable. Added to which the amazing back-log of stars who appeared in this was extraordinary ( John Malkovich, Madonna, Jodie Foster, Mia Farrow etc) and made it all the more interesting. The plot takes on a bizarre Fritz Langish twist, about a bookkeeper ( Allen) who is woken at night by his neighbours and asked to go with them to help track down a serial killer who is murdering people all through the misty and scary town. It doesn't make a huge amount of sense but Allen is really experimenting with noir photography in this and that is really the main thing to be focusing on.

September - 1987 * * 1/2

Oh dear oh dear, Woody Allen's films seem to be getting worse the more of them I see ( although I am watching them in a totally random order, picking at one or two here and there) and this latest offering from 1987 was just all downhill. I feel awful saying this because I am usually one of those people who needs a film to be full of intelligent and cleverly structured plots about relationships but I just found the pace of this movie was so awfully slow that even when things were happening between the characters I couldn't bring myself to enjoy or pay much attention to what was going on. I think that with a Woody Allen movie it needs to be fast and witty ( I mentioned this in my last review of the latest film of his that I had seen) instead of slowly acted. Other directors feast on slow suspense etc but Allen is not one of them ( only in my opinion of course!). I don't even think I really recommend this film to anyone...

Dressed to Kill - 1980 * * *

The idea of this film seemed rather silly to me at first, plus I knew the true culprit from the start which made it slightly less suspenseful, but this 80's offering from Brian de Palma was still up there with a truly nerve-wracking film experience. Michael Caine has never scared me so much as he did in this, ( I haven't seen 'Get Carter' so that maybe worse?) and one scene in particular near the end really got to me and I thought about it for hours afterwards. De Palma is a master of suspense that I'm sure would make Hitchcock shake him by the hand, and this film has slowly become one of those 'cult classics' that you need to see, despite how disturbing it may be.

Another Woman - 1988 ***

I can't really say much that's good about this film, the pace was dreadful, barely anything happened and the characters were intensely dislikeable. Gena Rowlands stars as a married woman having a mid-life crisis who, after renting an apartment downtown to do her writing in, begins to hear conversations coming from next door where a psychiatrist is talking to his patient (Mia Farrow). As she listens she begins to analyse her own life and understand what impact she has on the people closest to her, be it good or bad.

I really couldn't get on with this film and I wish I had been able to. There is something about Gena Rowlands that I don't like as an actor and I was hoping seeing her in something different ( after nearly falling asleep watching her in 'A Woman under the Influence') would make me like hr, but it didn't. Compared to many of Woody Allen's movies that are fast paced and zappy, (a bit like 30s screwball comedy) this was like a lead balloon.

The Lost Weekend - 1945 * * *

Billy Wilder was really pushing boundaries with a movie about an alcoholic in the 1940s. Especially an alcoholic who in my mind was totally dislikeable and pathetic in his actions. Ray Milland's performance is excellent however as he made me end up despising his character for the horrible way he treats the people in his life, much like a real alcoholic. His lack of willpower is also rather disgusting (he resorts to stealing and begging for money for a drink) all the time looking as though the problem lies with everyone else but him, the facts are if an alcoholic wants help enough, they will get it, but most of the time they couldn't really care less about getting better or how they make the people in their life feel. Alcoholics are selfish, expecting to be molly-coddled and looked after like babies because they can't function properly on their own.So is Milland's character, and the treatment of his lovely girlfriend ( Jane Wyman) is appalling.
A landmark film of it's time that I'm sure any other film about alcoholism remembers on it's way, but not one that I feel I would be happy to watch again, more than anything the experience of watching the film is completely draining.

Dark Tales of Japan - 2005 * * *

This movie took three goes for me to get into it, and even then, the beginning made me feel like maybe I was wasting my time, but in fact this DVD really ended up freaking me out. The disc is set into 5 short films by five different directors and they all had different effects on me. The First, a tale about a mysterious urban legend known as the 'Spider Woman' was very disturbing, the graphics were excellent and the end caused me to start checking the lounge for any 8-legged beings. The second ' Crevices' barely held my attention throughout because of the slow pace of the filming, not really scary but a couple of parts made me jump. 'The Sacrifice' made NO sense whatsover, a jumble of a film that, thank goodness wasn't the length of a full feature. 'Blonde Kwaiden' was just ridiculously silly, about a man who goes to his Hollywood hotel room and falls asleep on his bed, only to be awoken with the feeling that someone is lying next to him. The last short 'Presentiment' was in my opinion the most disturbing, it wasn't scary like the first short but it was so bizarre and weird that it really frightened me. A man commits embezzlement at work and rushes, relieved, to the elevator to begin his new life with his mistress. However, inside are three strange passengers who begin to unravel his sanity, bit by bit.

A worthwhile DVD to watch ( mine only cost £2!) and you do get to see a variety of work from some well known Japanese directors, but I wouldn't expect anything in the 'Asian Tartan Horror Extreme' range.

Chloe - 2009 * * *

Having seen the earlier and much better original French version of this movie I was really only watching this with a view to seeing if any parts had been done any differently or better. I needn't have worried as this American version barely did the original (Nathalie) any justice.

After suspecting her husband of having an affair, Julianne Moore's character hires Chloe, a prostitute to tempt her husband and see how he reacts. The story becomes more and more intense as Chloe becomes more and more unhinged with the film ending in a shocking climax. That is how I would have described the movie if I didn't already know what was going to happen. Certainly this movie will appeal to men who like seeing lesbian scenes as there manage to be a couple squeezed in here but as regards to the plot the earlier is far superior and eerie to this version. Hollywood seem to totally mess up remakes of brilliant French movies splattering them with too much going on in every scene as opposed to the slow-building suspense that comes from the original. To be fair though the ending will shock you, I wonder how many people will realise beforehand...?

Hit and Run - 2009 * *

For some reason this film really got on my nerves. The lead female was incredibly annoying and progressed through the film in a totally manic and awfully acted way. Having hit someone by accident whilst driving home drunk should be enough of a shock to make her stop and try and help the person but oh no, much better to drive off and pretend it was all a bad dream. I won't even deem to 'spoil' anymore of this shambles of a movie except to say that the camera crew focus far too much on the lead star's chest unstead of short occasions when her acting isn't too bad. Just a big jumble of a film. It's going straight to the charity shop.

The Invisible Ghost - 1941 * * *

It's hard to think about this film without laughing which really isn't the greatest compliment to a film that's supposed to be really quite scary. Bela Lugosi is a tremendous actor, but he appears slightly typecast in whatever movie he is cast in, regardless if it has anything to do with vampires. In this he is a loving father who goes into 'terrifying' trances every night and walks (much like Frankenstein's monster) into unsuspecting victim's rooms. The next morning the victim is dead and the father has no idea what happened. On the box of the DVD it says roughly that the ending is something that you will never see coming and that will shock you. *SPOILERS* There is no shock ending!! Nothing happens that we didn't know about ten seconds into the film. Where is the shock?

As anyone who regularly looks at my blog will know, I am an avid and obsessive watcher of classic films ( 30s,40s,50s,) and so it's not as though my saying that the film is without credit is because I only like new films! This film just isn't very good and moves at an embarassingly slow pace ( it was only just over an hour and I felt like it had been playing for days) with some actors who don't seem to have a clue what they are doing, half of the time idiotically over-acting as though they are still in silent film and the other half showing barely any passion at all when someone has just been strangled on the kitchen floor.

The three stars is because it's a b&w movie and I will be forever loyal to them, but nothing more.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad world - 1963 * * *

Ok lets get one thing straight, the reason I gave this movie three stars is because of Terry Thomas, I adore him as an actor and find everything he is in hilarious. I found it a little odd that he happened to be in a film that was a sort of mixture of lots of other really funny 60s movies ( Those Magnificent Men.., The Great Race, Monte Carlo or Bust)that he had been in, they were all about a million times funnier than this, although for his part he really stole the show for me. Added to which this film dragged on and on and on. And on. I always test my enjoyment of a movie by seeing how many times I check the clock and I spent most of this film with one eye on the minute hand. The jokes just weren't that funny and seemed forced, the who idea of the movie (a dying man tells his rescuers that he has lots of money buried somewhere under a big 'W' and they all decide to drop what they are doing and find the money first) has been done loads of times before. Even Spencer Tracey wasn't right for the part, he wasn't funny and he wasn't serious, a sort of weird and slightly creepy combination. And also, the title of the film is ridiculous, I don't understand the need for the repeated 'Mad' or am I just getting cynical in my young age?

As a film that was talked about by people I respect as being amazingly funny I felt really let down, all in all its a 'Bad Bad Bad Bad film...

Le Secret - 2000 * * 1/2

Desperately disappointed by this I wondered whether I had missed out something major that would have made me love it. But no, it really was just a not very good film. In short the film centres around a husband and wife who are supposedly happy until one day the woman ( who sells encyclopedias for a living) goes to a customers house and falls in lust with the man staying there temporarily. ( The man who ordered the encyclopedias is out of the country for a while so this other man is keeping house for him etc etc). An affair follows with all the excitement of a wet dishcloth and all the passion of a brick wall. Neither character seems to feel very comfortable shooting their sex scenes which in turn makes everyone watching feel like they are spying on someone's parents in bed. The selfishness of the woman who believes she isn't doing anything wrong because her lovely husband is simply not exciting enough really got on my nerves. There are loads more affair related movies out there that make you care deeply about the characters, but this was not one of them.

Radio Days - 1987 * * *

Everytime I look on blogs or forums regarding Woody Allen it always seems to be the same - all the films I think are amazing by him are in fact slated harshly by others and visa versa. Whilst it was moderately amusing and kept my attention I didn't really enjoy my latest offering as much as some of his others. Radio Days concentrates on looking back to the time when radio ruled and the relationships between the people who listened to it. It's certainly nostalgic and interesting to watch as I loved jazz music from 40s and 50s which was featured heavily but there was still something lacking for me. Also Woody Allen, although narrating wasn't actually in the movie at all which is always a downer for me.

One to watch because it's work of the genius but not one to own, I doubt I'd see it again.

Cherry Tree Lane - 2010 * * * *

I was surprised at this film, it was actually very good and full of suspense. And there was one vital element that made me like it so much and made it almost unique in it's marketing of a horror movie (*SPOILERS* - no one actually dies!). The acting was startlingly real, I can imagine people like this acting this way, and the element of hearing but not seeing what is going on was excellent, this is what a suspense film is all about!! Even better it was very short, coming in at under 1 hour and 1/2 which made you want even more!

A married couple sit down to dinner in their home when a knock at the door changes everything. Doesn't sound very exciting, but it really is. My advice, just watch, but not alone.

Piranha - 2010 * * *

I didn't see this movie in 3D and to be honest I don't think it really mattered. What I think is a shame about films like this nowadays is that the directors cannot draw in an audience without the promise of naked women and lesbian shots. What about the females who want to watch a freaky film about a piranha?? Are we not as important.

Story - err, except for the lesbianism, breasts, arses? not much, but there was a fair amount of gore which made me feel a bit better, all people working in this film deserved to be partially eaten by small killing fish. As I'm not a typical male I don't think spending a good deal of the film having to watch Kelly Brook jiggle her tits up and down and touch up a blonde sl** underwater while loads of hormone-frenzied men have a good gawp is something that draws me to a film. I knew she would be in it but not to this extent. The directors obviously couldn't think of anything else to fill the time. Don't even get me started on the 'underwater ballet sequence' - totally pointless! I can hear all the men out there reading this going 'you're just jealous bla bla bla', er no, I'm just not a typical bloke who thinks with his ****, and when I watch a movie I expect a good story. I don't need nudity to do that but obviously men do. Come to think of it maybe the directors are actual geniuses, they know exactly what today's male audience's want, shame it's not changed in all these years but then again men are simple beings.

(Oh by the way the 3 1/2 score is for the carnage and killings, *SPOILERS*- and when Kelly Brook gets eaten becasue she's such a dumb bi*** she can't hold on to a rope properly, the rest of the film should be put away somewhere and never taken out again)

The Reef - 2010 * * * 1/2

There isn't a huge amount to say on 'The Reef', but only because everyone knows the basic story anyway, it's been done so many times that I find it amazing directors still think they are coming up with an 'original' idea.

Using their friend's sail-boat a group of friends decide to go out to the Great Barrier Reef to dive. ( sound familiar?) Everything is wonderful until the boat crashes into some underwater rocks ( what a surprise, having rocks at the barrier reef...) and capsizes. The End. Not really.

Aware that the upturned boat is sinking fast the friends realise that they can either stay on the boat and hope someone finds them ( how..??) or make a swim for an island that one of the blokes claims is 'about 12 miles away' ( although he has no idea what direction so for all they know they could be swimming in circles) . All but one of the friends decide to make the trip leaving one man left on the sinking vessel. *SPOILERS* - The rest of the film involves a lot of screaming, groaning, moaning and looks of amazement as the group experience sharks, sharks and, well the same shark over an over again. In my opinion the poor shark is minding his own business and only becomes attracted to the group because they are yelling and thrashing about like they are on something. Added to which the smart-arse who is leading the group can't resist swimming underwater to get a good glimpse of the shark everytime someone spots a fin about 100 miles away and if I was a shark this would drive me barmy. All I can say is they all had it coming. If they were quiet and stopped shrieking and dragging their blood-stained feet through the water the shark wouldn't have noticed them, what's a shark to do?

A film you don't need to watch because if you've seen any shark-related movies ( Jaws, Open Water, Adrift) then you've already seen this. You just don't know it yet. Look at that, I did say a huge amount.

Anyway!

Husbands and Wives - 1992 * * *

If no one has already noticed I adore Woody Allen and how talented he is. My mission is to see every single one of his movies he ever directed, produced and starred in. Husbands and Wives was high on the list because he was starring in it with Mia Farrow (who I'm pretty sure had just ended their relationship regarding his infidelity when filming began) and I love how the pair interact with each other.

This film actually isn't based on the Allen-Farrow relationship although viewers might at first believe so and therefore it was slightly easier to watch knowing that it was all make-believe. Judy and Gabe are horrified one evening to hear that their two best married friends are splitting up as an experiment and this causes them to focus on the already obvious problems in their own relationship.

Expect classic Allen, ad-libbing all over the place and making nearly every scene his own. This isn't one of his best in my opinion but still one you have to watch.

Juste Avant Le Nuit - 1971 * * * *

One of Chabrol's best known films 'Just before Night Fall' stars (yet again!) Stephane Audran whose husband Charles, played by Michel Bouquet (who was also her husband in 'La Femme Infidele') is having an affair with his best friend's wife. When a sex game goes terribly wrong, Charles realises that he has accidently killed the wife. Plagued by guilt he can't decide whether to confess all or try and cover it up. You'll never guess what happens next. This film has all the makings of a Chabrol, elegent, classy and thoroughly unpredictable, just like a 70s thriller should be.

Le Biches - 1968 * * * 1/2

One of the things that I'm really liking about Chabrol is how he uses most of the same people in his films. I feel like I have become quite a good judge of spotting people from his other movies and it's quite fun as well. Stephane Audran this time plays a beautiful but bored woman who picks up a lonely girl that she is attracted to in Paris and whisks her off to her holiday home for some romance and fun. Once there however, the girl ( nicknamed 'Why' by the people living on the house) has an affair with a man that Audran is interested in, then all hell breaks loose. Not a brilliant film but strangely eerie in that Chabrol way with some excellent acting of course from Audran who is fast becoming one of my favourite French stars. The mandatory twist in the ending is also typically bizarre.

The Last Kiss - 2006 *

The Last Kiss is a prime example of what is wrong with modern films. There is no elegence, a pathetic story and a load of shallow and stupid characters who just care about their sexual needs and NOTHING else. Ok, for anyone who actually cares - Zach Braff ( does he enjoy playing stupid moronic characters or is it his actual character?) is nearly 30 (oooo that's ancient) and his lovely girlfriend has announced she is pregnant. Instead of being over the moon he rushes off to his gormless friends who all seem to know nothing about relationships anyway to moan about how his life is now effectively over and that there will be no more surprises ( ie he won't be able to sleep with anyone else and we all know that's the only thing men care about really). Fastforward a few scenes and oh what a surprise he meets a slutty and dumb college student and starts to get excited at the idea that one female still finds him attractive, it must be worth ruining your perfect relationship for surely! I'm sure you can guess what happens without me telling you so I won't bother, let's just say he treats his girlfriend appallingly, simply because he can't be a responsible adult ( maybe he should of thought of that before having a baby???) and thinks that the choices he makes are justified because 'he is confused about where he is in life' ( oh that makes it totally fine then). A pathetic and head-against-brickall movie that will make you want to stay away from every man out there that has a pulse, it also paints a picture that all men are commitment-phobic and see a serious relationship as some sort of punishment, chaining them to one person until they enjoy the sweet release of death when they could be out there sleeping with 100 women a day. Don't watch this with a boyfriend as you will hate them by the end, in fact just don't watch it at all. I wish I hadn't.

Le Boucher - 1970 * * * 1/2

Still hot on my Claude Chabrol film-fest I decided it was time to see 'Le Boucher'; the only movie of Chabrol's that is present in my 1001 movies to see before you die book. This time we are dealing yet again with Stephane Audran ( who was apparently Chabrol's wife - that might explain the constant use of her) as a lovely but lonely school-teacher who strikes up a friendship/relationship with a butcher at a friend's party. At the same time, a serial killer is loose near the village, killing young girls as he goes along. If you think Chabrol is dated and for people who don't like to be scared then you haven't seen one of the last scenes in this movie which has all the terror and haunting element that a modern thriller would have today (in fact, it's even better, no special effects, just excellent acting). It scared me so much I was thinking about it for hours afterwards. This is a tense thriller with a few genuinely scary moments (another concerns the schoolchildren picniking on the rocks outside the village, very eerie) that should definitely be watched.

La Femme Infidele - 1969 * * * *

La Femme Infidele, otherwise known as 'The Unfaithful Wife' is the first Claude Chabrol film I have ever seen. I was aware that Chabrol was known as 'the French Hitchcock' which made me want to watch one of his movies even more. There has also been a more recent adaptation of this film copied almost identically which I am sure most viewers will prefer to this one. However not me. I found the modern one sterile and unfeeling whilst this one was exciting, very well acted and far more classy. The story sort of does what it says on the tin, centring round a beautiful but bored housewife who starts becoming very friendly with another man when her husband is slaving away at the office. Before long however the husband starts to think that all is not well and gets a private investigator to follow his wife's movements during the day. When his fears are confirmed he doesn't fly into a rage with his wife, in fact he doesn't even tell her that he knows,having his own course of revenge planned out, and what happens next is brilliant to the extreme. The film is amazingly alike to Hitchcock, same mood, same style, but just a bit more passionate and chic which could only be possible from the films being filmed in France. Stephane Audran is obviously Chabrol's leading lady just as Grace Kelly or Tippi Hedren are Hitchcock's and I will be interested to see more of her work.

Orphan - 2009 * * * 1/2

The posters for this movie claim that you will never guess her secret. That is for sure. I didn't, and I've seen a lot of horror films. However there are many parts of this film that leave you speechless because they are SO unlikely. A couple who lose their baby decide to adopt a 9 year old called named Esther. Esther is perfectly nice but also very mysterious, wearing out-dated clothes and knows far more about sex than a girl of her age should. Naturally the mother becomes suspicious, but the father is not having any of it seemingly totally enthralled by the girl. One thing is for sure, bad things happen around Esther, people get hurt, and there are even rumours that children in the orphanage she used to live in became involved in accidents when she was present.

Go on, watch this film and try and guess her secret, you never will.

PS This is the second horror film where the husband is a total b****ard ( first was Farmhouse)

Farmhouse - 2009 * * * *

I was NOT expecting the ending to Farmhouse. And to be perfectly honest it spoilt the whole film, or did it save it?I still can't decide. It certainly irritated me. Sometimes you just want to watch a gorey, disgusting movie for no reason other than to be freaked out and thank god your at home all cosy. That was what I was hoping would happen with this one when I watched it last week. The film focuses on a couple who, after losing their baby decided to start a new life in another part of America ( I think it's Seattle but that's not really important.) The husband refuses to stop and rest on their trip and ends up crashing the car in the middle of nowhere ( the husband's pretty much an idiot and a wimp in this film anyway so you realise how much you dislike him from the very beginning of the film). The couple come across a farmhouse inhabited by a really friendly couple who offer them accommodation for the night, it's kind of obvious what happens next... The middle part of the film is gruesome, I'm not going to deny that, but I actually found it really exciting ( one scene in particular involving a cheese-grater will disturb you for days afterwards) and throughout the film you realise that the friendly couple are really not who they seem to be at all. The film is all about wrong judgements and how your impressions of the characters are not necessarily the way they actually are. However as mentioned before, the ending sort of spoils the movie, trying to make it something it's not. One I may watch again ( and that's very rare for a horror movie).

The Killing of Sister George - 1968 * * *

Forgive me for being naive but I had no idea that this was the first breakthrough lesbian film to ever make it out on general release! The plot seemed a bit muddled to me but I still decided it was worth while seeing. Beryl Reid is brilliant as June, the man hating and alcoholic sadistic who portrays the loveable Sister George on screen and who lives in a London flat with her lover 'Childie' ( what a disturbing name for a partner) played excellently by Susannha York. June's real character is disgusting, unable to let Childie have a life or have any male aquaintances without flinging drunken accusations at her. Her overbearing paranoia and disgusting behaviour soon drive Childie away, into the arms of another woman, who just happens to be George's TV producer. Except for one graphic scene towards the end (which I'm sure is the reason that this film is papered over nowadays as seemingly unappropriate for 60s film) there isn't a huge amount happening here that could construe a truly shocking film. The relationship between Childie and June is hardly outwardly lesbian and therefore if you were coming in as a stranger to see this without knowing the background you wouldn't understand all the hype.

Worth a watch to say you've seen it, but not sure if my copy will not be better in a charity shop.

Woman of the Year - 1942 * * * *

One of the 9 famous pairings between Hepburn and Tracy 'Woman of the Year' is a sparkling and quick-witted screwball about 2 sharp journalists on the same newspaper but both with very different views. Tess Harding is a political affairs columnist whilst Sam Craig reports on sport. They met by chance and fall in love. Starting married life together however, Sam realises that Tess's priorities do not seem to involve him as he puts up with continual late night disturbances from Tess's secretary and even his wedding night is spoilt by the arrival of a famous doctor in his marriage boudoir who is intent on conferring with Tess right there and then. He begins to realise if he even wants to be married to such a prestigeous woman.

As with all screwball there are some very funny scenes as well as ones that tug at your heartstrings, but everything always turns out alright.

The Night Listener - 2006 * * * *

Thinking back to this film I've realised how much I want to see it again despite only seeing it for the first time this morning. Robin Williams is a thoroughy excellent actor and didn't disappoint here as Gabriel Noone, a radio show host who becomes entangled in the life of a sick and abused 14 year old boy named Pete who has sent his life story to Gabriel, desperate for his help. What happens next is almost impossible to believe, especially being inspired by true events, and thoroughly disturbing. A real head-scratcher. Toni Collette is also brilliant as Donna, the carer of Pete. Well worth seeing, at least once.

Code Unknown - 2000 * * * 1/2

For years now I have kept seeing this dvd cover on Amazon and wondering what on earth Julietee Binoche was screaming at, thankfully now I have seen the film I know ( although it was nothing to do with what I originally thought) and I must say this wasn't a bad dose of Michael Haneke who previously terrified me with Funny Games and thrilled me in Cache (Hidden). I figure that this film needs to be seen a few times for the viewer to really understand the intricate details of each and every short (there must be at least 20). Some are brilliant (the paper bag throwing incident for one) and others are mind-numbingly boring ( Binoche ironing copious amounts of T-Shirts in front of the tv). As Haneke seems to be a master in his craft I'm pretty sure they are all included for a reason but sometimes it seems a bit difficult to know what the importance of some of them is. However on a plus side the shorts are all so..well.. short that you never get bored.

Cracks - 2009 * * *

This was a very strange movie. Eva Green was certainly the highlight giving a stupendous performance as 'Miss G', the spontaneously and mysteriously exotic teacher at a prestigeous girl's school in 1930s Britain who is idolised (somewhat romantically) by the popular clique of girls. However the arrival of a foreign student Fiamma disrupts both the girls and the feelings of Miss G,but in different ways. Juno Temple is also excellent as Di, the conniving captain of the swimming team, who, after realising that Miss G's affections are wandering from her, resorts to any action possible to rid the school of the new visitor. The subtle lesbian undertones make this film especially dark and eerie, contrasting the wide and open spaces where the film is shot, a bizarre but worth watching film.

The Postman Always Rings Twice - 1946 * * * * *

This was one of those film noirs that I have kept putting off, scared that once I've seen it I will hate it or not appreciate it like so many fans do. Well I've seen it now, and will never question a film noir as not being brilliant. So many elements of this movie are priceless, Lana Turner is tooth-achingly beautiful (I noticed some traits on her that Marilyn Monroe uses) and I was surprised to see that John Garfield is actually quite attractive in a rugged way ( for some reason I've always associated Garfield with someone like Edward G. Robinson or Sydney Greenstreet looks-wise!).

Nick, a drifter comes upon a roadside cafe and applies for a job there after seeing the middle aged manager's stunning wife Cora. Before long, there are sparks between Nick and Cora that cannot be denied and they both decide that they want to be together, whatever the costs... Luscious camera work, a great story, 2 awesome actors, (a shady male and a femme fatale) and all in sensuous black and white, what more could you want for a 5 star 'Film Noir'? Well worth the wait - Film Noir never disappoints me.

One Night Stand - 1997 * * *

I'm embarrassed to say this really because of all the flack that Wesley Snipes receives about his personal life but I really love him as an actor! Here he plays the smooth and cool commercials director Max who, after being stranded overnight at his hotel on a business trip, makes the aquaintance of Karen, an intelligent and beautiful woman who wants a no strings fling. The difference with this film and others about infidelity is that you don't for one second feel anger towards Max, instead mentally egging him on to make a go of it with this woman as opposed to his high-maintainance wife Mimi who cannot stop talking and making a fool of herself at any social function. Exactly a year later, Max returns to New York to visit his sick friend Charlie ( played amazingly by Robert Downey Jnr - he should have received an Oscar for his portrayal of a gay man dying of AIDS if he hasn't already) and bumps into Karen...

A surprisingly good movie!

The Spanish Gardener - 1956 * * * * 1/2

The film has been on non-stop on FilmFour and I always miss it or decide it's not what I want to see that particular day. However on Saturday it was exactly what I wanted to watch and so with bated breath I began watching the movie, honestly not expecting much. However by the end there were tears streaming down my cheeks as I contemplated how utterly brilliant the story was and how excellent both Michael Horden and Dirk Bogarde were. Harrington Brande (Horden) and his son are relocated to a beautiful villa in Spain and it is decided that a gardener must be employed, enter Dirk Bogarde. Before long Nicholas (the son) is close friends with Jose (Bogarde), helping him weed the garden and plant flowers. Brande however is desperately jealous of the close bond his son forms believing it to be a sign that his son no longer loves him and decides to do anything he can to part the two.

Michael Horden plays his part exceedingly well and although this is only the second thing I have seen him in ( the first being 'Whistle and I'll Come to You' ) I'll definitely be looking out for more of his work. Dirk Bogarde is on top form as usual and plays his role with heart-breaking results. The ending caused me to reach for the tissues and I am so happy I watched the film at long last.

Amores Perros - 2001 * * * *

Roughly translated as 'Love's a Bitch' or in other places 'Loves Dogs' ( or is it Dog Lovers??) this film was tipped continuously as one of the greatest foreign films of the last decade. Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu, this film tells three stories that are all connected by a dreadful car crash and explores the feelings, loves and lives of the main characters. I felt that this film started off slowly and I was a one stage considering turning the thing off, but by the time I had seen the beginning of the 2nd story I was hooked, and by the 3rd story I was thinking that this was indeed one of the greatest foreign movies I had ever seen. Towards the end we are shown the series of events that leads each of the characters to that particular point and I must say the direction and fast-packed action really took my breath away. This film really needs persevering with, especially due to the fact that it is longer than many normal movies, but once you have cracked the beginning you will be on the right course for a brilliant movie, painstakingly concocted by a director I have never heard of ( always a joy to discover new talent). The only thing I would say about this film is that there are some horribly gruesome scenes involving dog-fighting and it is quite obvious that the fights are real, therefore a bit of discretion or eye-covering is in order, but do not turn the thing off!

Madman -1981 * *

Not pertaining to be fickle in any sense I feel I must agree with a review I read on amazon where the person claimed this was the ugliest cast ever seen in a film. I mean the actors really were dreadfully unattractive and had the most gormless faces I have ever had the misfortune to look at. Added to which the characters in this 'horror' movie were so incredibly stupid that I rooted for the killer the whole time. I mean realistically, if you hear a story about a serial killing maniac whilst you are huddling around a camp fire whose abandoned house is a foot away from where you are sitting you would hope that a sane individual would not decide it was 'fun' to wander off for a look in the house whilst everyone else has gone away. The acting was dreadfully slow and repetitive and I couldn't have cared less if any of the group had lived or died. Do not even attempt to watch this film, even if it's free, you'll be sorely disappointed.

Jules et Jim - 1962 * * * *

Finally I have found the movie that Audrey Tautou goes on and on about in 'Amelie' whilst she is at the cinema! ( you remember; the scene in the cinema where Amelie explains to the audience that she looks out for the insignificant parts of a film that other viewers miss, such as the fly on the window in the corner of the shot whilst the two main characters are in the middle of a passionate embrace). Jules and Jim is really a lovely film. It starts off in my opinion rather slowly but soon progresses to an excellent rate, rounding itself off with a very sad ending. Jules and Jim meet one day in a cafe and realise that they have everything in common - politics, literature, arts, theatre and this cements their relationship from then on. Soon afterwards they meet the carefree and fun-loving Catherine (played wonderfully by Jeanne Moreau) and from then on their relationship and the way they view their lives will never be the same again.

Catherine is a totally intriguing character - shallow and fickle, yet joyous and passionate, and I think Moreau was the perfect choice to play her. Although not a particularly beautiful or intelligent character she somehow captivates both men with an effortless charm, free to do with them what she chooses.

Many viewers immediately jumped to the conclusion the Jules and Jim's relationship was of a homosexual nature and I think you really need to study the film carefully to see that this isn't the case. They love each other yes, but as the closest and best of friends who would do anything for each other, a love that appears to have been made redundant in modern-day films ( anything more than a smile to another male in a recent film would insinuate the possibility of romantic behaviour) which is a huge shame, although it just makes films like this even more beautiful. This film is dying to be watched, so do it a favour and do just that.

Moliere - 2007 * * * *

What a lovely foreign film based on the life of Moliere, the satirical and talented playwright and actor. Romain Duris does excellently as Jean-Baptise Poquelin (otherwise known as Moliere) who tries to get his plays noticed whilst also helping Monsieur Jourdain (who covered a debt for him that kept him out of prison) rehearse a special one act play that he will perform in secret to a beautiful widow named Celimene (the tantalizing Ludivine Sagnier ) behind his wife's back . Plans go wrong however when Moliere falls for Elmire ( Jourdain's wife) and realises the difficulty of his predicament.

I found so much to compare this to Shakespeare in Love and I found it a totally enjoyable and very funny film. Moliere appears to me to be one of those playwrights who was light years ahead of his rivals in wit and satire and this film very cleverly had Moliere's later characters coming up as real people before he decided to use them in his plays. I found my mum constantly saying 'so and so was a character in one of his later plays and this must be how he came up with the idea for using them.'

A great film to watch if you are feeling intellectual or just want to see something that makes you laugh and realise that even over 300 years ago there were still wonderfully brilliant individuals who made the world a better place.

Million Dollar Legs - 1932 * * *

I've never seen the legendary W.C. Fields in anything up until now and I must say I wasn't thinking of him in a favourable light beforehand. I had this idea he was a wasted, horrible and dreadfully unattractive man who's displeasure in anything was blatently obvious in any films he starred in. But actually I had a nice surprise as I found myself laughing along at his sarcastic wit and dry humour deciding that actually he was a perfectly decent man ( not counting his addictive penchant for aclcohol which was sadly the norm in those days). The story isn't really that amazing but the acting is done with such slapstick precision that it really didn't matter. The residents of a small country that is about to go bankrupt decide to enter into the Olympic games to raise some money, but things don't go to plan. ( On another note it's amazing to see how totally different the clothes and styles of sport are such a long time ago. The fact that there is barely no safety precaution outlined for any of the sporting activities is almost unheard of these days.

A film that should be watched, I'm tempted to snap up WC Fields boxset to have more laughs.

Jack Frost - 1997 * * *

This is one of the funniest and bizarrely scary films I have ever seen. There is a great combination of both genres so that if you start finding it too funny you get a nice amount of gore, and if you are starting to find it too scary to watch alone you find yourself having a chuckle.

A serial killer has gone berserk whilst being transported to his execution site and murdered the security who are watching out for him. He then dies in a car crash and a year later comes back as a killer snowman intent on revenge. What a funny idea for a movie! He creates havoc as he infiltrates himself back into the town he once lived in ( he can melt himself and solidify when it suits) and it is up to the inhabitants to fight him. I think as a character that he is priceless. One of my favourite lines is when Frost demands a cigarette off a guard, then kills him with an axe because he refused, manically shouting 'I only axed you for a smoke.' Some really hilarious lines here.

A Perfect Murder - 1998 * * * *

A Perfect Murder is based on the brilliant Hitckcock movie 'Dial M for Murder' starring the divine and gorgeous Grace Kelly. Although nowhere near as good it still packs a fairly good punch and is really very well acted. Michael Douglas is on top form as the rich and influential husband of Gwyneth Paltrow who discovers that she is playing away from home, and decides to deliver his own, unique kind of revenge. At times the film is a full-blodded thriller and at other times it's slightly weak, but it's still very enjoyable ( I find myself siding completely with Douglas's character and feeling totally heartless towards Paltrow's sordid and pathetic affair). Good to see Viggo Mortenson in something else although he does appear to be 'violence' or 'Lord of the Rings' based in his film parts. A pretty good movie. Worth a watch one evening.

Who was that Lady? - 1960 * * * *

You know one of the things I adore about film? The fact that I can come across a hidden gem that no one has ever mentioned to me or heard of before and find out that it's excellent.

This is exactly what happened with this film and me last Saturday morning. It really is very funny.

Tony Curtis winds up in trouble with his wife after she spots him kissing one of his students (he's a chemistry professor and also does admissions!) and so he comes up with a scheme concerning him and his friend ( good old Dean Martin) that makes his naughty mistake acceptable. The trouble is they soon becomes involved in all too real situations as they fumble from one place to the next getting into serious trouble. Janet Leigh plays Tony's wife and although she is totally annoying and whiny she does work very well with him in this. It's no 'The Great Race' but it's a pretty good and funny effort and one of those films you can revist again. Brilliant Saturday viewing.

Club Dread - 2004 * *

What a truly dreadful film. It tried so hard to be a mixture of loads of slasher horror movies that are actually successful and failed miserably. It was unfunny, not in the least bit scary and dreadfully acted, the only person I vaguely recognised was one half of the Sweet Valley High twins. She's an equally awful actress. How embarassing to be known to act in a film like this. Not even a 'so bad it's good' film. It was just plain bad.

Jamon Jamon - 1992 * * 1/2

A very weird film that only made a positive impression on me as regards to the food that they kept mentioning and the ham that they kept showing us in great slabs as we drooled over the screen. Penelope Cruz was very young in this and it really showed as her acting came across as weak and not very memorable. Obviously she was just beginning her impressionable career and would soon grow into her roles in later films. Cruz stars as Sylvia, who after finding out she is pregnant hopes to marry her boyfriend despite his parents negative attitude, mix this in with lots of food references and bizarre scenes including naked bull-fighting in the middle of the night and you have this film. I didn't really like the fact it was not one thing or the other. It wasn't fantastical enough to be as good as 'Delicatessen' or sexy enough to be 'Y Tu Mama Tambien' and so we are left with a bizarre mis-match of scenes and slightly unhinged characters. Not the brilliant film I was hoping for.

Never Talk to Strangers - 1995 * * *

I took a chance with this unknown thriller when I saw it on my tesco rental site and decided I had to see it.

I think there is a reason why this film hasn't gained so much acclaim compared to movies like 'Fatal Attraction' etc because it really can't compare in suspense or acting. Rebecca De Morney plays a psychologist who is regularly meeting a known rapist who hopes to be let off a hefty prison sentence when he shows that he commited his crimes in an act of insanity. She soon meets Tony (Banderas) and begins a relationship with him. Shortly after meeting him she starts to receive vile items in the mail and begins to think that she is being stalked. But who is doing it?

I must say I didn't guess the ending although I had started making mental notes of who it could possibly be and had disregarded that particular person because it didn't make any sense. Maybe it will to other viewers but I felt it was a cheap shot. Nice to see Banderas in a film from the 90s and he's got an amazing screen presence.

The Lodger - 2009 * *

I actually had the idea that this film was going to be a remake of the brilliantly chilling Alfred Hitchcock movie of the same name filmed in the 1920s. However, besides there being a lodger in the movie there is very little else to compare it with. Which is just as well really because it couldn't compare. A series of murders have taken place echoing a number of deaths that took place 7 years beforehand. It is up to the lead investigator and his side-kick to uncover the truths of who commited them before it is too late. Sound familiar? Well yes because you hear this sort of thing in almost every episode of CSI. The twist at the end is good and I didn't see it coming but it leaves a lot of plot holes open which is always frustrating for the viewer. Really the plot with the lodger and the whole scenario surrounding these deaths could be 2 seperate films. I must say I was more interested in the lodger and his strange behaviour than the murders.